Title: Drinkin', Dyin', Goin' Straight to Hell
Author: hikaru
Band: Dir en grey
Pairing: KaoruxTotchi, TotchixKaoru
Rating: R ; Limish.. I think.. Is this lime or lemon? I think lime…
Comments: My last post before I study my head off... argh.. Ah… I
don't know about this chapter… but.. well.. it's almost done.. one
more part to go! Well, this part is major KaoruxTotchi.. so.. on with
the fic! *at lost for anymore words because mind is very tired* Enjoy!
C&C's welcomed.

Part 3:- When Thy Love is Sin


The night was always a welcomed guest. It offered a time of
tranquility, peace, and quiet peace for his own mind. But that day,
he dreaded the night to come because of what might be lying for him
during the hour of darkness. His angel was still with him, on the
guard, but even his angel wouldn't be able to guard him from the
tremours of his own heart. The tremours that were caused by the demon

Toshiya lay awake on his bed, glancing at Shinya's glowing figure
sitting a few feet away from him. He closed his eyes for a moment,
trying to fall into slumber though to no avail.

He knew why his heart beats with such pace against his chest. He
knew the reason but he couldn't – he dared not think of the words in
his mind, might the demon hear them. Kaoru could read his every
thoughts and it exposed him more than he could've ever imagined.
Though Shinya could do the same, knowing what went on in his mind, he
didn't invade his thoughts like a writhing snake would.

Toshiya turned on his side, clutching his pillow tightly.

There was one night when he was a small boy, one night that
reminded him of this current situation. How old was he then? 5? Or
maybe he was 6? He couldn't really remember, but he did know that he
wasn't yet in school and he was only beginning to learn that his
parents had no affection for him whatsoever. That one night, it was
winter as he had remembered it, he couldn't sleep; tossing and
turning just as he was now. He needed to go to the bathroom badly,
but he was afraid- back then there were always thoughts of ghouls and
goblins on his mind. In the end, he decided that he would just use
his mother's bathroom, `it was safer' he had thought.

He remembered the cold corridors, the winds that blew chilling him
to the bone. He walked on tiptoes, trying to avoid making the
slightest noise. The young Toshiya had opened his mother's bedroom,
wanting to just run to her bathroom, do his business and leave back
to his own bed. But the two figures moaning in her bed stopped him as
he opened the door wide, letting in streaks of light into the room.

His mother and sat up straight against the head of the bed, her
body bare, staring in both horror and anger at him. On top of his
mother was an unknown man, whose feature were handsome yet held
annoyance, therefore twisting his face a bit. He too was nude and he
gave a sigh as he caught sight of the young Toshiya, stumbling out of
bed just as he was, pushing Toshiya out of the door.

The moans continued on after that.

He knew that something would await him the morning after that and
he remembered the dread in his heart, just as he was feeling at this
very moment. Waking up, ready to shower, his mother had entered his
room and without any warning, had beaten him with his father's cane
repeatedly until blood trickled down his small body. She hadn't
yelled, hadn't screamed in fury, hadn't said a word. Only her actions
spoke and they had done the yelling, screaming, and talking.

The incident was never mentioned to his father, of course.

Now, as he lay awake, a guardian angel by his side, he could still
feel every blow to his skin. The pain still clouded his memories and
her cool face still haunted him.

His thoughts turned angry as he poured the blame of his encounter
with the demon on her. She was the one who had made him so terrified
as a little boy, made him turn into the rebel teenager, and grow up
to be hunted by a demon from hell. He was right all along. It was
their fault, never his. He wouldn't be caught up trying to wonder
whether to lose his pleasures or to reside in hell for all eternity.
He wouldn't have to feel… so Goddamn awful! As if though thorns were
sticking out from every angle of his brain, from every pore of his
body, from..

` Ah.. my darlin'..Such feeling shouldn't be endowed to someone as
precious as you.' Kaoru's voice weaved itself slyly in his mind

Toshiya closed his eyes, maybe sleep would put the tempting voice

A chuckle denied those thoughts.

