Title: Girls Don't Fight
Author: hikaru
Band: Dir en grey
Pairing: ShinyaxDie, DiexShinya
(But in this chapter, only KyoxShinya ^__^)
Comments: It's a bit of an angsty chapter and I'm writing this coz
I've finished reading my Literature text and I'm bored… ~_~;; and
still there's no net connection (damn!) I'll probably send this when
I get to my mom's office tomorrow…
This chapter tells about everything before Shinya became Shizuka
and.. well… answer your questions to why Kyo is not in his life
anymore.. And I'm messing with his age too…I think ppl will be able
to guess where the story will go from here, ne?
Oh, and this goes to all that has followed the chapters up till
now.. and also to my sis Izumi, coz she's been putting up with my
craziness over the weekend.. if she sounds a bit pissed.. that's most
probably my doing.. ^^;;;; so to my sis, no, there's no Die in here..
but it's for you anyways. ^_^
Enjoy everyone! C&C's anyone?

Part 5 [Flashback Episode]


" So, in the end… the boy gets the House Cup and everythings OK!"
Shinya summed up the story, wrapping his arms around the older man. "

Kyo nodded, letting himself being hugged before looking down at the
young boy.
" You should return home now, it's getting a bit late. Your father
would get mad again."

Shinya became quiet, withdrawing himself from Kyo. He sat still,
twiddling with his thumbs as he contemplated on how to speak his next

" Ne.. Kyo…"

" What's wrong?" Kyo looked worried. He edged closer to the boy,
holding Shinya's face in his hands. " Shinya, whats wrong?"

Shinya sighed and shook his head. He leaned forwards, closing the
few gaps between them, kissing the older man fully on the lips. Kyo
didn't protest, letting the young boy push him back against the
sofa's arms, Shinya's own arms reaching around his back to hold their
bodies firmly against each other. Kyo let the kiss deepened, one hand
pushing Shinya's face closer to his, their noses bumping into each
other accidentally. They broke contact when Kyo let out a chuckle but
when Kyo leaned forwards to capture Shinya's lips again, he found
that the younger boy had started to unbutton his shirt.

" Shinya.. what are you doing?" Kyo asked gently, pushing the hands
on his shirt away.

" Kyo," Shinya sighed again and pressed his face against the well-
muscled torso, just barely hidden by the white shirt. " Why won't you
make love to me the way all those other men have? You're paying for
my company.. why aren't you letting me give you full pleasure to your

Shinya looked up, his eyes innocently questioning. When Kyo only
regarded him with silence, the boy kissed Kyo's nose briefly, urging
the older man for an answer.

" Shinya," Kyo pressed the boy against his chest again, making
Shinya gasp in surprise, " It's not that I don't want you.. But I'm
not those other men and for another thing, I'm old enough to be your

" That's never stopped anyone else from fucking me."

" Like I've said, Shinya, I'm not `everyone else'." Kyo kissed the
auburn head. " And anyways, I don't want to push you into doing
something you don't want to."

" But Kyo, this is the first time I *want* another man to take
control of me." Shinya blushed a deep red after realizing his spoken
words. " I-I mean.. it won't mean that you'll be the same as those
other people whom I've slept with. It'll be different with you
because.. well.. well… I *like* you, Kyo. And you won't be pushing me
into doing anything."

" But Shinya—"

" Kyo!" Shinya cut off the rest of the older man's words with
lingering kiss, licking the wet lips afterwards. " I know you want to
protect me or whatever but can you honestly say that you don't want
me either?"

" I never said I didn't want you." Kyo breathed, trying to remember
how to as he did so. Shinya's legs were massaging his member, making
him become more aroused by the second. " But Shinya.."

Another kiss, this time on his neck, earning a long moan from the
smaller man. Shinya's hands quickly pushed off the shirt he had
successfully unbuttoned. He trailed his lips down the smooth skin
towards the exposed chest but the hands that had clutched his hair
now yanked him away painfully.

" Kyo!" He cried out, gasping out the name again when he felt
another weight on his body. " Kyo?"

It was Kyo's turn to shower him with kisses. The man's hands worked
with even more skill, touching just the right areas of the young
boy's body, earning him delighted groans. Shinya pulled their bodies
closer, his legs parting to make way for the welcoming contact on his
throbbing organ, letting Kyo rub against him with sensual movements
making him cry out in ecstasy. He felt the man pause and dared to
open his eyes to meet Kyo's own.

" Don't tell me you'll be stopping there?" Shinya's question was
more than just a bit breathy. " Don't leave me in agony… give me

" Shinya..," Kyo leaned forwards, too tempted by the offered flesh
of Shinya's neck, grazing his teeth across the area as his hips
continued to give pleasure to Shinya's lower regions. " Is this
really right?"

