Title: Girls Don't Fight
Band: Dir en grey
Pairing: ShinyaxDie, DiexShinya
Comments: I wanna get this up as soon as possible.. get it done
before this one week vacation ends… can you believe that that's all
the time I've got for my midterm holiday??? ><;;
Anyways… I wonder if this worked out the way I wanted it to… Coz
I've got another idea for a fic in my head… (~_~;;; the agony) but I
should finish this first.. And all my other unfinished fics… Enjoy!!
~~ and comments are really appreciated… thanks to all that has
supported this so far!
It was hard to describe what was darkness now… or what it was that
meant to be happy. He had Die's love and he was happy, yet his heart
was dark because he knew that the love wasn't for himself but for the
girl named Shizuka. It was an illusioned love that would disappear
all too quickly should the truth be let out. Another side of his
darkness lay with the fact that he had truly fallen for Die and in
some sad, pathetic way… he was actually happy to have—to feel that
sort of love before he died.
Shinya stared back at his reflection, something he had been doing
for the past half hour, trying to contemplate on the best way to tell
Die the truth. There was no hiding from it now. If he was to ever
touch… feel… or taste Die again, it would be with the truth known to
the both of them.
It felt a bit sick afterwards, having kissing Die. Not because of
the experience, but because of the feeling that he'd taken advantage
of a situation somehow… some…
" Shizuka!! Open this door! Open this door right now!!"
He turned at the sudden interuption, he could almost feel the
intensity of the knocks on his door. Or rather, bangings. Standing up
quickly, he made his way towards the door, wondering what Mei wanted
to say to him at this late hour of the night.
When he opened the door, he was met face to face with a reddened
Mei, the heaviness under her eyes as a tell-tale sign of anguished
crying. He thought that she would've gone on lamenting her miseries
on him but instead of that, he got something quite unexpected.
" Who the hell are you?!"
And that was when he noticed it.
He had taken off his make-up… along with his shirt, standing in the
doorway, looking down at the confused girl bare chested with only
slacks as his piece of clothing.
The girl was confused. Very. Actually, confused would be a light
term to use. Maybe bewildred.
Who was this handsome yet tragic looking person? Shizuka's lover? A
perfect match they would've been.. the same blond hair, cold
appearance, same face structure…
Mei's eyes widened.
" You can't be… no.. you-you… can't be…"
The stranger gave her a long look than let out a long sigh.
" I suppose it's time I told you my secret." He spoke in a swift
manner, so uncaring, his voice deep before he spoke again in a
lighter tone. A tone that resembled Shizuka's exactly. " Meet
your `true' best friend."
There was a feeling that the perfect vision of everything
crumbling. Then, when a more clear vision replaces itself.. it was
shattered again. This time, the broken pieces were more impossible to
Mei stared dumbfounded at her supposed-friend. This handsome young
man was the aloof beauty who was once her best friend? This young
He stepped aside, allowing her to enter. She did so obediently,
all her previous rage gone for the moment. All that was in her mind
was a need for an explanation. An explanation to this sudden burst of
new questions that were clouding, frustrating her mind to an extent
that it could drive her absolutely mad.
" Shizuka?" She managed to squeak out.
The room in front of her was the familiar room she had spent
countless days in. But the stranger with her.. .could he be the
person she had shared those moments with? It was outrageous… how
could such a thing ever happen? He maintained eye contact with her
even as he sat in front of the mirror, his back turned towards it.
" Shinya." He spoke again, the deep voice startling her. " There's
no use to be calling me `Shizuka' anymore.. I've decided to stop my
role as that girl. You might as well stop seeing me as her. My name
is Terachi Shinya."
" Terachi Shinya…," Mei repeated, her confused mind suddenly being
boiled by anger, " Terachi Shinya, is it? Who the hell are you?
You're Shizuka?! Impossible! You can't be Shizuka! Why would someone
even *want* to go parading around as this beautiful girl one second
then turn back into a guy the next? It's ridiculous! Proposterous!
