"I'm sorry, I all out."
Die stared at the fudge vendor with a look of shock and horror, no more
butterscotch? Was it even possible? He began stammering and shaking
slightly. Didn't it just figure? He'd finally been able to ditch his
friends and now he's denied his favourite flavour of fudge because he'd been
distracted for a short while. And damnit, now he didn't have anything to
offer Shinya as an apology.
"I've still got some chocolate left, if you'd like some." The old woman
held out a dark brown block of fudge. Die frowned ever so slightly and
accepted it, knowing that it wasn't half as good as butterscotch. And he
couldn't even eat any of it, he was alergic to chocolate! Well, hopefully
Shinya would enjoy it.
Looking around his general vacinity he checked to make sure none of his
friends had returned from their latest round of marijuana-smoking. He saw
no one stumbling towards him and started off, back to the edge of the
fairgrounds where he'd left Shinya. He smiled and walked with a slight
bounce to his step, happy that he'd be able to spend a little time with the
boy without his friends nearby. He was somewhat nervous, though, as he was
sure that Shinya hated him because of the things his friends, even he at
times, had done. Having been so obsessed with his image and his friends at
school, Die had at one time taken part in the ridicule and torment of Shinya
Terachi and he regretted every name he'd called him, every shove in the
corridor, every smirk or laugh or unsaid apology. Die faltered in his step,
not quite sure of what he was really doing. Shinya would probably spit on
him, tell him off and leave. Bold Shinya. Loner Shinya. Pretty Shinya.
He rehearsed his apology under his breath as he made his way more slowly to
the tree under which Shinya had been sitting. He hung his head, ashamed of
his treatment of his crush, and shuffled his feet as he approached the tree.
"I- I.. that is, I'm really sorry-" he looked up at where Shinya should have
been, "Shinya?" He swung his head around, searching the area. Had he
forgotten which tree it had been? No, this was the right tree, but Shinya
was gone. Stupid! Stupid stupid stupid! Of course Shinya was gone, why
would he have stayed? Die sunk to his knees and held his head in his hands.
//I should never have gone along with my friends. I should have told
people the truth, I should have, I should have.. I should have told
Shinya's game plan for forgetting that awfully confusing situation with die
and co. was to go in search of the twins, tell them they'd be leaving soon
and head for the ferris wheel for one ride before he left. If he was lucky
he'd be able to avoid any more confrontations with the dreadful group. He
felt a slight pang of regret for leaving his hiding spot knowing that die
would go looking for him there, but he didn't quite understand what Die was
playing at, winking at him, arranging to meet him alone. The only
explanation for it all was that he'd been playing a joke on him, right? He
couldn't possibly be interested in.. No, Die was.. Die. Shinya walked by
tent after tent of carnival games while on his search for his young charges.
If he knew them, they'd gotten tired of the larger rides and had calmed
down enough so that they were now spending every coin in their possesion on
the juvinile shooting games and coin tosses. As it turned out, he was
right. He found them facing off with each other on a watergun race, the
kind where you use a watergun to supress a target continuously so that your
racer wins the race. Once they finished their game he called them over.
"Shinya, you ok?" one of them asked, concerned. Shinya smiled and ruffled
the boy's hair playfully. He smiled as an answer and the boy grinned back
at him. "Good, we were a little worried about you."
"Worried? Why?" Shinya laughed, "I should be the one worried about you. I
mean, I ran off and left you guys alone, didn't I?" The twins both rolled
their eyes at him.
"Shin-ya~, we're 12 years old! We can take care of ourselves, you know
that." Shinya chuckled in agreement.
"Well, I still shouldn't have dashed off like that. It's my job to take
care of you guys, if I don't do that I wouldn't actually be earning the good
money your mom is giving me, now would I?" When they murmured their
understanding, Shinya led them away from the tent. "Ok, guys, it's almost
9:30. Here's $5 each, spend it well, and meet me in 20 minutes at the gate
so I can get you home in time."
"We're leaving?" They both protested.
"In 20 minutes, so make the most of it!" Shinya waved them away, laughing
as he watched them dash as fast as they could for the ticket booth so they
could play more games. Shinya turned around and started towards the Ferris
Wheel. The lineup wasn't too bad, but he'd have to wait about 5 minutes
toget his turn. Everyone else in the line had someone else with them and
Shinya couldn't help but feel that pain in his chest remembering Die's smile
and wink. If he'd stayed by the tree, would there have been any way he'd be
standing in line with Die at that very moment? Shinya shook his head, that
wouldn't have happened. Die had only been playing some sort of sick joke,
Once he'd made it to the front of the line he waited a bit for an open seat.
