by Gackt no Hime
COMMENTS: PLEASE R&R!! I wanna know if anyone actually reads this ficcie! and for those waiting for the next part of Not What It Seems, ..it's in the works (stupid Hamlet and college applications >__<!)
NOTE!: thoughts are denoted like //so//
letter contents are denoted like <so>
"Kyo!" a blue haired young man ran to catch up to his friend. The blond vocalist stopped and waited for the bassist.
"What do you want, Totchi?" came Kyo's bored voice.
"Tch! Someone sounds happy..." Toshiya replied sarcastically. Kyo only rolled his eyes in response. "Well?"
"Well what?" Kyo asked, puzzled.
Toshiya sighed, exasperated. "When are you going to tell him?" the bassist asked his friend when they started walking again.
"Not helpful, Totchi!" answered Kyo, rolling his eyes again. "Tell who what?"
"Kaoru that you love him..."
Kyo stopped dead in his tracks, paling visibly. "W-what??"
"Oh come on, Kyo! Kaoru maybe pathetically dense in these areas, but not *me*!" It was now the bassist's turn to roll his eyes.
Toshiya had been observing Kyo since Dir en grey started their tour, and what had once been an inkling was proven in these past few days: Kyo was helplessly and hopelessly in love with Kaoru.
"I- I don't know what you're talking about, but you better stop saying things like that, it could ruin relationships in the band, Toshimasa Hara--"
"Ah-hah! You using my full name just proves that I'm onto something!" Toshiya interrupted before the small vocalist could finish his sentence.
Kyo nearly had a heart-attack at the sound of that voice in the middle of THIS discussion.... Even Toshiya paled at bit at the sudden interjection.
"K-Kaoru!" Toshiya greeted--or *tried* to greet-- the owner of that voice. "Eh heheheh... nothing! Nothing! ^^;;;..."
Kaoru looked skeptically at the pair, "...."
"It a secret between Kyo-chan and I" Toshiya blurted out in his desperation to keep Kaoru from questioning further.
Kyo's eyes snapped up at Toshiya, wide with disbelief. And because of that he missed Kaoru's dejected statement when the guitarist replied with an "Oh."
"Kaoru!" a flash of red popped out from behind a door down the hallway. "There's this guitar part we need to work on together!"
"Coming!" Kaoru called back, then, turning back to Kyo and Toshiya he said, "Well, gotta run now... see you after lunch! And don't be late!" With that, Kaoru ran off in Die's direction.
Toshiya felt an intense glare on the side of his head,...and he tried to ignore it.
"Anou.... So,... what do you wanna do tonight, Kyo?"
"Oh, what happened to 'Kyo-CHAN', Totchi?" Kyo's glare intensified.
"Awww... come on! There's no need to get violent!" Toshiya pleaded while backing away from the approaching vocalist that has "evil intent" scribbled all over his face. "I mean," Toshiya gulped as his back met the wall, "It was either me blurting that out or your crush on Kaoru out!"
Kyo immediately slammed his hand over the bassist's mouth.
"Shhhh!!! Are you trying to let the whole world know???" Kyo hissed while glancing around the hallway for any sign of people. The blond's attention riveted back to the bassist when he felt the blue haired man's lips curving into a grin under his hand.
//Must. Resist. Urge. To. Throttle. Band. Needs. Bassist. Unhappy Kaoru if band isn't running smoothly...//
Toshiya pulled Kyo's hand away from his mouth, grin widening even more, "Ahhhh... so you're finally admitting it ..." >)
//Must not throttle. Must not throttle. Must not throttle. Must not throttle.//
Sensing some sort of ... tension...building within the vocalist, Toshiya suddenly felt it'd be better for his health if he didn't push the matter... yet.
"Well Kyo-chan," Toshiya started, ruffling the blond's hair, an action that made the vocalist's back and shoulders stiffen even more. "Let's talk about this over a drink tonight." And before Kyo could do something harmful to the pretty bassist, Toshiya followed Kaoru's example and disappeared behind the practice room door.
//I should have throttled him...//
"Ne~~~~~ Kaoru~~~~! Let's call it a day! It's past 7 o'clock!" came Toshiya's whiny plead when Kaoru wanted to redo "Yokan" for the umpteenth time. Immediately following Toshiya's lead, 3 pairs of pleading eyes turned to beg Kaoru to agree.
Glancing at the clock and then at his bandmates, Kaoru reluctantly agreed, "Alright. But be here early tomorrow morning! You know the last show of the tour is coming up, and I want--"
"'Everything to be perfect!'" Die finished for Kaoru, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know Kaoru... You've been only saying it what? For the ten thousandth time?"
Kaoru pouted at that.