" Fine. You can think that I'm lying then, Mei." Shinya said
coolly, calmly. " But if you don't believe that I'm Shizuka, or
rather *was* Shizuka, then I might as well tell you now that this
evening at that alley.. that's the last time you'll ever see her
" You'll never see me either." Shinya shrugged then, " But since
I'm only a stranger and not your once-best-friend Shizuka, it
shouldn't matter to you, should it?"
Mei looked up disbelievingly into Shinya's impassive eyes, those
cold brown orbs that she had stared at so many times before. There
was no mistaking it, this boy here was her friend… or someone she had
thought was her friend. It seemed that there were more lies involved
than she had thought.
" You're a guy, Shizu—Shinya?" Mei's voice matched her face,
frantic. " Out of all the lies you could've told me… why this?? God!
Is this life all a game to you? Am I only here for the pleasure of
your entertainment? Is that what Die is to you?!"
Upon Die's name, her voice rose to an alarming level. Shinya's eyes
flickered with the slightest hint of hurt.
" I'd never thought of either Die or you, Mei-chan.. in that way."
Shinya lowered his eyes to stare at his clutched fingers. He was more
nervous than he looked. " I love the both of you truly, very.. very..
Mei's eyes widened. There was stillness in the room as she pieced
the pieces of the puzzle together. Shinya's head was still bent low
so she wasn't able to make out what he was thinking, but… she could
" Shizu—Shinya.. you love me?" Mei's voice cracked a little.
Shinya's head snapped to attention at her words. He looked a bit
" You love m-me..Shinya?" Mei gulped, feeling a bit disoriented. "
That's why.. you and Die… but.. why..? To drive me away.. you were
afraid that I wouldn't love you if I found out if you were actually a
Mei gave out a sigh.
" Oh Shinya.. Shizuka… I've always loved you.. even as a best
friend.. I've always.. loved you. As my sister.. and now.. probably
because of this chance thrown upon us.. something more."
Shinya was more than just a bit shocked. That hadn't been what he
had meant! Mei was taking it totally in the wrong way! That hope in
her eyes… oh God.. why did he always have to deminish that hope?!
" Mei-chan.. listen, you've mistaken—"
People seem to have a way of catching him by surprise. Especially
now. Mei's lips were pressed against his, cutting off his
For a moment, he sat frozen, her warm skin pressed softly against
his, her closed eyes in his view. She didn't seem to notice that he
wasn't responding, instead, she seemed to think otherwise. Her lips
pressed harder against his, her hands holding onto his bare shoulders
to steady herself.
Shinya blinked once at the additional touch on his skin, the heat
that were passing from her fingertips to his system awakened
everything inside. His limbs functioned once more, raising his own
hand to push Mei's hand and face away. He didn't bother to look into
the enquiring face peering down at him.
" Shizu- Shinya…?" A carefully spoken name.
" Mei-chan, you've jumped to the wrong conclusion." Shinya
sighed. " Your first guess today was correct… I do love Die. Your
second guess was wrong. I don't love you.. as more than just a
friend. If I could've had a sister I would've asked for you."
Mei looked unsure of what she was hearing. Her eyes were a bit
glazed, her body rigid, hands on either side of her. She clenched and
unclenched her fists, trying to find words that would justify her
feelings at the moment.
" Y-y-you…," Mei's voice shook, " You don't love me? You… love Die?"
Shinya looked up at her again, trying to look impassive still,
" That would be correct."
" So.. the story I heard about someone seeing you two make out at
the alley.. that was true?" Her voice quivered, her eyes boring into
Shinya looked surprised. Someone saw?
" Haii, it's true."
Silence. A gush of wind blew around them, chilling Shinya's frail
body. He shivered at the sudden touch of ice but Mei seemed
unaffected. Then, her whole body trembled as her lips quirked up into
a shaky, haunting smile.
" You… you're….," Mei shook her head, still smiling
unbelievingly, " You're gay?"
" Yes." Shinya answered promptly, his voice still not wavering.
