by Callista

This is another fic in english. I wanna dedicate it to marti^^[ remember what I told u!! ], which is probably now working on a fanart ToshiyaXMiyabi. Heh, Gambatte!!
PLZ, dun sue me!! U know, english isn't my first language ^^;;;;
Pairing: ToshiyaXMiyabi [ aren't they looking a bit too similar? ]
Grande: hentai yaoi
Author: Callista~
Listen to: ElDorado "Misery"

The day was beautiful, the sun was shining and smiling at the people walking down the long [ hard road out of hell ;) - call~ ], vast road. He sat on the bench near the bus stop. He looked up at the blue sky, a little smile appeared on his beautiful face. How long he had been with his band? Six years. Quite a long time. He was glad to have such a great friends as his band mates. He tried never to complain. His life was just too perfect. What else could he want from it? Love. Yes, he wanted to fall in love.
"E-excuse me." A sweet female voice rang. He turned his face to see the person who just interrupted his thoughts.
"Yes?" he asked as calm as he could. A fan. That girl. Her appearance, was just too disturbing for him.
"A-ano... Are you Toshiya-san from Dir en grey?" A fan asked shyly. Her cheeks lighted with pale colour of pink. Quite pretty. He'd must admit.
"Yes" he smiled a little.
"Ah! C-Can I have a autograph?"
"Yes, of course"
A girl started to look for her calendar. Few seconds later, she found pink-blue one, she opened on one blue site and she gave it to her idol. He took out his pen.
"What's your name?"
"Harumi" girl looked down.
Toshiya wrote simple dedication and returned calendar to a girl. 
"Thank you, Toshiya-san!" and she ran away. Toshiya chuckled. 
So simple. So free. He thought for a while about being that girl, have some idols, normal life, school. An idol. A God. Was he a God for her? Even if, why he didn't have the power that God has? 
Toshiya looked at the bus. He's going to be late if he won't stand up. The bus leaved. Oh, yes, he is late for sure now. His hand combed his blond hair [ yes in this fic Toshiya already has blond hair ^^; - call~ ]. He stood up lazily. His hand in a pockets of punk jeans. Toshiya walked down the road. In other direction, that the fan girl ran. 


The boy ran out of the office.
"Fuck you too, jerk!!" he kicked the door. "Stupid moron" he murmured n then rubbed his nose. So again the whole day to do nothing, only to gad. 
He pouted, stick the tongue at the door that he just kicked and waved his way down the road.
After few steps he heard yelling.
"And don't you dare return without that composition!!" 
The boy turned around to see the angry eyes of the purple head. 
" I didn't write them yet!!" 
"So you have time to do it, now!!"
"Oh, fuck you Sakito!! I'm tired!!"
"I warn you, Miyabi, we might end up really bad, if you don't write that!! We don't have so much time left!"
Miyabi looked at him with pout. "Go fuck your Kikasa, maybe then you-" he couldn't end cuz Sakito's hand punched him. Miyabi fell on the ground. He looked up at Sakito's red of anger face.
"Shut up, you brat." he hissed. " Fucking virgin, you don't know anything!" He turned away and walked away.
Miyabi touched his chin, which started to hurt, his jaw also. He felt blood flowing through his nose, to his lips. He tasted it, licking his upper lip. He won't clean it. It would look much more effective to his punk clothes. He stood up and walked in to the vast nothingness.

According to me, dreams are the symbols of 'death'. Everyday I repeat my process of dying at night and living in the morning... I'm past tired... Am I numb to living? Or am I just tired of dying..?

