emma-senseless desu

Senseless desu

by Emma 

Notes: umm.. sorry, i got home from school at 8:45 tonight and was pissed 
off, so i thought i'd write some fluff to calm me down.. but.. umm, it's not 
really fluffy at the moment, gomen. it's not my best writing.. but it's a 
cute story.. you might not think so yet, but TRUST me! it'll be really 
cute, i swear!!!

~Part 1~

How long had it been? How long had he been hiding in the corner? Shinya 
looked down the tech department hallway as he ate his lunch. No one else 
was here as the majority of the small school's population either ate in the 
cafeteria or just left campus for the more appealing Pizza Pizza or Country 
Style (note: both Canadian food places). He used to eat off campus. He 
would wander to the plaza beside the school amidst the small mob of 
students, unnoticed but not hated and despised. He might have been a loner, 
but he hadn't always been anti-social. that had been forced upon him by the 
bigoted homophobic people that surrounded him everyday at Schomberg 
Secondary School.

As he silently munched on his sandwich he thought about his role in the 
school. If he'd had any choice in the matter he would have dropped out long 
ago, but that would leave him penniless, uneducated, and disowned by his 
entire family. His only choice was to stay enrolled and endure the hell he 
was put through by his fellow students. _Fellow_ students? Didn't that 
imply something of fellowship? How ironic that he would think of them, 
associating them with that word. There was nothing of fellowship in the way 
they treated him. So that was why he'd decided to shun them just as much as 
they shunned him, think of it as a defense mechanism. Shinya was a very 
sensitive person, and although he hated to admit it, he did care about what 
other people thought of him. Despite the fact that he seemingly despised 
every other student in school it was very far from the truth. He cared 
about a great many students, one in particular, and that was probably what 
hurt him the most of all. His secret that was not so secret anymore was 
something that he had felt ashamed about. His family, and especially his 
father, had been very conservative while he was growing up, so when he began 
looking at other boys instead of the girls in class he couldn't help but 
feel that there was something wrong with him. It was only when he 
discovered the internet that he realized that there was nothing wrong with 
him. He was gay. Period. The end. He assumed other people would come to 
the same realization as him, but after over 2 years there was no difference 
in their behavior.

Shinya ate the last bite of his sandwich, rolled up the plastic sandwich 
baggie in his hand and got up, walking towards the trashcan. Just as he 
threw away his garbage he heard the door at the far end of the hallway open 
and the sound of footsteps resounded as 4 large guys walked into the tech 
hall. Shinya spun around to see who it was. His heart skipped a beat when 
he saw who was in the lead, but then sank again at the sight of the people 
in his company. Die strutted down the hall with 3 of his more obnoxious 
friends right on his heels. The look on their faces told Shinya what they 
were there for and he quickly picked up his books and began walking away 
from them hurriedly. he heard their footsteps quicken with his as he turned 
the corner into the stair well. Shinya dashed up the stairs 3 at a time and 
swung the door open. Die and co. were right behind him as he darted into the 
nearest classroom.

Safe. At least for now.


Die walked alone back to the tech hallway. He'd gone there in the first 
place to get his missed assignments from a teacher, but his friends had 
decided to play a nice joke on little Shinya Terachi. The poor guy, he 
never got a break. Die sighed as he opened the classroom door to the 
electronics room. His favourite teacher and friend was there, helping out a 
couple students with one of their house-wiring projects. Die approached him 
with a smile on his face, knowing he could confide in him.

"Mr. Harris," Die called out as he walked over, "I need the packet and the 
new circuit board project outline from class the other day."

"Ahh, Die," Mr. Harris stood up straight and clapped Die on the shoulder, "I 
was wondering when you were going to show up. No one with you today?" He 
raised an eyebrow, his tone showed his hidden laughter.

Die frowned, he'd been coming to Mr. Harris about his problems for a while 
now, almost a year, so he knew about Die's friends, about Die's secret, and 
he loved tease Die whenever he got the chance. "No, they decided to get 
their kicks chasing after Shin-chan." Die slapped his hand over his mouth 
quickly. He may have told Mr. Harris that he was bisexual, but he'd never 
mentioned Shinya to him before. He snapped his eyes shut and groaned 

Mr. Harris chuckled knowingly, "Die, Die, I know. So Shinya Terachi, eh?" 
he smiled at Die, who had begun to relax, "What are you going to do about 
your feelings?" After asking, he thought twice, and asked a different 
question, "What are you going to do about your _friends_?"

Die took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, a deeply saddened look on his 
face. "I've been wondering about that for a while now, and the only answer 
I can think of is to just not do anything." He shrugged his shoulders and 
sighed, "I'm not like Shinya, I can't survive in this school as an outcast. 
I'm not strong enough, so I'll keep things the way they are and just do 
nothing, I suppose."

Die looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. His teacher had a 
sympathetic look on his face, but he didn't agree with die's decision. "I 
think you might surprise yourself there, although I understand your 
reasoning. Did it ever occur to you that Shinya's not surviving?


