by Azrael Llywen

It was morning when Psyche woke up. He was relieved because he didn’t have any nightmares and got a goodnight’s rest. He realized the stirring figure that lied beside him. He smiled when he noticed Dream’s sleeping figure. The way he breathed so calm and light. Even though Dream was older than Psyche and had a larger frame, he felt totally comfortable with him like he was protected or something. He also realized that they were way late for the practiced but before he could wake up Dream, someone came in barging at the door.

"Good morning, Psyche! Time to g…oh!"

It was Sade who was always the most persistent in attendance among Mescaline. But this time he was shocked to see what he was about to pick up. He held a big grin in his face and put his hands around his slim waist.

"My, my what do we have here? The leader of Mescaline and the lead vocalist together? A little too much overtime I presume?" Sade arched one thin eyebrow as Psyche flushed profusely covering himself with the blanket.

"Um…he-hello Sade. I guess I’m late again ‘heh’. Er… Dream you better dress up now. Dream."

Psyche said shivering as he nervously tried waking-up Dream. Dream stretched himself and scratched his eyes.

"Yeah I’m going. Oh hi Sadie." Dream got up and took his clothes heading for the showers while Psyche stayed in bed too embarrassed to get up.

"Take that blanket off Psyche. You look stupid with nothing to cover ‘up there’."

Psyche slowly got up of bed but still hesitant to move. Sade noticed Dream and whistled loudly.

"Gee Psyche, for a leader, you sure have good taste. Nice body Dream!"

"Please Sadie not so loud. Someone might hear you."
"Why you ashamed? For your information there’s nothing to be ashamed in this world now. God, The world has no shame nowadays."

"But…wouldn’t be awkward to see us like this?"

"Not really. You should really try to read the current events now."
"I hope you’re not going to tell this to Ravie or anyone else for that matter won’t you?"

"Why are you afraid he might get jealous?"
"Not really. It’s just that he’s so young and naïve and I don’t think he can handle this stuff. I don’t want to hurt him or anything."

"Whatever you say. Of course I won’t tell! You don’t know much about me do you?"

"No."

"That figures. Nobody ever tells anything about himself in this band anyway. We’re just lucky all the members are too darn quick-minded. Besides, everyone thinks it is better not knowing each other in that case they wouldn’t remind you how much your past hurt or how incompetent you are. As long as they believe what you show them is real."

"You’re right about that Sade."

"Psyche, I’m Mescaline too. It may seem I’m always left out in this band but I know much about us more than anyone else. I know how much Ravie admires you and how frustrated he is trying to keep this band from falling apart and still keep on smiling. I know how much Dream cares for you and how much he is willing to give for you to be okay even though he can’t admit what he feels. And I know how much you hurt from thinking too low of yourself and trying hard to live up to other’s expectations. I have my own cross too, Psyche."

"Wow. I’m sorry Sade if I underestimated you."
"It’s okay. Everyone feels lonely now. But you must remember, you are not alone in this world. I’m here for you. We all are."

Psyche smiled in astonishment as Sade’s words touched his heart. Who would’ve thought the most bitchy, sarcastic member of the band turned out to be a good friend.

"Thanks Sade."

"No problem Psyche. Now get your ass moving cause we’re way behind schedule!"

"Yes!" Psyche walked away and prepared himself to practice. Bliss was flowing in his heart knowing he was with his true friends. Maybe they knew very little of each other after all.

The three of them arrived at the studio. They got ready for their practice and prepared their instruments. As the settled down, A short longhaired person came running to them.

"Hey wait up!"

"Oh, here comes Ravie." Sade replied.

"I’m really sorry! Am not that late, am I?" Ravie said panting and exhausted as he tried to catch up.

"Not at all dear. Your overwhelmingly on time." Sade assured Ravie as he eyed Psyche mischievously.

"That’s a relief!" Ravie exclaimed. Psyche was thankful enough Ravie didn’t gave-in Sade’s hints. He was afraid anyone would find out about their incident this morning.

"Okay then let’s start." Psyche said cueing Mescaline as they performed their act. They were getting ready for their coming live concert-tour three months from now. After one and a half hour, they finally finished the day’s training. Before leaving, Psyche yanked Sade’s arm almost dragging him at the back of the studio.

"Ow…damnitt! What’s with you?!" Sade cried angrily.

"We need to talk Sade."
"Uh-oh! Big bad leader is getting mad again? By any chance what would we talk about oh great one?"
"Enough jokes! What were you thinking when you kept on smirking at me a while ago? What if Ravie found out?"
"Don’t worry about it! He wouldn’t find it out. At least not by me."

"It’s not that I don’t trust you Sadie, It’s just that I don’t want Ravie to find out about it. I don’t want him hurt you know."

"But of course. I know how you feel right now. I felt the same way back then."
"Back then?"

"Heh, I guess there’s no use hiding it now. Let’s just say I’ve had a really rotten childhood."

"What are you talking about?"

"I guess you haven’t heard I was a hooker before Mescaline."