A sharp sting across his face. Mei had slapped his soundly, leaving
a red mark on his cheek as she clenched her teeth, glaring at him
forcefully. He looked up at her again, eyes turning sympathetic all
" You freak!" Mei shrieked, backing away from Shinya, as if though
afraid of the lost looking boy. " How dare you decieve me like this?!
How dare you?!"
Turning around, she slammed the door close as she ran out the room.
Shinya was only left with a sharp last look at her back profile,
running away from him.
Tears were starting to gather in his own eyes. His hand reached for
` She's right… I am a freak.. I should've never gotten close with
He felt wetness against his eyes, flowing to meet his cheeks. Sobs
came choked from his lips. Shinya shook his head, he didn't want to
cry.. it was of no use, he had brought all this onto himself by just
*feeling* anything at all. He lowered his head, trying to hide his
face from the world as the tears continued to rush out freely from
" Die-kun!! Die-kun!!" Mei's familiar voice shouted through his
door, " Die-kun! Open the door! Die-kun! I need to speak to you!"
Die sighed heavily, he was just starting to daydream about the
beautiful Shizuka in his arms, their kiss just a loving memory in his
mind. He grudgingly got out of bed to answer the door that looked as
if though it would break at any moment. A sudden thought came to his
` Did she see us kissing?'
He opened the door and had to steady himself by holding onto the
doorframe when a burden of limbs were thrown onto him. Mei was
clutching onto him, looking more than just a little distraught,
almost crazy by the look in her eyes.
" Die-kun! Shinya! He's—I mean she.. not he!" Mei tried to jump out
of Die's grip, wanting to show him back to Shinya's house but the
strong arms held her in place. " Die-kun! You've got to believe me… I
just saw… Shizu—no! Shinya! He's been fooling us! He's been making a
fool of us, Die-kun! He's been fooling everyone!"
Die placed comforting hands on the girl, trying to calm her with
soothing words. It seemed to work as she stopped jumping around
frantically, waving her arms about and she wasn't screaming anymore.
He patted her back, pushing her inside before closing his door. He
thanked the stars above that none of his neighbors looked out to see
what the commotion was about.
Mei sat herself on his sofa, wrapping her arms around herself, her
eyes on the floor as she rocked her body back and forth. Die looked
at her, feeling a bit sorry. He quietly came up to her, taking a seat
for himself before holding her trembling hands in his.
` Did I cause her to be like this?' Die thought to himself, feeling
" Mei-chan? Mei-chan? What's wrong?" Die asked softly. " Are you
mad? Are you mad at me?"
She looked up from her rocking abruptly, throwing her arms around
the tall red head, hugging him close to her.
" Die-kun! I could never be mad at you!" Mei said, still holding
onto him, " It's Shinya I'm mad at!"
" Who's Shinya?" Die became curious. " What did he do to you?"
" Oh Die-kun… it's not just me.. I'm also mad at what he did to
you." Mei sobbed onto Die's shoulder, " I can't believe I let myself
be tricked by him. I can't believe I didn't realize it.. it all makes
perfect sense now! Why he won't dress in front of me.. why he's so
secretive.. why he hates people being near him so much… it just makes
so much sense!"
" Mei-chan, I don't understand." Die sounded confused. " Who's
Shinya? When did he come into your life? Is he a student in our
school? What do you mean you're mad at what he did to me too? I don't
even know him!"
" You do! Die-kun, he's been in front of us all along!" Mei hugged
Die closer. " You were just kissing him this evening!"
Die's eyes widened at her words as he pushed her away. He looked
into the tear-filled eyes and saw nothing but truth. She didn't look
like she was lying.
" Mei-chan? I was with Shizuka this evening…," Die cleared his
throat, " I didn't kiss anyone named Shinya.."
" Die-kun! Don't you get it? Shizuka is Shinya!" Mei exclaimed. "
She's not a girl! Shizuka is a boy!"
Die blinked. He didn't seem to be hearing this correctly.
" Mei-chan? What're you saying? I don't understand…"
Mei's eyes looked frantic again.
" Don't say you don't believe me, Die-kun! Please don't say you
don't believe me! I saw Shinya myself.. just now, in fact! He told me
everything! He said that he doesn't want to act as Shizuka anymore!