"Ne Kyo, let's go out together for that drink you promised," Toshiya suddenly *commanded*, draping an arm around said vocalist to keep the petite blond man from escaping and also effectively bringing him back to reality.
"Did I hear the word 'drink'?" Die chirped in. "Where? When?"
"Sorry Die-chan, it's a date between our dear wittle vocalist," Toshiya's voice turned dangerously cute when referring to Kyo, "and I."
A low growl from Kyo was all the warning Toshiya got before the blond man turned around to attack. "Don't call me 'wittle'!!! >_<!!!"
The roommates were too busy running around (one chasing while the other was being chased) to notice the pink haired guitarist's crestfallen face. But that doesn't mean it was missed by all the band members...
"Ne Kaoru... come out for a drink with Die and I" came a voice from behind the drumset.
Die was about to protest when Shinya's glare shut him up. Shinya's eyes quickly darted to Kaoru, and Die followed just in time to see his fellow guitarist struggling to conceal the last bits of sadness from his statement. Immediately feeling guilty for not noticing it earlier, Die immediately seconded Shinya's offer. "Yeah, Kaoru, come with us! It'd be fun!"
"I'll take that as a yes!" Die immediately cut in.
Both Kaoru and Shinya sweatdropped at Die, but both grateful of his antic nonetheless.
"So, Kyo, WHEN are you going to tell him?"
"Toshiya, we've been through this before..." Kyo stated, staring gloomily into his beer bottle.
"I think you should tell him before the tour is over..." Toshiya said thoughtfully while Kyo buried his head between his hands.
//Hasn't the man been paying ANY attention to what I've been saying??!!//
"Totchi, listen to me, " the vocalist started, staring deep into his friend's eyes. "I. CANNOT. tell. him."
"Why not?" voiced turning whiny....
"Just... because," Kyo finished with an obscure gesture of the hands, feeling a headache building from trying to explain his feelings to the bassist.
//How could he understand? He's so... pretty...// Kyo sighed. //Nothing like me...//
"Kyo, talk to him--"
"Totchi just drop it okay?" Kyo cut in coldly. "He probably doesn't even like guys... I've only heard of him having girlfriends, if that rings any bells in you!"
Toshiya was taken aback by the harsh tone of voice, and remained quiet for a minute.
"Sorry, Totchi... I- I didn't mean to...."
"Kyo," Toshiya said, standing up, "talk to him... if you can't talk to him directly, at least write him a letter--a note-- anything! But don't let your feelings remain hidden and repressed... it'll only torture you." With that, the bassist made his way past Kyo. At the entrance of the bar, Toshiya turned around to take another look at Kyo, and was surprised to see the frail body shaking. The bassist KNEW Kyo was crying even though his face was buried in his arms.
Kyo's head shot up when he felt someone embracing him from behind, and was ready to tell the person off when the person spoke.
"Shhhh... Kyo, stop crying, I'm sorry..."
The blue-haired man went around and knelt at Kyo's side, brushing the unruly blond hair away from tear-stained face, and, looking deep into Kyo's eyes, said, "I am going to get you with Kaoru if that's the last thing I do." And with that, he broke into a wide mischievous grin. "By the way, if it means anything to you, Die told me that Kaoru used to date guys as well..."
Kyo stared at his friend, jaw dropped in shock, not knowing whether to cry harder or laugh. After a few seconds though, Kyo ended up doing both, burying himself further in Toshiya's embrace.
Toshiya chuckled softly, calming his blond friend while loud music drowned out the awkward mixture of sobs and laughter, and the rest of the people danced away to the pounding beat, oblivious to the pair.
[5:24 am, December 18th, 1999]
"KYO~~~!!! WAKE UP!!""
Toshiya sighed in exasperation. He's been trying to get the vocalist to wake up for the last 24 minutes to no avail. //Time for the last resort...// Toshiya thought with an evil grin...
Taking a deep breath, Toshiya screamed out at the top of his lungs: "OH MY GOD! KAORU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??!?!?"
"WHAT??!!" Kyo immediately bolted upright in bed, wide awake.
Toshiya was laughing like crazy when Kyo finally realized what the bassist did.
"Why you little *brat*!"
[6:00 am, December 18th, 1999]
"Why'd you wake me up so early, Totchi??" Kyo demanded with a yawn.
"Today's a big day for you..." Toshiya answered absent mindedly.
"Really? What?, I get to sleep for as long as I want?" Kyo asked with a pout, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.
Toshiya was about to say 'kawaii' when he caught himself. //No... must resist... can't have Kyo use my face as a drawing canvas again// Toshiya thought to himself, remembering the last time he directly called the petite vocalist that word. //Focus on the matter at hand...//
"No... but you get to tell Kaoru your feelings for him today...." Toshiya tried to say it as casually as possible.