When he stepped up, the ride operator took his tickets. "You got a
"uhh.. No." //MISS?// Shinya stared in bewilderment at the man. He
couldn't possibly look that feminine, could he? He was abruptly brought out
of his thoughts by the operator's shouts.
"LONELY RIDE IN BUCKET 5! LONELY RIDE IN BUCKET 5!" Humiliated beyond
belief Shinya sat in the seat, sheilding his face with his arm so he
couldn't see the laughter in the eyes of the people around him. To his
surprise the operator suddenly stopped yelling as a pair of boots stomped up
to the ride, offering tickets and a very large grin.
Die ran to the first ride he came across. No Shinya. He ran over the the
jewelry vendors. No Shinya. He dashed past the people selling food and
alcohol, some live music, and God only knows how many games he went by. He
was about to give up when he was passing the Ferris Wheel and heard a loud
voice yelling out to the crowd of people.
"LONELY RIDE IN BUCKET 5! LONELY RIDE IN BUCKET 5!" He looked closer and
sure enough he noted a very embarrassed Shinya sitting in the open seat on
the ride. He gave a short whoop of joy before jogging to the front of the
line. Handing the operator his 3 tickets he turned to Shinya and yet again
gave him a smile that could melt the heart of a grinch. Die prompty sat
beside the object of his affection and pulled the bar down over their laps,
successfully locking them in together.
Shinya still sat there with a thoroughly surprised look on his face. His
mouth moved slightly up and down as if he was trying to say something, but
all that came out was a few choked gurgles. Die laughed softly and touched
his index finger to Shinya's mouth. "Shh.. I needed to talk to you
Shin-chan." The use of the familiar name caused Shinya even more surprise.
Die shifted so that his body was angled slightly towards the other young man
and raked his left hand through his long locks of hair, hesistating in what
he wanted to say. "I'm sorry." He left it simply at that. He didn't want
to cheapen the apology with excuses for his behavior or that of his friends,
it was better this way. "I'm sorry for what I've done, for what everyone
else has done. I'm just.. sorry." He hung his head, waiting for a reply of
sorts from Shinya, but the other occupant of the seat was so stupified that
he wouldn't have been able to talk if the fate of the world had depended on
Die sighed and looked up into Shinya's eyes. He was surprised to find them
blurred by tears and his cheeks wet. He'd never expected that sort of
reaction from Shinya. Anger maybe, indifference perhaps, but not.. crying?
"Oh god, Shinya, please. Please," he begged, "Please don't cry!" Shinya's
response was to be wracked by more sobs. Not quite understanding and
definatly not knowing what to do, Die held out his arms pulled Shinya
towards him in an impromtu embrace. "Shh, Shinya, it's ok. Why are you
"I don't know," Shinya whispered back to him, "Why are you being nice to
me?" The question broke Die's heart. "Aren't I like a disease? Why are
you even talking to me?" The anguish in his trembling voice made Die's
spirits sink into the depths of depression in an instant. "Do you- do you-"
he was having trouble asking the last question, but, summoning up the
courage he needed, he blurted it out rapidly, "Do you actually care?"
Die was completely taken aback by the entire situation he'd placed himself
in. Here he was, circling round in the air on a Ferris Wheel, holding
Shinya Terachi in his arms, comforting him, trying to ease his pain,
apologizing to him, and all of this in plain view of his entire town. He
must've been going insane, but that was the effect that Shinya had on him.
"Of course I care. I've just never been good at letting that actually..
show. I'm so sorry Shin-chan, please forgive me."
At that moment the Ferris Wheel stopped so that another couple could get on.
Die and Shinya found themselves sitting at the very top of the wheel,
Shinya facing what was quite possibly the scariest situation he'd ever had
to deal with and definatly the scariest decision ever. He had only a split
second to make it, or the moment would be gone, and lost in the intoxicating
atmosphere Die created he made his decision. He lifted his head from Die's
shoulder and raised his face to Die's, all the while gazing into the depths
of his eyes, and brushed his lips lightly over Die's. The effect it
produced on Die was electrifying. Sitting so high above the Earth, Die
shivered at the feather-like contact. He closed his eyes and instinctivly
sought out Shinya's lips. He kissed Shinya gently, fully aware of his
fright, and scared beyond belief himself at what he was doing. They
lingered there, caught in a light embrace, for what seemed like an eternity
before the Ferris Wheel began once again to turn.