" Oooh….," Shinya forced himself to lower his body so that he could
face Kyo again, his face flushed with the desire that had been held
back for far too long, " How could it be wrong, Kyo?"

He pushed his face against Kyo's, the brutality of the kiss making
his lips bruised but for that moment, nothing mattered. Their tongues
lovingly caressed, wrestled, played with each other before letting
go, both needing more air than they had ever thought.

Kyo nodded, the hands on Shinya's back moving to remove the
clothing over Shinya's head. The boy willingly raised his arms so
that the shirt could be pushed off and sighed happily when he felt a
cool breeze upon his chest. Kyo's hands then traveled lower towards
his jeans, resting above the zipper hesitantly.

" There's no turning back after this." Kyo said, still sounding

Shinya, a bit agitated, grabbed hold of tuffs of Kyo's blond hair,
pulling their faces close again,
" Darling, I don't *want* to turn back."

The kiss that followed erased all doubts from both minds as Kyo
pulled down the zipper, pushing Shinya's remaining clothes off.


The boy smiled especially wider than usual as he walked out of the
school's halls. He felt so *good*! Really, where someone came with
the word `sex' he couldn't figure out.. Wasn't there a more romantic
term to the act of making love? He shrugged the thought away as he
recalled back every minute, every second, every moment of the most
satisfying and loving night he'd ever had. The pain that went along
with it seemed to satisfy him even more.. He kept on smiling, wishing
that Kyo's hands were making their magic on him at the moment.

Ah well… there was still the night to come.

If it was possible, his smile absolutely grew wider as he walked
out of the gates, whistling a tune.

His keitai rang at the moment he left the school grounds and he
hurriedly opened it, only to be a bit disappointed and curious when
the number that appeared on the screen wasn't Kyo's. He didn't
recognize it.

" Moshi moshi?"

" Uh… is this… Kaname?" A strangely familiar voice spoke back to

Shinya furrowed his eyebrows, adjusting his bag so that he held the
phone properly. `Kaname' was the name he had used when working at the
bar. This man must be a customer… but what was he doing with his
phone number?

" Yes? Who is this?" Shinya prompted, more than a little curious

" Well.. I.. well, I don't think you'll remember me but..," There
was a pause, " Well, Kaname, how are you?"

" I'm fine." He felt a bit wary of the man.

" Oh? Are you still.. uh.. working there?"

" No. I quit."

" Oh? Well.. that's.. that's good…"

There was another pause.

Shinya decided he didn't like to beat around the bush, it was
highly annoying.
" Sir, would you mind telling me why you're calling? I've got other
errands to attend to."

" Oh.. oh.. yes, I'm sorry but..," Another nerve-wrecking pause, "
Are you feeling well lately, Kaname?"

" Why are you asking me this, sir?" Shinya asked through gritted

" Well.. well.. uh, you see.. I thought I should tell you this..
since we… uh.. slept together and all and. .well.. given the
circumstances.. I thought that I should tell you that.. uh…," the man
was stuttering, his voice shaky over the phone, " I was checked with
HIV positive."

Shinya almost dropped the phone. His hearing could've went dead
with the sudden news brought down upon him.

" Kaname? Kaname?" The man seemed frantic now. " I'm sorry.. Oh
God, I'm really really sorry… but it's only right that I tell you..
You should probably check yourself… "

Shinya clicked on the `off' button, his hands shaking. He went to
the nearest trashcan and dropped his handphone into it. There was
always others he could buy. He needed to get rid of the instrument
before that man called again.

This couldn't be happening.

This. Couldn't. Be. Happening.

He ran a hand through his hair as he sat down at the closest bench,
trying to gather his thoughts. What was it that he was supposed to do
now? He couldn't run a check-up for AIDS when he was still underaged.
His parents would be called if he so much as entered a hospital or
clinic. But it would be the wise thing to do… right? Right…?

Shinya's eyes shifted towards the sky.
` Kami-sama… I was so happy just a few moment ago…'


" Kyo." Shinya hugged the man as soon as the door was opened. "
God, I wished so much to see you today…"

The older man chuckled.
" What? Last night wasn't enough for you?"

Shinya bit his lip, not knowing what to say. He forced himself to
laugh, thanking the heavens that it sounded realistic enough. He let
himself be lead into the living room, smiling a small smile at Kyo's
adoring look.

" Nani kure?" Shinya enquired.

" I can't believe I slept with a 15 year old boy." Kyo chuckled to

" Hey," Shinya said, looking defensive, " I'm much more matured
than my age!"

Kyo chuckled again, a hand resting on Shinya's cheek. He smiled at
the young face before him and nodded.