"Oh.. Oka-" Kyo stopped mid-sentence as Toshiya's words registered in his brain. "WHAT????"
[8:00 am, December 18th, 1999]
Another piece of crumbled paper was tossed into an overflowing waste basket.
"-_-;;.... Kyo, you're the vocalist of Dir en grey... you write all the lyrics to our songs..."
"Yeah so?" Another piece of paper got crumbled up and tossed in the vicinity of the waste basket.
"WHY IS IT TAKING YOU SO GODDAMNED LONG TO WRITE A FUCKING LETTER??"
[9:40 am, December 18th, 1999]
"Finally!" Toshiya exclaimed, dropping his sandwich in his hurry to get to the desk Kyo has been working on. "Let me see!"
"Are you crazy?? NO!!" Kyo all but screamed, and stuffed the neatly folded letter in his breast pocket.
"Fine! Be that way!" Toshiya huffed, pouting all the while.
"I will!" Kyo retorted, sticking out his tongue.
Loud, impatient knocking on the door of their room kept the two from entering into a full on face-making war.
"Kyo! Toshiya! Get your asses out here THIS MINUTE!" The voice belonged to Kaoru.
Seeing how nervous Kyo was, Toshiya went to open the door for their leader.
"Ohayou, Kaoru! What are you doing here so early?" Toshiya ask good-naturedly.
"Early?? You two are late! We've been waiting in the van for a full 10 minutes!"
[10:00 am, December 18th, 1999]
The van arrived at the Osaka Jo Hall, and one by one, the members of Dir en grey filed out of the van.
"Kyo," Toshiya whispered, "when are you gonna give it to him?"
"Gawd! Toshiya! I can handle this!.. you're making me more nervous every time you ask!"
"Okay okay, sorry... just wanna make sure you're not gonna chicken out."
[11:00 am, December 18th, 1999]
As the rest of the members were trying to get settled down, Shinya -- being the neat one, was already settled-- was waiting for a chance to talk to Kaoru, the only other person all settled and conferring with members of the tour crew.
Finally, the crew member walked away, and Shinya quickly followed the pink haired guitarist. "Kaoru, I need to talk to you."
"Eh? Sure... What about?"
"Make sure you tell him, okay?"
"Erm... Tell who what.. ^^;;?"
"Kyo that you love him..."
"Shinya!" Kaoru gasped. "Wh- what.... how did you... Am I that obvious??" Kaoru finally decided that was the question to ask.
[5:00 pm, December 18th, 1999]
"Wow, I could already hear the fans outside!" Kyo bounced around in the dressing room excitedly.
//Kawaii~!// the rest of Dir en grey thought simultaneously, but knew better than to give voice to that thought.
"Kyo, come here!" Toshiya called when he finished adding the final touches to his makeup.
"Nani?" Kyo bounded to a halt in front of the bassist.
"Are you really that nervous?" the blue haried man whispered into Kyo's ear while fixing the vocalist's make up.
"Am I that obvious?" Kyo groaned, keeping his voice low as well.
"Get ready to be on stage in 10!"
"Hai!" came the simultaneous reply of the five members of Dir en grey.
Kaoru watched dejectedly as Toshiya pulled Kyo aside for another whispering session.
"Kaoru, daijoubu?" Die asked his friend in concern.
"Aa..." Kaoru replied absentmindedly, eyes never leaving the whispering pair.
Die followed Kaoru's gaze and found what his friend was distressed about.
"Kaoru, if you like Toshiya, make sure you tell him, okay?" Die said just as Shinya joined them.
//Die no baka...// Shinya thought, feeling the beginning of a headache building.
"Eh?" Kaoru suddenly looked fully at Die. "What?"
Die blinked, "I said that if you like Toshiya, you should tell--"
Kyo and Toshiya stopped their discussion when they heard Kaoru's incredulous voice, and looked just in time to see Kaoru gesturing wildly at an embarrassed looking Die.
"Wonder what happened?" Kyo said.
"Yeah...but anyways," Toshiya started again, brushing the other scene aside as something unimportant. "Make sure you put that letter somewhere where he is SURE to see it..."
"I don't think you need to tell me *that*! I'm sure I could've figured it out--"
"On in 5!"
"Come on! Let's get moving!" Kaoru called, picking up his leader-role, and made his way through the door, expecting the others to follow. And they did...all except for one.
Kyo lingered behind to find a good place to put his letter...
//Where, where, where, where, whe--// his scanning eyes finally stopped at the perfect spot. //THERE!//
to part 2
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