After long hours of practicing. Toshiya put his bass in to the bass case. "Toshiya, I know you're really tired" The blond leader walked to him. "But you know that we must hard work on our next single. So please, try to concentrate more. And don't be so late too often." Kaoru looked at him with those piercing eyes. Toshiya met his gaze. "I try Kao kun" he smiled sweetly. Kaoru sighted and shook his head. "We will see how it would work in practice" He smiled.
Die pumped in to the room. Toshiya and Kaoru looked at him. Toshiya could clearly see that his band mate is changing. He's loosing his weight in eyes. That wasn't good. He should be strong, healthy looking, but he wasn't, that was worrying. But...
A big smile appeared on Die's face. 
"I bet you guys wanna go out for a drinks"
Shinya who entered the room, giggled. Die faced the drummer.
Shinya waved his hand and kept on giggling. Die rolled his eyes. "Whatever"
"So, guys, wanna have some drinks with me n my sweet, lil' baby-Shinya?"
Shinya giggled even more. Toshiya and Kaoru sweatdropped. 
"I guess, I go" Toshiya smiled.
"Me too" Kaoru chuckled.
"M'kay!" Die clapped his hands. "Let's meet in 15 min in the garage, we're taking Shinya's car"
Finally Shinya stopped giggling, and glared at Die.
"Why mine car?" He asked.
"Erm, because you're too young to drink" Die smirked.
"I'm 23!!" Shinya yelled and leaved the room.
"I guess the discussion's over" Kaoru smiled. "And we take my car."
"Fine" Die smiled and ran after Shinya.
Toshiya could hear Die screaming Shinya's name. 
They loved each other, that's for sure. Toshiya didn't love anybody. He looked at Kaoru who was packing his guitar. Kaoru? He could only feel sometimes the lust for the guitarist. But nothing more. He wondered, what the guitarist felt for him after that night..?***
"Oh!!" Don't stop!! Gods, Toshiya, you're soooooo gooood..."
Toshiya licked the head of Kaoru's member. Then he took the organ fully his in mouth again. He licked, sucked, so hard, that Kaoru moaned louder and louder. Toshiya's hands were touching Kaoru's legs, it's soft skin. "Oh..." Finally the smooth, professional fingers found the thigh opening. He massaged it softly. Toshiya kept on sucking Kaoru's penis. After a while of massaging the hole, Toshiya slid one finger in, then another. "AH!!" Kaoru yelled. "Gods!! Toshiya!!!" Toshiya started to thrust his fingers in the opening. Kaoru could see the darkness, he shut his eyes. The world swirled. Faster and faster. He couldn't hear any sounds. And then everything turned into slow-motion. He could feel Toshiya's hot and wet mouth. And then everything stopped. After few minutes he could hear sounds again. He opened his eyes into semi-darkness. In the corner of Toshiya's mouth he saw white, milky substance. "That was great Toshiya.." he whispered. 
Kaoru took his arms around the bassist. Toshiya dried his mouth. "Kaoru... I'm still hard" He whispered. Kaoru smiled. And soon, he was thrusting deeply in to Toshiya. Younger man was screaming his name in lust. Kaoru was moaning as he could hear the sensible voice. He felt how much it was turning him on. Toshiya wrapped the white sheets. "Ahhh!!" He shut his eyes. Kaoru was trusting in to him, harder and harder, faster and faster. Kaoru licked Toshiya's long milky neck. He kissed it hungrily. Then again. And again. 
Finally. "AAAHH!!" Toshiya reached the climax and split his seed all over Kaoru's stomach. Kaoru thrust once last time, and came in Toshiya.
He never kissed me on lips. Was the last thing that Toshiya could think of and then he got sank into the darkness. END***
Miyabi sat in the corner of the room. Red lights were flaming all-over the place. His eyes half shut. Heavy beats bumping in his head. Few minutes ago he had applied a cute dose of a heroin. He felt like flying away. Far away from the loud bumps. Far away from the whores around him. And finally far away from Duele Quartz and stupid Sakito. Jerk... He thought and smiled awfully. He really wanted to kick that bastard's ass someday. 
He pushed away another whore. What those bitches want from me?? "Fuck off!!" He cried out. The girl looked terrified and then she leaved him alone. "Finally..." he murmured. He looked at the selling. The strange coloured lights of reflectors were dancing on it. He looked more carefully. Some of the lights reminded him his past.
As a really young child he used to go to many different places. But mostly to the pubs with red and pink walls [ got what I mean? ;D -call~ ]. Thanks to his mother. Yeh... His mother was a whore. 
What could he do? She destroyed whole of his life. And he couldn't stop her from doing that.
Almost 15 years of walking with her to the bars. Now he was 19. Still not an adult. But already drunkard and drug addict. How pitiful. 
He was still looking at the selling. Strange, how life may be fucked up...
Suddenly he heard strange noises. The music stopped. Whores, barmen and the rest of the scum turned silent. He looked at the door. The police. Fuck.***
Knocked down
Cried out
Been down just to find out
I'm through living for you

