Title: Drinkin', Dyin', Goin' Straight to Hell
Band: Dir en grey
Pairing: KaoruxTotchi, TotchixKaoru
Comments: This story is about heaven and hell, angels and devils,
and their involvement with the human world. Um.. if this is
considered a religious thing and you're not easy with different ideas
on stuff like that, better not read it. It definitely doesn't define
the heaven and hell I've been brought up with. Four parts, all
planned out and hopefully will be finished before my midterms start…
Well, as always, hope you enjoy the fic! ^__^
Part 1: Come To Me, All Ye Sinful Creatures
Alright, so she was finally asleep. He didn't want to look into her
eyes with lust anymore. He didn't lust after her actually, he was
just deprived and needed someone to fulfill his needs- quickly. She
did the job quite well, he heard she was a newcomer and for someone
new to the profession, she wasn't a disappointment. However, being a
newcomer, she still didn't know how to hide her true expressions, her
true feelings. They arose in her eyes whenever she gave even so much
of a glance at him.
Her arm was starting to become a burden on his stomach. Not that it
was heavy, it was just a burden. He pushed the limb off of his body
and got out of bed, unheething his own nudity and sitting cross-
legged at the chair facing the balcony. There was a bottle of
unopened wine on the table next to him and his carelessly thrown
pants were lying at a considerable range from him. His beloved pack
of cigarettes were in them and he desperately needed the smoke.
Uncorking the bottle of wine, fetching his cigarette pack, he
settled himself to sit facing the dark night's sky again, glass of
gold liquid in one hand, a cigarette in the other. He took a quick
gulp of his drink then a long drag on the stick, letting out a long
sigh of content afterwards. Now, all he needed was a needle up his
arm and he would be the most happiest man at the moment.
Welcome to the life of Toshimasa Hara, the beautiful, captivating,
desirable man who drowned out his misery with women, drugs, smoke,
and alcohol. Son of one of the most important businessman in Tokyo,
it was a wonder he ended up the way he did. But then, didn't most
neglected teenagers end up a mess?
Another release of oxygen, inhaling more of the poisonous yet
There was really nothing much to think about on nights like these.
Toshiya, as he was better known to the people he let close, was
merely looking out at the vast stretch of eternity in front of him,
wondering, for a split second, whether there was life after death.
He shook his head at the thought, placing the glass down and the
cigarette on the ash tray.
` Such unimportant things should be left alone. Live life in the
He caught his reflection in the hotel room's mirror, noticing his
disheveled hair, the way his cheeks were more sunken than before, the
way his eyes had a dark edge to them that made this particular girl
swoon in delight. His pale skin was ghostly sick, yet it didn't marr
the perfect being. Toshiya raised a hand to touch his face, watching
with little amusement when his image predictably did so, then
furrowed his eyebrows when he turned his wrist to show the many scars
of slashed skin.
It wasn't his fault. It wasn't. Nothing that happened was his
fault. It was all those fucking hypocrites. They were the ones at
fault. They caused his life to take the drastic turn it had. From the
most well brought up boy into a hopeless addict. His stupid parents,
who seemed to present themselves with love and affection, were really
cold-hearted in reality- actually, they were heartless people. His
mother, who had thrown away all affection, attention, time and
devotion away from him; His father, who he had never seen inside that
hell of a house of theirs; His brother, who was everything he was
not; His sister, a bitch designed for the whorehouse.
His family, his supposedly source of comfort and love, had been at
fault with his now pathetic life. They could all fuck and burn in
hell for the sins they had thrown upon him.
Toshiya's eyes slitted dangerously as he downed more of the
sinfully bittersweet tasting wine.
And then there was Kaori. Beautiful Kaori. The only person he
thought to be truly beautiful, in heart, body, and soul. *His*
beautiful Kaori. The one whom he had lavished all of his affections
to, the one whom he had so lovingly called his dearest, the shy girl
who had timidly entered his life- who gave the image of being so
innocent that she couldn't have even hurt a flea—She had been the one
to slam him against an invisible wall. Shattered his last thread of
hope. Smashed his dreams to pieces when she left him for a rich
Whom he infuriatingly found out to be his own brother. Oh, the
Well, he didn't need Kaori now. He didn't need any of them now.
Didn't need their taunting. Their lying. Their insincerity. He didn't
need anything except himself. He was all that mattered and he lived
only to protect himself. The rest could just go fuck and rot in hell
for the sins he had committed.
" Just rot in hell…," Toshiya voiced his thoughts, his hand
skimming over the cool surface of the glass.