He doesn't want to dress up as a girl anymore!"
She tugged at his hands, still looking desperate.
" He's been playing with you! He says he loves you but he doesn't!
It's just a game to him! Your feelings.. my feelings! It means
nothing to him! He's just.. he's just… he's just a whore! A
trecherous, caniving, backstabbing whore!"
Die shook his head, unbelieving to what he was hearing.
" Mei-chan.. you've got to be mistaken.. there's no way…"
Mei looked almost defeated at his words.
" You don't believe me…"
" Mei-chan, what you're saying is sorta *impossible* to believe…,"
Die tried to reason with her, " It's got to be a mistake."
Mei shook her head vigorously.
" I'm not mistaken! I'm sure! I know it's true! I'm so sorry that
you fell in love with a boy in disguise, Die-kun but I can't let you
be fooled anymore! Shizuka is Shinya! There was never a Shizuka! You
can go see for yourself if you don't believe me!"
Saying so, she stood up from the sofa and searched the apartment
for paper and pen. Die kept still on the sofa, trying to digest the
sudden revelation brought onto him. He was still a bit raw and
` There's no way.. Shizuka.. you wouldn't lie to me.. Shizuka…' Die
shook his head, trying to believe his own thoughts.
Mei appeared again in front of him, scribbling down an address onto
the paper she had found. She thrusted it into Die's hands.
" It's the only way you'll believe me. I'm not lying. It's not just
because I hate the fact that you love my so-called best friend, but
it's because I don't want you to continue loving someone who's not
the person you thought she was." Mei walked towards the door, her
head bowed. She was still trembling. " I can't see Shinya again..
it's just.. it's just too unbearable. I can't take seeing the person
who'd lied to me for so long. But you… you need to know."
She closed the door quietly as she left the apartment, leaving Die
staring at the scribbled address blankly.
Shinya looked at his drawn windows, watching how the sunlight
seeped through the curtains, alighting the room just barely. He was
tired from the crying, possibly because he rarely ever cried. The
last time he did…
He shook his head and turned over in his bed, snuggling into his
` It's only a matter of time before Die sees me for who I really
am.' Shinya thought miserably, ` And then I'll lose him too.. I'm
just not made to ever have anyone's love. It's a curse.'
A childish thought, but he was feeling childish at the moment. He
was about to lose the last happiness of his life and he was about to
lose his life as well. It was just a matter of waiting now..
everything was certain. He'd meet his end… alone.
Turning so that he was facing the ceiling, Shinya looked up at the
` Kyo.. would you greet me on the other side?'
` That must be Die.' Shinya thought to himself, not making a move
to get up.
` I don't want him to see me like this.' Shinya removed the blanket
soundly hugging him, heavily dropping both his feet onto the carpeted
floor. ` Why does our last meeting have to happen when I'm in such a
One more knock on the door before Shinya reached it, turning the
knob, opening the barrier that has closed Die from him just moments,
The red head head stared with blank eyes at the lean figure in
front of him. Shinya stared back at him with the same blankness. They
continued to stare at each other for a whole minute before Die could
find it in him to actually breathe.
" Shizuka?" He choked out.
Shinya nodded but halfway through he shook his head.
" I'm Terachi Shinya."
" Shinya." Die nodded. " You're the imposter Mei-chan was telling
` At least that clears up a lot of things.' Shinya thought sadly. `
He knows who I am now. Even if he does refers to me as an imposter..
at least I know that he won't love me anymore. That would make it
easier for me to let him go.'
" Would you like to come in?" Shinya gestured towards the indoors.
" No." Die shook his head. " I just wanted to see for myself… if
what Mei-chan had said was true."
" It is." Shinya closed his eyes, he didn't want to have Die
looking at him in such a manner. " I'm so sorry.. I didn't know
that.. this.. everything would happen."
" How would you know it would happen?!" Die suddenly burst out,
surprising Shinya with the harshness of his voice. " How could
someone like you ever know that someone could actually fall in love
with the image you put out? How could you have even guessed what
Shinya took a step back.