"Did you ever think that maybe Shinya's not as strong as you think?" Die 
looked at Mr. Harris. It seemed odd that he'd never wondered about that. 
Shinya always seemed so bold and tough, but thinking about it, he'd never 
really talked to the boy so he couldn't say for sure.

"Well, whatever you decide to do, I think you should think it over a bit 
more first." Why did he have to be so right all the time? Even though he 
considered this teacher a friend, Die still found it annoying when he acted 
old and wise and.. all-knowing.

He rolled his eyes and nodded in agreement. "Alright. i've got to run, 
though, my friends are probably looking for me." He grinned wryly as he 
took his leave, waving to Mr. Harris as he left the room.


The best thing about being a senior in high school was the fact that he was 
old enough to drive, and the best thing about having a family with a fair 
amount of money was that he had a car, so as soon as his 6th period class 
ended he packed up his books and left the building as fast as he could. 
Shinya tossed his bag onto the passenger seat of his car, and turned the 
radio on. He turned it up so that it was loud enough to drown out the 
sounds of the rest of the students milling around so that he wouldn't have 
to deal with them. He unfortunatly drowned out the one person who meant the 
most to him in the process. Die was left alone in the parking lot, having 
failed to wave down Shinya.

He peeled out of the parking lot and sped towards his home, set for another 
night of internet and books. Most people his age would be sitting around at 
a friend's house, going out somewhere, but he stayed home. He felt safe in 
his warm basement, secluded, alone, private. It was secure, the only place 
he felt protected from the vicious attitudes of the people he attended 
school with everyday.

Shinya noticed the absense of his mother's car as he pulled into the 
driveway. //No one home,// he thought, turning off his car and getting out. 
He deftly swung his school bag over his should and jogged up to his front 
door, sliding his house key from his pocket in the process. Once inside he 
kicked off his shoes and headed for the stairs leading down into his life.

Almost an house later his attention was brought away from his computer 
screen my the sound of his mother returning home. He waited the customary 2 
minutes before he heard her call down to him. "Shinya?" Every light switch 
she passed was flicked on as she descended into the basement in an attempt 
to get Shinya's attention. "Shinya honey, I know you're down here." She 
peeked her head inside Shinya's room and turned on his light.

"I'm here, mom," Shinya finally replied, "At the computer."

His mother frowned as she eyed Shinya seated in his favourite swivel chair 
grinning back at her. "I should have known." She sighed, "Shinya, sweetie, 
you really shouldn't be on that thing all the time. it's not healthy!"

Shinya rolled his eyes and flipped the switch on his monitor and watched as 
the picture disappeared. His mother smiled a sweet smile and turned to 
leave. Before she left, however, she turned around as if she'd forgotten 
something, "Oh, Shinya-" she began, "I forgot to tell you. Ms. Baker from 
next door called me today and asked if you could take the twins to the faire 
tonight. I told her you didn't have any plans and would be happy to help 
her out. I said you'd pick them up at 7." Before Shinya could protest 
she'd left the room, pulling the plug for the spike bar powering his entire 
computer out of the electrical socket on her way. She laughed softly as she 
heard him groan in disappointment.

Shinya's head drooped, going over his new plans for the night in his head. 
He watched his mother's retreating form, unable to express his feelings 
directly to her. The Schomberg Agricultural Faire; and annual event giving 
the entire town an excuse to sell over priced garbage and sit around 
throwing back a few beers. Shinya scowled at the thought of it. Not only 
would he be forced to face his peers, but he'd also have to endure all the 
people, old and young, in his town that he abhorred. At least the twins 
weren't so bad. They'd recently had their 12th birthday so they'd keep to 
themselves for the most part, but...

Brightening, he though, //Maybe Die will be there//. Shinya frowned again, 
maybe Die's friends would be there. After sitting for a few more moments in 
silence, thinking about his situation, he opted to make the most of it. He 
had no way of getting out of his obligation and he'd end up making a bit of 
money. Anyways, he'd get a chance to ride a ferris wheel. So, letting out 
a deep breathe he got up and padded over to his doorway to turn out his 
light and plug in his computer to pass the time.


"Dude, don't you want a hit?" A nameless face held the bong out to Die who 
waved it away. The things his friends did seemed to get more insanely 
stupid everyday. Sure, he enjoyed a bit of pot every now and then, but they 
were starting to smoke it every day, all the time, and they never seemed to 
want to do anything else. It was as i they had nothing better to do with 
their time. He liked them more when they all played sports or actually held 
conversations. When they were high all they ever did was sit around 
laughing at the worst jokes and watching the effect of a black light and 
strobe light on black light felt posters. It was getting ridiculous. He 
laughed at them as he stared out the window. The faire was already going 
strong, and this was the way his friends felt they needed to 'prepare' for 
the festivities. He shook his head at the insane stupidity and left the 
room, lighting a cigarette as he went. Ok, so he wasn't completely devoid 
of teenage rebellion, he smoked like a chimney and was well known for his 
alcohol-consuming abilities, but anything more he generally frowned upon.