"Excuse me?"

"I was a hooker, a slut a fucking prostitute okay."

"Oh! Sorry I never knew." Psyche said soberly with a hint of guilt. After all, he was the leader of Mescaline, and even he doesn’t know the members.

"Oh stop feeling sorry for me I really hate that!" Sade said irritatingly.

"Oh! Sorry."

"I said stop it! I don’t want anybody feeling sorry for me because I feel so helpless when I do. It’s like I did something wrong even though I know I didn’t."
"It’s that so? You really got an attitude, don’t you?" Psyche joked.

"Honestly speaking I know nobody’s perfect that’s why everyone hates a goody-goody. I admit I’m no saint myself, but I also know how useless being a martyr is. If you think I don’t have regrets, I do. I just want to be honest to myself because it hurts a lot less that way. That’s why I act this way. I also wear a mask, Psyche. We’re fucking rock stars after all. I guess everyone needs to wear mask so they’d look a lot less scary to other people and to themselves and they wouldn’t have to runaway."

"You’re right about that Sadie."

"Let me tell you the whole story so that you wouldn’t be bugging me afterwards. My dad died in the war when I was around eight. That time my mother was only a housewife so we don’t have much money. She had to work really hard and enter me into this freaking public school so that we could save some money. It was utterly hell. This gang bullied me because I was ‘different’ and my mother didn’t even served her cause of saving money. It really sucked! Finally I was fed up with those self-absorbed tormentors. I asked them why were they teasing me, and calling me names and simply making my life miserable."

"Then what happened?" Psyche asked eagerly.

"Hell! That’s what. Not to mention a load full of shit. Those guys ganged up on me and they raped me. I felt so vulnerable and stupid. I just wanted to die. I even demanded them to kill me. They left me behind saying if I follow them they would give me what I want. I was an idiot so I did. I became their petty little slave. Then I became their hooker. It was just gross but then I said to myself it wasn’t so bad because in that way I helped my mother and our life was just dandy. I figured nobody would find out anyway. But I was wrong. While I was out on ‘work’ the coppers busted those bastards for various crimes like prostitution, drug abuse, carrying guns and some say even murder. Of course I was involved and I was sent to the rehab. station. My mother found out and she was just torn-up inside. She felt so disappointed and sorry for me saying it doesn’t have to be that way. I couldn’t take it seeing her like that so I ran away. Next thing I remember is that I saw you at the pub and you asked me to join the band. I agreed because it was a good way to get money, attention and forget you’re all fucked-up."

"Why didn’t you tell us before?"

"For God’s sake Psyche, we’re Mescaline! We don’t reveal anything! Mescaline means having momentary pure bliss to suppress the complications you’re feeling while having uncontrollable emotions and delusions. That’s who we are Psyche."

"Is that so? I never realized…" Psyche noticed Sade was crying.

"Psyche, I told you stop feeling sorry for me. I’m okay now. I’ve been writing to my mom anyway so that she wouldn’t worry. Two months after I joined Mescaline I met my mom during our first live. She said I was so wonderful and I was really strong and talented. I apologized to what happened back then and I said I really didn’t have any choice. She believed me and she had forgiven me. She said it was okay, that I was just being myself and I did what I have to do. It never was my fault and she praised me on how brave and strong I am. But the real thing that made me alive again is that when she said to me bad things only make us guilty when we seize to see what we did and what have to do, that wounds hurt because we refuse to look at it therefore we couldn’t mend it. Lastly she said that I shouldn’t worry if things go wrong because she would always love me no matter what. True love can never fade even if everything else falls apart and even if it did, it’s nice to know you had love and no one can take that away from you and that’s all you need to keep going on. I’ll never forget that, I hope neither will you."

"Thanks a lot Sade but I’m sorry if I don’t think that would change anything."

"You’re really stupid, aren’t you?! I don’t expect you to change just because of that. I just want to get that thing of my back. You don’t have to change anyway! It’ll happen whether you like it or not. As I said I’m just being myself. You should to you know. You shouldn’t let anybody dictate you and if they did, you shouldn’t take it on yourself because you didn’t asked for it anyway. As I always say to myself, ‘Do everything with passion hence don’t do it ay all!’ Know what you really want to do and what you would get from it. Then grab it with a single swipe!"

Psyche can’t help but giggle at the funny expressions and body language Sade was doing but he also noticed the crystalline liquid that flown from his eyes.

"Thanks again Sade. I really owe you a lot." Psyche was shocked when the blue-haired bassist grabbed his waist and held him in the tight embrace. He succumbed himself to the taller man feeling comfort in the arms of his loyal friend.

"It’s okay I just wish you’d listen to me enough before you totally lose yourself. I’m worried that one of us would be killed if that happens. And I have a feeling I would be the first one to visit the other side because there’s no way I’m going to let you in there first."

The dark haired guitarist held Sade tighter. The bassist strokes the fine dark strands of the back of Psyche’s temple.