" I'm.. I'm sorry.. Die.."
" How could you be sorry? Why are you sorry?!" Die yelled at him. "
You've got nothing to be sorry about at all! I was only part of your
charade, wasn't I? Kissing me, it was all part of the act.. so that
everything would seem more believable! How could you be sorry? If you
were sorry.. you wouldn't even be existing now!"
Tears stung his eyes at the words that pierced everything in him.
Shinya looked at the red head, deeply wounded but tried to hide his
despair, his disappointment.
Afterall, he was supposed to make the boy hate him, wasn't he? And
he was succeeding..
" That's true." Narrowing his eyes, Shinya tried to appear cold. "
I just wanted to have some fun, it was all a game.. there was no real
feelings between us."
Die looked surprised at his words and his rage left his face for a
moment. It came back though, just as quickly.
" You admit it then."
" Of course I do. You know it, why should I hide it?" Shinya met
his eye levelly, his voice calm. " I didn't know you would fall for
me.. or `Shizuka' anyways.. but it was perfect for making my role
even more real. The play became life. I should thank you for it.
" I suppose I don't have to explain to you why I left my last
school. Problems I created and all." Shinya shrugged. " I thought
that this school would be great for creating new ones.. And now that
all the fun is over, I should be going. No use hanging around."
" This was truly…. All for your pleasure?" Die didn't look like he
believed. " For your own fun?"
" I didn't intend it to be, but everyone here made it so easy to be
someone else. They're all so gullible!" Shinya forced himself to
laugh, " Even you. I just went along with everything.. like I said,
it was fun."
Shinya looked guilty at the mention of the name.
" I didn't mean to hurt her. It was never my intention to hurt
her." Or anyone…, Shinya finished the thought. " You should go to
her. You two would be great for each other. She needs comfort now,
" I won't go to her because of pity." Die spat out. " I can't
believe this is actually the person behind the mask. You're actually
just a heartless bastard."
Shinya shrugged again.
" Don't worry. You won't be seeing this heartless bastard anymore.
I'm quitting school."
" That's good." Die sneered down at him, " If you didn't and
continued with your role, I'd definitely take the liberty to tell
Hiro some things about you.."
Shinya's eyes flashed a bit with fear then continued to appear
" Hiro is of no concern to me."
" I'm sure he isn't."
Shinya thought Die would say more but his actions shocked him. Die
clutched at the back of his hair, pulling their faces close together.
Shinya yelled out from the sudden pain that shot up from his neck
then yelled out again when he was slammed against the frame of his
door. Die's body pressed against him menacingly, the eyes glaring
down at him with unhidden hatred.
" You got me to kiss you. Filthy whore." Die yanked at the hair,
making Shinya thrust an arm out, intending to hit him. Die caught his
fist though, pushing the hand back, still glaring.
Shinya managed to laugh a bit, despite the situation.
" Believe it or not, Die, I was a whore before I came here…, Funny
picture, ain't it? You kissing a former whore saying that you loved
me with all your heart."
Instead of the bitten response he expected, his lips were crushed
by Die's, the kiss anything but gentle. Shinya gasped and pushed Die
away roughly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand; he tasted
blood but chose to ignore it.
" I've kissed you twice before, that's three times now to end
everything. I loved Shizuka, I loved her more than you could ever
imagine, bastard. At least I got the better of you once, Terachi
Shinya's hand flew from his mouth when Die suddenly slammed a fist
into his stomach, making him crumble to the ground, willing himself
not to cry. His head was bowed down from the red head; he noticed
that he was staring down at Die's shoes. He gasped for air before
managing to lift his face to look up at Die; he knew he was asking
for trouble, but he didn't really care. He almost wanted Die to hate
him for all he was worth.
The sneer on Die's face reached his eyes.
" You look pathetic."
With that, he grabbed hold of Shinya's hair again, landing a hard
blow across his face, making the blond fall unconcsious onto the
End of Part 6
P/s- Please ignore all typo errors... i'm still getting used to the