I'm open wide
I want to take you home
We're wasting time
You're the only one for me

You look so fine
I'm like the desert tonight
Leave her behind
If you want to show me

Toshiya walked out of the car. They decided to go alone first, without Die and Shinya. He didn't say a thing to Kaoru for the whole time of ridding. When he turned around, he saw masses of policemen near the pub, and some even walking into the place. 
"Oh, great..."
Kaoru looked first at Toshiya then at the entrance of the pub.
"I think we need to find another pub"
Toshiya nodded.
They packed themselves [ urm... packed? ;D - call~ ] to the car. Toshiya closed the door.
Stop. Gunshots. Heart beat. Toshiya looked slowly to the car's mirror. His eyes wide shocked. Kaoru started the car. Toshiya grabbed his arm. "Kaoru! Stop!!" 
Suddenly somebody bumped into the car. "Fuck." Kaoru turned around. A boy.
"What the..?
Toshiya got out of the vehicle and ran to the boy. 
"Fast... Please, to the car... Ride" 
Toshiya helped him to go to the car. He's drunk. He thought.
When Toshiya finally sat on his place, Kaoru started the car again. 
After few seconds of riding, Toshiya looked at the boy.
"What's your name?"
Boy looked at him with big, empty eyes. Said nothing, just kept on looking at Toshiya. 
The bassist shivered. 
"What's your name, kid?" Toshiya replied the question.
Boy glared at him. He took the cig out of the pocket of his punk trousers. He lit it.
"Well?" Toshiya kept asking.
"Fuck you" Boy said and inhaled the cigarette. 
Now was the turn that Toshiya glared. But he felt something strange in his heart. He kept on looking at the boy. He had black hair. One piercing in a bottom lip. Quite sexy. His eyes were looking far away. His eyes were empty. Like in the person that is drunk or high. Maybe he was. But his eyes were telling one thing. He had lived much more then Toshiya had. That was for sure. Toshiya could clearly see it. He was much more maturity then he was looking like at the first sight. So precocious. 
Miyabi was lost in his thoughts. "Shut up, you brat." " Fucking virgin, you don't know anything!" Sakito. Yes, he still was a virgin. Quite a miracle, since his previous life was so... unsteady. But now, he don't want to be a virgin any more. He want to be much more older. He want to be an adult.
He looked at Toshiya. "What you're looking at?" he asked not very politely.
Toshiya smirked. "At you, moron." And he turned around. Kaoru just looked at Toshiya's smiling face. The worried look appeared on his face. On the backseat, Miyabi's cheeks turned pink. Why I feel so hot?

Toshiya couldn't tell why he felt so good with that boy. He felt like he new him whole eternity. The boy was a brat, very saucy. But when he was lost in his thoughts he looked so old. His eyes were precocious. Toshiya loved to look at him, when the boy didn't notice. They knew each other one night and he already wanted him, wasn't this too obvious? Wanted... him? Toshiya moved nervously at his place.
They were already in other pub. This one looked much better. He looked around. Almost every wall was in a different colour. The music wasn't loud nor silent, it was perfect. Barman was calmly making drinks. Kaoru was waiting for their drinks to make. The worst thing was, that Kaoru seemed to be a bit nervous. And... sad? Toshiya looked more carefully at his friend. Maybe..? No he couldn't feel a thing for him. Not a simple thing like... love. Kaoru chatted with barman. Soon he took the plate with three drinks and walked back to their table.
"Where's that kid?" Guitarist asked.
"I dunno, maybe he's in bathroom?" Toshiya thought for a while. Kaoru sat at the table, and slowly started to sip his drink. Gin with tonic. Toshiya stood up. "I'll be back in a sec" and he ran away to the bathroom.
Miyabi was sitting on the ground in one of the cabins. He smoked slowly his marihuana. He gazed at the selling. Again. He was thinking about that Toshiya guy. He didn't tell him his name yet. He thought if it still concerned the blonde. Deeply in his heart he hoped. He closed his eyes and slowly inhaled the cig. His mind started to swirl. He felt like he was going to fly away. He was catching breath cravingly. He loved this state. 
He loved when the smoke was blowing up his lungs. He loved the sate of not knowing and not wanting anything. He opened his eyes, he came back from the darkness to the brightness and reality. He shivered, someone was standing in front of him. No... It was only his imagination. He looked around. The walls, toilet everything looked like filmed with a very old camera. He shivered again. His widened eyes were looking fearfully. He jerked up. While sitting there and smoking marihuana, he forgot that the floor was dirty and smelly. Now his clothes were dirty as well. He didn't mind, it was looking more punk. But now he wasn't thinking clearly. His mind was swirling harder and faster with every second. He thought that he was going mad. This place is too small... I need.. Need to go out. He bumped out of the cabin right on to the floor again. Someone ran to him and rapped his hands around. Speaking slowly and calmly. Stroking his hair. But now, Miyabi was trembling and crying. His bad trip was keeping on. He didn't know who the person was. His blurred vision, crying mind, scared heard couldn't see anything. He was crying. Loud. He fell in to the comfortable arms. Soon he felt like the person was carrying him out.