Die walked out into the brisk autumn air and headed for the fairegrounds. 
Checking his watch he noted the time, 8:26, just the right time to go to the 
faire. The Schomberg Faire was the night he looked forward to most out of 
the year. It brought out nearly everyone in his town for a night for fun. 
There were rides for the younger people and rows of local vendors and 
farmers selling everything from homemade fudge and pies to prized cattle and 
pigs. At the gate Die was greeted by a kind elderly man who took his $5 and 
placed a stamp on his hand. He walked into another world and looked around 
at the bustle of people. Smiling, he happily walked around the faire alone 
and set out to find some of that fudge he loved so much.


"Shiiiiiin-yaaaaa!" The young man's head spun around as a twin called his 
name, "I want some fudge!" Shinya sighed and stood up, closing his book as 
he did so. He stashed the book in his bag and rolled his eyes, grinning at 
the 12 year old. The boy whooped with joy and grabbed his brother;s hand, 
running ahead of Shinya towards the fudge vendor. It was almost 8:30 and 
the twins hadn't left him alone for a second. They'd stayed near him and 
only half an hour earlier had found their friends and begun running around a 
bit, letting Shinya read. He pulled out the money their mother had given 
him to spend on them at the faire and ourchased 3 blocks of fudge, chocolate 
for the twins and the last butterscotch for himself. Once they had their 
fudge and turned to leave Shinya noticed Die's approaching form, followed by 
a few of his friends about 20 feet behind him, trying to put on enough speed 
to catch him. Panic hit Shinya. He grabbed the twins' hands and made a mad 
dash for the nearest ride. Mistake.

It only took him a minutes to realize that he'd accidentally ran inside the 
Gravitron, the one ride that made him completely and utterly ill. He tried 
to breathe deep breaths and calm down, but as soon as the doors began to 
close he could feel his heart beat rise and his breathing become shallow and 
weak. Fear shone in his eyes as he listened to the insane giggling of the 
children surrounding his helpless form. His head began to spin, he couldn't 
tell the floor from the ceiling and his vision began to blur. as soon as 
the ride stopped his body fell to the ground like a stone, he'd passed out.

"What kind of a pansy is he?"

"He passed out on the GRAVITRON?"


"Seriously, he should not be allowed out of the padded room."

"Heh, nice one."

"Cut it out-"

"Looks like someone forgot to take his medication!"

"He's such a girl."

"Guys! Quit it!"


Shinya fought his awakening conscious. He could hear the taunting voices of 
Die's friends and didn't want to face them. Despite his efforts, his eyes 
flickered open, rewarding his with the scene of the ride operator kneeling 
over him, a worried look on his face, and a small group of boys his age 
laughing. He shook his head lightly, shaking off the groggy feeling and 
slight nausea. He couldn't take the insults. As soon as he could, he stood 
up and walked away. As soon as his legs felt sturdy beneath him he began 
running as fast as he could, trying to get away from the voices he continued 
to hear in his head. tears fell down both his cheeks with reckless abandon 
and when he finally stopped and slumped down beside a tree on the edge of 
the woods. He couldn't contain the sobs that wracked him until he heard the 
sound of approaching voices.

"Did you see where he went?"

Shinya froze. It was one of Die's wonderful friends. Were they looking for 
him? Probably.

"No. I think I saw him run over here. the little faggot had tears in his 
eyes!" They all started laughing at that. Shinya continued the cower 
behind the trees, his fists clenched in tight balls to control his anger. 
He could easily have been seen if his pursuers weren't high and probably 
drunk. He prayed to God that they wouldn't see him. Numbness spread across 
his mind when he noticed Die's eyes on his. They stared at each other for 
eternity. The tears continued to roll down Shinya's cheeks, he was spotted. 
Only, for some reason, Die didn't announce his whereabouts, he simply 
smiled that heart breaking smile of his and winked.

"Hey guys," he started, and just as Shinya was about to run Die continued, 
"I think I saw him run towards the vendors." Shinya's heart dropped into 
the pit of his stomach as he listened to Die tell his friend to head in the 
opposite direction. Before leading his friends away, Die mouthed 'Wait for 
me, I'll be back.' to Shinya.

A million thoughts flew through Shinyas mind as he thought about what had 
happened. Was it a sick joke? What did Die want? He eventually sat back 
and replayed Die's wink, Die's smile, and Die's message. Wait..? For what? 
Scared, he left his hiding spot, unsure of what Die had meant, but sure 
that he was better off without knowing.


end of part one.. gee, i always end up stopping writing because i'm dead 
tired. Oh well, I started this one a while ago, and i know i hsoul finish 
my other fics, but i didn't feel like writing comedy or super angst tonight 
^^;; i did get a really cute idea for a hisaxjiro cute wittle funny fic 
though, and i'll try to write it this weekend.



to be continued~

back to deg fics pg3