His long fingers clutched the glass and threw it across the room,
watching in mild fascination as it smashed almost noiselessly. The
broken glass that rained from the impact was like his own tears he
had shed so many years ago. Taking the bottle in his hands now, he
chugged down the wine as fast as he could, as if though wanting to be
relieved of his own misery.
The liquid felt welcomingly warm against his throat, massaging the
soreness, filling his insides with a sort-of kindling fire. The
alcohol that spilt from his lips though, was like a cold finger,
travelling down his bare body, snaking around his long legs, finding
the floor. He made quite a sight and would've been a masterpiece in
an art museum had he been caught in paint. Toshiya panted slightly
when all contents of the bottle was gone and he knew he needed more
to be able to release all pain from his mind and soul.
However, he would just have to be satisfied for the night with just
that one bottle of wine. He gave an irritable sigh and cuddled
himself against the table, empty bottle hugged closely. Shutting his
eyes, he willed himself to sleep.
` Where in the world am I?'
He gazed around the dark surrounding, not being able to make out
anything except for his own self.
" In your subconcious, of course." A deep, sly, and sensual voice
replied to his thoughts.
Toshiya turned around and felt himself become numb by the dark
creature that stood before him. Even with the human form, he could
still sense and know that the being was not mortal nor human. The
paleness of the skin rivalled his own, the sharpness of the face, the
way it stood out as if though it would consume him whenever it
delighted upon so.
The dark creature was a demon.
" Ah.. a smart one." A smile on the thin lips and a tongue peeked
out to wet them with deliberate slowness. " So that takes care of the
The man took a step back away. He didn't know why he was facing a
demon in his sleep but he didn't want to and he would wake up now.
Goddammit why won't he wake up?! His thoughts were turning furious
and he turned once more to the demon when it chuckled.
" You'll only wake up when I want you to, darlin' Toshiya." The
demon whispered out the name, giving a meaningful look at the human
before him. " Right now, with your soul in my hands, I want to take
you to hell."
Toshiya's eyebrow perked up and he raised a hand as if though
wanting to strike when suddenly a fact dawned upon him: he was still
completely naked in front of this enchanting yet dangerous demon.
Quickly lowering his hand, a frantic thought came to mind whether he
should try to cover himself or not..
" Don't bother, darlin' Toshiya, " the demon drawled, eyes
scanning the human body with a hungy look, " Even with clothes on I
can see right through them."
` I'm sure you put that power of yours to use all the time.'
Toshiya rolled his eyes, placing both hands on his hips in a gesture
of annoyance. ` You're just a figment of my imagination- the wine
must've been one of those cheap ones. You're an illusion from my
The dark creature didn't seem to be fazed by Toshiya's thoughts.
" If that's what you think, my dear, all the better." Black wings
sprouted from his back and he practically glided towards Toshiya. "
Come now. If I am only an illusion, you wouldn't mind following your
illusion to the mirage of hell, would you?"
Finally getting frightened by the whole situation, Toshiya tried
another step back but the demon caught hold of his hand in one swift
move of his wing. The end of the bat-like wings were drawn out by
long claws- which were what held the squirming Toshiya in place now.
The demon leaned forward so that their noses were barely touching
each other. A sneer of a smile appeared on the corner of it's lips.
Toshiya couldn't help the shiver that ran through his body from the
` Who are you?'
" I have no name. But to you, my darlin', you may call me Kaoru."
` Kaori?' Toshiya's eyes instantly flared.
" No, darlin', not that ex-girlfriend Kaori.. Kaoru." The demon
was still locking gazes with the human. " Now that we've gotten
ourselves properly introduced, I think it's time for me to take you
where you belong."
Toshiya moved from having his other arm held captive. His train of
thoughts were one of rage as he tried to wrestle of the claw
clutching onto his right wrist.
` Whatever gives you permission to bring me to hell? The end has
not come! You are not God! Who are you to be the judge of me? I will
not go to hell earlier than others!'
The demon Kaoru merely smiled hauntingly at Toshiya's attempts to
" What? Don't tell me you actually thought you had a chance of
heaven, darlin'?" A snicker. " Betrayal of parents and family,
suicidal thoughts and attempts, stealing, lying, cheating, greed and
lust in your heart and soul…"
` You have no right to judge me!' Toshiya's mind shrieked out,
still struggling to free himself from the death clutches on his
" No right?" Kaoru chided the words.
Toshiya realized he would be facing deep troubles soon when Kaoru's
face took on an eerie glow. He was effortlessly pushed to the ground –
if there even was a ground- as Kaoru floated above him, just a wink
away from touching his skin.
