|My Destiny, My Destination
One day the photographer showed us the new photos he had taken for us. We were looking at each other's photos, giving (mostly nonsense) comments.
"Teru's really a beauty, agree? Look at this!"
My heart lost a sudden beat when I saw Takuro passed the photo to Hisashi. I lowered my head immediately, trying to concentrate the pile of photos in my hands, but in the end I had no idea what I was looking at.
"Sure he is... Even though he cut his hair, he's still a beauty."
No one noticed the meaning behind the words of Hisashi's except me.
Perhaps Takuro and Jiro had forgotten what they saw a year ago, or perhaps
they didn't expect Hisashi was still setting his eyes on me. So did I.
I pretended that I didn't know what he was talking about and discussed about another photo with other guys. I was talking and laughing, showing no sign of embarrassment or displeasure. Thank god I could act a little. Somehow I couldn't stop myself from shunning him. I had to admit I was afraid of that smile of his. The teasing and arrogant smirk, which you couldn't guess his thoughts from, and what he was going to do next...
"Huh? You serious??"
My stylist looked at me in disbelief. I understood why. One year ago I was still having chest-length hair, doing feminine poses. And also it was a weird description that I had given him.
But finally I convinced him. An hour later I was the one gazing at the mirror in disbelief. The heavy make-up was gone, I was wearing a complete set of suit for the very first time in my life, and most of all, my hair was in a style I had never expected it would happen on my own head. You're right. It was the hair style you saw in BEAT out! Tours and the one I brought with me to Iceland - a men's hairstyle.
I smiled satisfactorily in front of the full-length mirror. I know it's very arrogant, but I the truth was that I never knew I could be as handsome as what I saw that time.
The guys were shocked again. I remember how DIE choked himself with Coke. But they said I looked terrific. I was glad. Standing there and allowing the guys observe me like a zoo animal, I anxiously waited for Hisashi's comments.
Soon, Hisashi came. His eyes widened at the very first sight of my new image. I smirked to myself. Very confident at myself at that time, I asked him what he thought of it.
He stared quietly at me, like what he did the time I showed him my tinted hair. I thought from his expression that I defeated him finally. Yet instead of what I expected, he smiled.
"You look terrific, Teru. Everyone would love it."
He said and left me standing at the door alone. I told myself the words didn't mean anything, but I couldn't stop the defeated feeling in me. I didn't understand... Why no matter what I do, I couldn't get him out of my life...?
Suffocated in all complicated feelings and unexpected events, I wished my destiny left me a narrow gap of blue sky to breathe. I believed the only way to fight for it, was to defeat the one who brought all these to me - Hisashi Tonomura...
to part 10
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