" I know. You're much more older in your thoughts.. maybe more than
me." Kyo smiled some more, leaning in to press a kiss on Shinya's
forehead. " You're not hurt from last night, are you? Still sore?"

Shinya nodded.
" A bit. But it'll pass, I've learned from experience."

" I bet you have." Kyo sighed and pulled the young schoolboy close
to him. " I wished I could've rescued you from that place sooner."

" You rescued me, right? That's enough." Shinya smiled against the
body. " As long as you're here now, I don't care if I had to wait
longer.. as long as I get to meet you."

" So, how did your parents take your absence last night?" Kyo asked
softly. " Were they hard on you? I'm so sorry if…"

" Don't worry, Kyo. I'm used to my father's yellings by now. And
anyways, they need to figure out that I've grown up now." Shinya
said, looking rebellious. " I've a mind to stay over again tonight."

Kyo opened his mouth to protest but stopped himself and laughed.
" Are you telling me that you really didn't get enough last night?
You young people are so jumpy!"

Shinya joined his laughter.
" Don't tell me you're tired out from just *that*? You must really
be old Kyo…"

" I have a mind to change that thought of yours, Shinya," Kyo's
voice turned low, a seductive growl that made shivers run up
delightfully along Shinya's spine. " Maybe now…?"

" Why not?" Shinya let their mouths meld together as Kyo jumped
onto his awaiting body.

` There's nothing wrong with me…' Shinya thought as Kyo's hands
reached underneath his shirt to tickle his sides slightly before
teasing his hardened nipples. ` I'm so.. in shape… There's no way I
could be sick… no way… `

He moaned as Kyo's teeth sank into the flesh of the crook of his

` There's just no way…'

The rest of his thoughts were clouded as the two continued whatever
they had left out the night before.


Several weeks passed before Kyo's health took a turn for the worst.
Shinya became worried as the days turned into horrible tortures for
the older man to go through. It seemed as if though he had caught a
simple cold but then the cold had evolved into something more. He had
tried to get the stubborn blond to a clinic but Kyo refused and said
that he was just fine.

Shinya's mind was starting to become frantic.

` Is it because of me?' He held Kyo helplessly close to him, trying
to warm the cold body.

" Shinya.. you're so warm…," Kyo breathed against his naked
skin, " I'm so sorry I can't.."

" It's fine." Shinya stopped him. Then, trying to make a joke, " I
don't want to force you into anything you can't, old man."

Kyo chuckled weakly before gasping then breaking into a fit of
coughs. Shinya steadied the smaller man and felt even more worried.

` Like it or not.. I've got to go get myself checked out.' Shinya
thought, ` I need to know if I'm causing this misery to his beloved.

" Why the long face Shinya?" Kyo's voice cut through his
thoughts. " Am I boring you?"

" No." Shinya held him close. " No, of course not. I was just
thinking how much I'm in love with you."

" You're young." Kyo laughed, " Do you understand what love is?"

Shinya hugged him closer.
" Baka Kyo. Of course I do."

` And it's because I love you I've got to do this…' Shinya became
determined. ` Even if it does mean telling my parents the whole truth
to my night `tutorials'…'


Here was his parents. Sitting in the same room as he was. Stupid
place, why did it have to be so white? Where were all the pictures of
flowers and teddy bears and rainbows hospitals were supposed to be
supplied with?

He had had to tell the truth to his parents when they had come upon
the hospitals command. The whole damned truth. His fathers cursings
and yells still echoed through his minds, his mother's tears… still
streaked across her delicate face. They had both stopped talking to
him after they were done with their own reactions, his mother sitting
next to him, holding his hand as if for support. His father was
across the room, brow furrowed in deep concentration.

` Probably on how to punish me best.' Shinya thought humourlessly.

A nurse came out and nodded for them to enter the doctor's room.
Shinya's mother helped him up, leaning more towards him for support.
His father walked alone, waiting until the two entered first before
stepping into the quiet office.

The grim look the doctor had on her face told all.

" I'm sorry.. but.. we checked your blood sample over and over
again and…"

` My God I did it… `

" ..you're HIV positive." The doctor lowered her eyes. " I'm very
sorry. But now there are precautions I will have to tell you about so
that you'll be able to face a new life before you."

` I did it…' Shinya thought numbly.

` I'm the one who's killing Kyo…'

" Doctor," his mother interrupted, " Tell me, how long.. how much
time does he have?"

The doctor sighed.
" We're not sure. Your son has been a carrier of this virus for
some time now and yet he's unaffected by it. Chances are, he might
live until his hair turns white.. but there are also chances that he
would die the following months."

Why was he sitting here with them? He shouldn't be here! He should
be with Kyo!