"Sorry, Kaoru, can u please, take me home" Toshiya stood in a front of Kaoru. Guitarist looked at black-haired boy in his arms. The needle pricked his heart. 
"Okay" He stood up with a calm face. Both of them went to the car. And soon Toshiya was in a front of his building. "Thanks a lot, Kaoru" He smiled to him. Kaoru just nodded and drive away. 
Toshiya walked in to the building and then he ran through the stairs. He opened the door [ dun ask me how? ;) - call~ ] and after walking in, he kicked it to shut.
He looked at the angelic, milky face of the boy. "I wish I knew your name, kid" he murmured.
Toshiya carried him to the bedroom. And lied him on the sheets, gently brushing his face and hair. "So beautiful..." he whispered.

If we sleep together
Will you like me better
If we come together
We'd go down forever
If we sleep together
Will I like you better
If we come together
Prove it now or never
Miyabi opened his eyes. He saw other pair of chocolate eyes. He gasped. "Calm down, it's me, Toshiya"
Miyabi sighted. "You were strange acting at the pub" Toshiya started. So he was the one in a toilet!! Miyabi looked in fright. "I took you to my house, cuz there was nothing more to do at pub, n you were looking.. sick" Toshiya looked away, simply brushing his blond hair. [ moo~>.< - call~ ]. "...Miyabi" the boy whispered.
"Huh?" Toshiya looked at him. 
"My name is Miyabi"
Toshiya smiled. "Cute"
Miyabi pouted. "So what?" 
"Nothing" Toshiya patted him on a head and stood up. "Wanna something to drink?" 
Miyabi looked a bit hurt. I don't want him to be... this way... I.. want him to feel... something more about me... Miyabi bite his lip. 
The black-haired boy kicked the sheets and stood up. He leaned near Toshiya. And quickly, without thinking he kissed his lips. Toshiya was shocked, but soon he opened his mouth letting Miyabi's tongue in. The kissed gently, yet passionately. Their tongues played together the game of love. Soon they broke. Toshiya wanted more. This boy tasted so good. Miyabi looked away. "It... It might sound stupid." he smiled lightly. "But..." he looked back in to Toshiya's, deep eyes. "I.. think, I love you" Toshiya felt like falling down.
Miyabi looked in to his eyes, he searched for anything. He found nothing. But... but... This can't end like this. I confessed my feelings to him! Now his turn to tell me that he loves me back!! Miyabi felt like yelling and crying at the same time. It must be like in the love stories!! Why my life is always so fucked up!! The tears appeared in his eyes. Soon he was sobbing loudly, he fall on the bed. And hid his face in pillow. 
"Miyabi!!" Toshiya recovered from shock. 
"Don't come near me!!" Miyabi yelled. " I know you don't love me!" He raised his head up. "How supposedly you should?! You don't even know me.." his voice cracked. 
"Miyabi, but I didn't say that I don't love you!" Toshiya sat on the bed, and touched lightly Miyabi's trembling arm. "I know it's really hard to admit" he started calmly "that I love you too, because of the short time that we know each other. But I must tell you, that I really DO love you" Miyabi's sobbing clamed down a bit. "I feel like a know you from a very long time" he continued "It's so weird, but I trust my feelings."
Miyabi looked up. "Really? You love me?" 
"Yes, I do, I see this love is similar to the love that Shinya and Die share." Toshiya smiled.
"Shinya and Die?" Miyabi's eyes widened in shock.
"Yes" Toshiya looked at him. "What happend?"
"D-don't tell me you're THAT Toshiya!" Miyabi covered his mouth.
"Erm, what THAT Toshiya?" Toshiya looked confused a bit.
"Toshiya from Dir en grey!!" Miyabi yelled.
"yeh, I'm Toshiya from Dir en grey^^" Toshiya smiled cutely.
Miyabi said nothing, but fell of the bed, from shock. [ woho!! great perceptivity ;DD - call~ ]