" But my darlin', I have every right to claim you as mine." Kaoru's
voice was husky and low, making the man below him whimper with the
fear that had begun to cover his mind.
Kaoru leaned in so close, the human stopped breathing momentarily
to feel hot breaths on his skin. Opening his eyes, he saw that the
demon's lips were still a moment's shy away from his own- one move
and they would've kissed. Toshiya tried very hard not to blush at
the thought and felt his body become very rigid.
" I have your soul, Toshiya. I have the very essence of your life
in my hands." Kaoru held out hand, unseen by Toshiya, hovering inches
away from touching the mortal's body. " I can create something even
more cruel and evil in you- something only hell would allow to enter
in it's depths, my dear."
Toshiya shut his eyes closed as he felt the demon's hands travel
it's way down his body. Though still not touching his skin, he could
still sense the tingles his body gave out, ringing pleasure that
would've been his hadn't the fear still be induced in his thoughts.
" Won't it be devine? You will no longer have to suffer alone,
darlin' Toshiya. You needn't stay in the world of the living
The hand was now pressed at his hip hone, the fingers rested above
near his waist.
The human gave a gasp at the scorching heat that passed through his
body. Then he screamed with all his might as he felt the hand burn
into his skin, broiling it as if though the area had been dumped with
" You needn't feel pain anymore." The hand was lifted and the pain
Again, his gasped out for air, not realizing he was breathing into
the demon's face until he adjusted his vision and saw the calm face
looking down at him. Toshiya's face twisted with the remembrance of
the excruciating heat bursting through every nerve, cell, and bone of
his body. Then, his face weakened and showed signs of near-tears.
` What do you want?'
" Only you." Kaoru dipped his head to cover the Toshiya's lips in a
The taste of the demon was nothing he had ever experienced. Instead
of sweetness or bittersweetness, he could taste all the evil,
cruelty, wrong-doings of the world in one single instant. When the
demon's tongue pushed through to carress his slowly and gently, he
could taste the burning fires of hell, he could see the inhabitants
that were glaring down at him, beckoning him to join them.
When Kaoru pulled back, he gazed at the human for awhile, letting
Toshiya catch his breath before gripping his attention once more.
" Join us, darlin' Toshiya. Be among our own kind. The miserable.
The sinful. The welcoming brothers of evil."
Toshiya blinked up at the demon, not knowing what to answer. His
mind wasn't working right- must be the demon's working. He didn't
know what to make of anything. All he wanted was to wake up from the
nightmare he was having. He wanted to forget the touch, the kiss,
those tempting words of eternal release..
" Then wake up if you please, my dear," Kaoru's wings gave a slight
wave and he was standing again. He gazed down at Toshiya with a sort
of expression the mortal couldn't read. " Wake up, wake up into your
little pathetic world and make what you want out of our meeting. But
I won't let you forget. You can drink yourself to death. You can
smoke yourself to death. You can cut those already bleeding wrists of
yours and bleed yourself to death. Or you can kill yourself from
depression and hurt yourself to death."
" Just remember," the tempting voice of the demon was fading, "
Whatever happens, I will always be waiting in hell, waiting and
willing to welcome you anytime you want."
" Mr. Toshimasa! Please wake up!"
Another shake on his shoulders and he pushed the hands away.
Mumbling, he got up from the table and moved to the bed. His head
felt heavy and he needed to lie down. Ignoring the girl, he buried
himself in a pillow, drawing the covers around him to warm his cold
And within those covers he started to think.
He knew well that the meeting with the demon Kaoru wasn't an
illusion. It was too real to have been made up in his mind. And the
demon.. he was something he could never have imagined on his own.
What was supposed to be the meaning of the meeting? Was he supposed
to repent? Become a monk or something? Give up his life he had become
accustomed to after leaving his family? So what? So he could go to
heaven instead of hell? Meet some sort of angel instead of that
infuriatingly gorgeous and desirable demon?
His mind still couldn't draw up a conclusion.
Did he want to leave his life for a chance in heaven? Did he? Was
he proving Kaoru right by not feeling the least bit guilty? Did he
really want to give up the ecstasy of being lost in his own world one
syringe could bring him? Did he want to leave the wonderful sex life
he had whenever, wherever, and with whoever he wanted? Did he want to
quit all his habits… and join his family again? Tell them that they
were right, he was wrong?
What the hell was he supposed to do? An ironic question.
So what should he choose? To prove the demon wrong or to just keep
on drinkin' till he dies then go straight into the fires and torments
End of Part 1:- Come to Me, All Ye Sinful Creatures
Send Comments to Author: Hikaru
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