‘Attractive, clever, compassionate Sade. You always felt like my kin. I’m sorry if I underestimated you. You don’t know how much spirit you brought up to me but I’m sure it was more than you’ve imagined. I’m sorry again if I would disappoint you on what I’m going to do but I promise, I wouldn’t forget a word you said.’

With a single tear on each of the two androgynous has, they remembered every regret and what they knew would come more in the future. As Psyche released his hug, he remembered having the Orb of Seth in his hands. Even though it hurt a lot he couldn’t let go of it. He felt stuck with it. He also thought how much his band members would hate him because of that especially Sade. But he knew he must face what is to come because he just couldn’t let them down. Not while he still can. Not just yet.

In the other room, Ravie stared at Dream. His curiosity got over the mysterious vocalist and how close he is to his most admired person. He thought of a diversion because he knew how closed-up Dream was. He carefully arranged his drums while he waited for his other two band mates.

"Umm… Dream, I can’t seem to do this by myself. Can you help me with this?" He beckoned as he moved aside the amplifiers and the other instruments. Dream carefully placed his band mates’ guitar and removed the sound system so that Ravie can store away his drums.

"You know Dream, since were here and all I was just wondering…umm can you tell me more about yourself. I mean we don’t talk much or anything." Dream only glared back inquisitively.

"I mean… I have no one else to talk to and since were in the band and all I guess it might be you."

"Why?" Dream asked as Ravie’s face enlightened while stammering for more things to say to him hoping to get a good response.

"Well I can’t talk to Sade because he always teases me that I’m too little. And well Psyche… I know he’s already too pressured and all so I didn’t bother. Besides I’ve got something to confess to you only I guess. Will you listen to me?"

Dream thought for a while then gave a warm nod of approval. Ravie’s face lit up as he continued speaking.

"Well Dream it’s about two things. First it’s about Psyche. I feel that he’s in some kind of trouble. You know! I guess it’s just a hunch but still I’m worried. Second is that well…I just got curious about you. You always seem so quiet and well I guess I never got to talk to you much. You seem to be pretty close to Psyche and it’s just that…I just want to know both of you more."

"Ravie you know there’s nothing to tell."

"Oh." Ravie said downcast.

"But I’m willing to listen on what you have to say." Ravie was surprised to hear this but still hesitant.

"Well I…Psyche means a lot to me. He always took care of me ever since we met. Even though I crumbled he was always there for me. I wanna be there for him also but everyone says I’m too young to do something. I always end up helpless in the end. "Well I…Psyche means a lot to me. He always took care of me ever since we met. Even though I crumbled he was always there for me. I wanna be there for him also but everyone says I’m too young to do something. I always end up helpless in the end."

"You don’t have to believe them you know. You should listen to yourself."
"Yeah but even though it makes me feel bad and I guess maybe it might be true."

"You really like Psyche, don’t you?"

"Well…yes." Ravie said embarrassed, face awfully flushed.

"Then if you know what you feel is true, then you shouldn’t listen to what anybody says as long as you feel right about it. Trust me it will be something you wouldn’t regret."

"Thanks Dream. I feel a lot better now."

The moment Ravie said this, the other two of the members went out.

"Helooo people! Ready to go?" Sade greeted as Mescaline officially ended their practice session for the day.

"Oh Sade it’s you! You guys done?" Ravie said inquisitively.

"Yup! And what a relief it is." Suddenly Sade shifted to Dream and snaked an arm around his.

"Hey Dream! Drive me home, will ‘ya?"
"Hey why does he have to drive you home? He’s not your chauffeur!" Psyche reacted.

"Because Psyche dear, first of all we all know Dream here has no car since *ahem* last night’s incident. Next you surely won’t keep me company and I would like to be with darling Dream for a change. Lastly I’m the sanest person here who would offer him a ride." Sade pointed out wincing seductively at the member. He also made it a point to tease Psyche by making him nervous and green with jealousy.

"Hey what do you mean by last night’s incident! Am I missing out something here?" Ravie protested being dumbfounded by Sade’s jokes. Sade could burst out into giggles seeing the angry faces of the members especially Psyche who was profusely trying to calm himself.

"If you must know, Dream had a little accident last night. His car got towed away for parking at a no parking area."

"Then why was I the only one who didn’t knew?" Ravie complained.

"You were the last to arrive remember. So we didn’t had any time to tell you because ewe have to practice right away."

"Oh! Sorry."

"Tell you what guys, since we finished early why don’t we go out for old time’s sake. Join us Ravie so you wouldn’t be left out. Or are you still underage?"

"No I’m not! I’m coming too." Ravie cried joining Dream and Sade.

"How ‘bout you great leader, care to join your subjects for a night out?"

"Nah, thanks! I’m quite tired. You kids run along. I’ll pass tonight." Psyche said declining.

"Why Psyche? Were gonna have so much fun!" Ravie said.

"Yeah and maybe a hell lot more." Sade added.

"Maybe some other time. I’ve got loads to do." Psyche said waving a hand to the members and finally going into his car.

to be continued...

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