" Excuse me…," he mumbled, standing up and pushing his chair back.

Shinya made a run for the door and was stopped for a moment only
because he heard his father calling out to him angrily.


As if he'd ever listened to his father anyways.

He made a dash for the nearest exit.


Kyo smelled of death.

Even he could feel it, sense it. The man he loved was dying, and in
such an awful state too. How could he have brought such torture for
the person he loved so much?

" Kyo?" Shinya neared his bed.

The blond opened an eye and smiled at his visitor.
" Is it night already? The days seem to pass by without my knowing

Shinya blinked back his tears as he sat kneeling in front of the
sick man. He held Kyo's hands in his. He wondered what the man would
say if he knew that his sickness, his coming death, was because of

" Kyo.. I.., there's something I should tell you." Shinya started.

" Wait a second, Shinya," Kyo stopped him from continuing, " Could
you pull back the curtains a bit? It's bit so long since I saw the

Shinya obediently pulled back the curtains, opening the window the
slightest bit so that the cool breeze of the night entered the room.
He sat back by Kyo's side, still holding his hand, opening his mouth
to start over again when Kyo spoke first.

" It's so beautiful… just look at the stars tonight." Kyo
whispered, his voice hoarse.

Shinya nodded. Not really paying attention to the dark stretch of
sky dotted by shining stars. What he was paying attention to was Kyo
and the older man didn't seem to want to hear him out. Did he already
know? Of course he did.. but that didn't mean he would speak about

" Come and lie down here with me, Shinya. I don't think you've got
a nice view from where you're sitting." Kyo patted at the empty spot
next to him, smiling tiredly.

Shinya paused.
" But Kyo—"

" Oh Shinya," Kyo's eyes became tinged with sadness, " I must be so
ugly to you now. Do I really look that hideous? To make you shudder
at the thought of being close to me?"

" Nonsense!" Shinya cried out, his lips pressing gently against
Kyo's before climbing into the empty bedspace. " You're gorgeous,
just as you are now.. and you'll always be that way. How could you
think that I would even shudder at you? Kyo, I love you!"

" I know." Kyo nodded, letting himself be kissed again. He didn't
have the energy to respond but his smile told his feelings anyways. "
I love you too. Now, let's just enjoy the night together.. alright?"

Shinya nodded, holding the man close to him.
" I'm so sorry Kyo.. this is all because of.."

" Hush, don't say anything, you'll spoil the mood." Kyo grinned a
bit, one hand resting heavily on Shinya's form. " Let's just be with
each other? We'll make love without touches… without words… Just the
two of us, together.. Being together.. Loving each other with our
hearts. That's still making love, right?"

Shinya let a tear slide down one cheek, brushing it away quickly.
" Right."


The morning came and he knew without opening his eyes, knew even
before he felt Kyo's lifeless body, knew even before he was awake to
the world that his beloved was no longer with him. He cried as he
held onto the body that had once loved him so much, that had cared
for him more than anyone else ever could.

After attending Kyo's funeral, Shinya had fled to Tokyo. There was
no way he could lead his life back where he had stayed. There was no
way he could've let himself be loved and love in return again. It was

*He* was dangerous.

Dressing up as a cold girl, he thought that he would surely be
alone, surely be an outcast in the midst of all those students. But
Mei had approached him and her liveliness attracted him too much.
Loneliness was the most hardest enemy to fight. And then Die came..
and he had totally been blown away. He'd done the one thing he'd
sworn he'd never do again: to fall in love.

But Die had approached him in the surprising manner Kyo had and he
had showered him with a little praises along their relationship,
treating him with the subtle kindness Kyo had once offered him.

And so he had fallen.

He was about to repeat history again should he let himself dwell on
his feelings any longer.

But now… as he kissed the red head, feeling those warm lips
covering his so gently then so brutally, then touching his lips again
with amazing care… He couldn't let this moment go to waste. He could
love this person… He knew he could. But Die thought him as a girl.
And if he found out that he was boy, there was no doubt that he would
be scorned and pushed away.

Die licked at his bottom lip, prompting him to let a warm tongue
enter his mouth again.

Shinya moaned in bliss at the touch.

` Let him find out I'm a boy and not Shizuka. Then he won't die..
he'll be able to live happily,' Shinya thought as he tugged at a long
strand of red hair, ` But for now.. I just want to go on kissing

They parted, Die's hands resting on Shinya's waist for a moment
before raising them to cup his face, bringing the two towards another

` So right…'

Warmth flooding through him.

` ..yet so wrong..'

End of Part 5

Notes: ah.. well… sappy stuff, a bit of angst.. but.. well.. 3 more
parts to go! ^__^ Anyone enjoyed this? ^^;;;;