"Miyabi!!" Toshiya ran to the boy. "Are you okay?" Toshiya asked while picking him up.
"Toshiya... THAT Toshiya... My God, what have I done >.<!"
"He? What do u mean?" 
"Toshiya, you're a STAR, what am I doing here??" Miyabi looked with big eyes at Toshiya, who was still very confused.
"So what? You want to tell me that I can't love anybody?" Toshiya looked a bit hurt.
"No, what I want to say is, that it's really strange that you love ME. ME, Miyabi from Due le quartz, Indies band!" Miyabi gesticulated furiously. 
"Wow, great!!" Toshiya laughed "I love Indies bands!" He kissed Miyabi on the lips. "I love you, Miya-chan" Miyabi purred. ***If we sleep together
Nothing satisfies me baby
If we sleep together
I'll wear something pretty baby
If we sleep together
Give me what I crave now baby
If we sleep together
Save the rest for later baby
If we sleep together
You will drive me crazy baby
If we sleep together
I save it all for you my baby
If we sleep together
If we sleep together
now listen to: GARBAGE "you look so fine"
Miyabi walked out slowly from a bathroom. He was wearing Toshiya's long black dress with a cut on hip [ u know what I mean, right? ;D - call~ ]. He waved slowly and sexily to Toshiya who was lying on bed with a seductive smile. Same smile Miyabi had on his face. He purred like a cat and sexily sat on the edge of the bed. One led was sexily [ what's with tha "sexily n sexily" all teh time :P - call~ ] showed. Miyabi crawled to Toshiya. "baby, you want me, right?"
Toshiya smiled wider. "Yeh, sexy hon" 
Miyabi giggled. One hand covering his red painted, full lips. 
Soon he looked up at Toshiya. "So take me, I'm yours"
Miyabi lied comfortably on bed, still looking into Toshiya's eyes, wondering what he will do.
Toshiya lied almost on him. But he was only touching him with his body. He delicately kissed Miyabi's lips. Soon the simple kiss turned into passionate and hungry one. When they broke up, Toshiya licked his lips and started to kiss and lick Miyabis fine, white neck. Miyabi moaned. He wrapped his arms around Toshiyas body, he started to touch him, caress him. Toshiya slid one hand under Miyabi, to find the zipper, soon he was pulling his dress down and showing Miyabi's chest. Toshiya started to kiss the boy's nipples. Miyabi gasped. This was his first time. Toshiya was delicate, yet firm. He was kissing him all over the chest. His tongue licked the way from one nipple to another then down his belly, to place where the public hair starts. Miyabi was completely naked lying under him, wanting him, waiting for him to prepare him, waiting for him to take him. Toshiya took of his t-shirt. Miyabi unzipped his trousers. Soon Toshiya was also naked. Two hot bodies were lying on a bed. Miyabi moaning loudly under Toshiya's hot kisses. He felt like his organ was hardening every second of caresses. Toshiya could see it clearly, but more, he could feel himself growing too. "Toshiya..." Miyabi whispered when Toshiya started to lick his penis. "Hm?" Toshiya didn't stop. "I've... I've never done it... with anybody.." Miyabi said silently. Toshiya looked up. Smiled and kissed Miyabi on lips. "Then I feel honoured" And he returned to his previous things. Miyabi moaned. He wasn't scared. He felt thet its' really good to do this with Toshiya. His very first time.
Toshiya was licking the tip of the penis. "To-Toshiya... I want to do... it -ah- to you"
"What?" Toshiya looked at Miyabi. Boy didn't say anything, but pointed at Toshiya hard groin. 