The jolt of the gears broke the tremulous contact between them and neither
of them was fully able to comprehend their situation, so they merely sat
there, staring ahead into space, still sitting close to each other. When
they reached the bottom the ride stopped and the operator stepped forward to
lift up their lap bar so they could get off. Die stood up gingerly and held
his hand out to help the slower and more dazed Shinya. Once he'd led Shinya
away from the Ferris Wheel he reached out and brushed the last of the tears
from his face. "You're much too pretty to cry," he said, smiling, still
holding Shinya's hand in his.
Shinya refused to lift up his head, as that remark had prompted new tears to
fall from his eyes. He couldn't understand himself, he'd just been paid a
compliment by the one person he quite possibly loved most in the world.
Hell, he'd just kissed, been kissed BY that person a few minutes earlier.
What was wrong with him? Confusion was all that registered in his mind,
hurt, feelings of anger as well towards Die for not saying something sooner,
for letting him think no one cared, for letting him contemplate suicide
because of that fact. It was so unfair. But then.. here was Die, calling
him pretty, acting contrary to the person Shinya was afraid of at school,
making Shinya love him all the more despite what he'd ever done to him.
Unable to sort out his feelings on the spot with Die standing right there,
Shinya shook his hand from Die's grasp. He put a forced smile on his face,
betraying his inner anguish with his eyes, and looked up. "Umm.. I've got
to go." Shinya was already halfway to the gate to the fairgrounds, running
as fast as he could, before his words had even registered in Die's mind. He
didn't stop to think, however, he simply ran after him.
Being the althetic type he was, Die probably could have caught up with
Shinya, too, if a certain stoned high school senior hadn't gotten in his
"Die! DUDE! I've been looking for you EVERYWHERE!" His friend slapped him
roughly on the shoulder. "You'll never guess what I saw!"
Die rolled his eyes, trying in vain to escape from nameless, faceless
"friend" of his. "What?"
"Shinya Terachi! on the Ferris Wheel! Making out with someone!!" Die's
eyes went wide. his friends had seen? Not only had they seen, but they'd
recognised Shinya and not him? Their FRIEND? He laughed, wiping tears from
his eyes. His friend looks somewhat taken offguard, but he hesitantly
laughed along, "Yeah, heh, I know, eh? Shinya? Making out with someone?
Die stopped laughing abruptly and coughed. He looked directly into the
other man's eyes, suddenly turning his gaze into ice. The other's laughter
died off slowly under the harshness of the glare. "You moron, you fucking
imbecile! That was ME, I was up there on the Ferris Wheel with Shinya."
He waited for that to register with his friend. t didn't seem to sink in,
as his mind was currently taking a trip away from the body. Die balled his
hand into a fist, pulled back his arm and swung a hard left straight into
the other man's jaw, knocking him flat to the ground. "And we weren't
making out, it was a fucking innocent kiss."
Die stalked off towards the gate to the fairgrounds. He was definatly too
late to catch up with Shinya by that time, so he opted to walk instead of
run. Anyways, walking gave him the chance to think about what he'd just
done. Even though he'd obviously been high, his friend would still remember
what had happened and would surely spread it to the rest of his friends. By
Monday he'd be just as much an exile as Shinya. He surprised himself; he
didn't feel at all scared. In fact, he felt immeasurably relieved, as if
he'd been slowly suffocating and someone had just let him get all the oxygen
he needed. It was intoxicating and new, this feeling of freedom. Now his
only problem was how to face Shinya. He had no real excuse to go to
Shinya's house. What would he say? "Uhh, shinya? Yeah, I love you even
though i've called you a faggot and physically hurt you and ..yeah." that
wouldn't work. He sighed as he exited the Schomberg Agricultural Faire for
the year and walked down main street towards his car. He reached his hand
into his jacket pocket for his keys. His hand came in contact with
something else entirely, though, and he pulled it out nd smiled to himself.
He'd forgotten to give Shinya the small token of his apology. The fudge.
That was his excuse to go to Shinya's house. He got into his car and drove
home as fast as he could. He had to find his High School Directory. If he
was going to show up at Shinya's door he first needed to know where exaclty
the boy lived.
-_-'' it's 4am... but i finished this part, woohoo!!! and now i'm
insanely tired. i didn't read over it, but it IS 4am and my eyesight is
rather blurred and i'm pretty much already drooling on the keyboard I'm so
Comments, PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!! (and thank you very much to everyone who
replied to part one, i've never have that many comments before, it made me
to be continued~
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