"Oh" Toshiya smiled, and lied on bed. Miyabi curled to him. First kissed the him on lips, then he licked Toshiya's neck. He bite his ear. "I.. love.. you..." he said with a husky voice. Toshiya could feel himself growing painfully. "Miyabi, please..." he moaned, when the boy took him fully in his mouth. He was sucking and licking it hardly. Toshiya moaned, and every moan was louder and louder. Miyabi was sucking him faster and faster. Taking him as deep as he could. Toshiya shut his eyes. "Oh, God..." Miyabi took Toshiya's nipple in fingers, He teased it. Toshiya was breathing hard. Toshiya couldn't take it any longer. He came in Miyabi's mouth. The boy choked. Some of sperm was on his chin and lips. Toshiya opened eyes tiredly. He looked at Miyabi, then he licked the sperm from his chin and from lips. They kissed passionately, touching hungrily. Toshiya couldn't believe but he was getting hard again. So fast... This boy... He makes me feel so... Toshiya thought while kissing Miyabi's collarbone. Then Miyabi pulled him for another kiss on lips. Their tongues met. Touching, tasking each other. Toshiya bite delicately on Miyabi's lower lip. "I want you to... take me.." Miyabi whispered huskily. "Now..."
"Are you sure?" Toshiya brushed his black hair from his face. 
"Yes! I'm sure!" And he spread his legs impatiently. Toshiya smiled.
He lied on Miyabi, kissed his cheek and then he thrust in to him. Miyabi screamed, but said to Toshiya: "Don't stop.." So Toshiya was thrusting faster and faster. Miyabi bit his lip, so hard that the blood showed. Toshiya licked that blood. He was penetrating, Miyabi's narrow hole. He felt so good, so fucking good.
Miyabi could feel pleasure building inside him. He could still feel terrible pain, but the pleasure was worth it. Soon the room was filled with loud moans of two man. Miyabi came first. Spilling all of his seed at Toshiya and himself. Then Toshiya thrust few last times and came with long moan. 
The two limb bodies lied satisfied on sheets. The big red stain was on one of them. 
"Miyabi, I'm so sorry..." Toshiya looked with concern in his eyes, at his lover.
"You silly, I don't mind" Miyabi smiled warmly "I love you"
"I love you too" Toshiya kissed him on a cheek, the he took few handkerchiefs and wiped carefully between Miyabi's legs Miyabi looked confused at Toshiya's hand. "D-Don't..."
"Shh.." Toshiya threw red stained handkerchief away. "Let's go sleep, okay?"
Miyabi nodded and curled in ball in Toshiya's warm arms.***
Loving me one more time
Hide inside me tonight
Do what you want to do
Just pretend happy end
Let me know let it show
Ending with letting go X3
Let's pretend happy end X4
Toshiya was sitting on a chair near the window. The cigarette in his slim fingers. Miyabi was still sleeping. Toshiya thought bout what happened yesterday. He really loved that boy and he was glad that Miyabi loved him back. He didn't regret what he done last night, he only hoped that when Miyabi will wake up, he wouldn't regret it as well. He inhaled cigarette deeply. Then he looked at the smoke. Grey. He looked at the sky. Blue. Life is beautiful, he smiled. The sun was brightly shinning, almost smiling at him. He felt so good, so right. He didn't realised the slim figure walking silently to him. Silently pulling his arms around Toshiya's shoulders. The blonde smiled. So he doesn't regret. "How did you sleep?" Toshiya asked.
"Mm... Fine, and you?"
"Me too" Toshiya turned around to see pale, beautiful face and big, chocolate eyes. 
Miyabi pulled Toshiya to kiss. Their tongues met in happy play. 
"I love you" Toshiya said after braking the kiss.
Miyabi smiled sweetly. "I love you too. Wanna something to eat?" 
"Hey, I was suppose to make you breakfast!" Toshiya stood up and ran after Miyabi, who was giggling, into the kitchen. ***THE END
Yeh, I know, u dunno what's with Kaoru ;) Me either ;D N I hate happy endings, BUT this was suppose to be happy >.< Because of marti n her depression >.<
Plz, Comments!!~ */me makes wet, big, puppy eyes*


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