` Do you *want* to put me away, darlin' Toshiya?' He could almost
envision Kaoru smiling down at him with that to-die-for smirk. `
Wouldn't you rather be put *with* me?'

` Yes…,' Toshiya felt his mind speaking for him involuntarily.

His body gave a shiver as he closed his eyes, just thinking up the
image of Kaoru near him. Toshiya forgot that an angel sat near him,
alert to the sudden change in his aura.

" Toshiya? Daijobu?" Shinya spoke softly, coming to his side.

Shinya's voice didn't reach him though as Toshiya was already
caught inside the spun web Kaoru had drawn out for him. His eyes were
closed as if in a deep sleep but his mind was a hurricane about to be
brought to it's full power.

` Let me take you, my precious..,' Kaoru whispered, his voice
sending pleasurable chills through him, ` Let me take you this

Toshiya gave a sigh in his sleep and surrendered himself most
willingly as he felt Kaoru take his subconscious to where the demon
was. Shinya's eyes widened when he felt Toshiya entering the depths
of hell.

" Toshiya, don't!" Shinya shook at the body to no use- Toshiya was


The blond looked out at the demons below, his hands touching the
cool glass that separated him from the air of hell. Kaoru had
especially put it up for him, in case he was drowned by the toxic the
air had. His eyes registered the torture on the humans below,
registered the satisfied grins on the demons' faces, registered this
world of hell…

Arms wrapped themselves around his waist as a face pressed against
his back. Toshiya let out a small gasp in surprise.

" What is my precious thinking about?" Kaoru murmured against his

" Nothing." He lied.

Kaoru chuckled and his hold tightened.
" Don't even try, darlin'. Tell me what is going inside your mind.
I'd like to hear it from your lips."

Toshiya hesitated but Kaoru's hands had begun to massage his
stomach in a way that made him feel totally at ease.
" I don't want to be among those humans."

" Who said you'll be among those humans." Kaoru replied easily, his
fingers still applying pressure to the knotted muscles in Toshiya's
stomach. " You'll be among those inflicting pain."

Toshiya felt his eyes widen.
" A demon?"

Kaoru turned the tall man to face him, his hands still holding onto
Toshiya. The trademark smirk was still upon his face as his lips
touched an area of the human's neck.
" Wouldn't you want to be? Like me?"

Dark wings spread out as leaned up to run his tongue across the
skin behind Toshiya's ear. The human shuddered from the touch.
" Hell is meant for you, my precious. Just meant. For. You."

Kaoru's hands slid up against the bare skin, his nails teasing as
it scratched slightly to draw red lines on Toshiya's back. The human
gave another shudder, leaning forward into the demon, letting his
wings cover him as he was carried with ease towards the demon's
sleeping chambers. He was settled against what seemed like luscious
black fur, enveloping his body in a delightful hug. Toshiya mumbled
something at their softness earning a twitch of a smile on the
demon's face.

" Don't you want me, my darlin'?" Kaoru's voice dropped oh-so-very
low, giving the indication that he knew exactly the answer Toshiya
would provide him with.

" Yes." Toshiya answered, still shuddering. He raised his arms to
hold Kaoru against him, feeling where the wings began. " Yes."

" Very well then." Kaoru's eyes glinted as he pushed himself from
the man's chest, his hands settling just above the waistline of the
jeans Toshiya was wearing. " Let me fulfill your wishes.. and give
you a taste of exactly how hell feels."

A bruising kiss as two bodies, one of a subconscious human the
other of a demon, pressed together, all clothing of any sort only a
distant memory.


Shinya saw the way Toshiya's face had paled over the past few
minutes. He placed a hand on the mortal's chest, over his heart and
warmed the area.

" Please Toshiya, fight him..," Shinya pleaded, letting the light
from his hand seep into the skin, " Don't let him fool you.. Fight


A finger tracing intresting patterns inside the human's mouth. A
groan and the finger was removed, replaced by warm lips which left as
soon as it had come. The kisses travelled down to his shoulders with
sensual slowness. Toshiya wrapped his legs around the demon, trying
to urge the creature into picking up pace.

" Faster..," he breathed.

The demon merely chuckled, giving a lick on his nipples as a way of
answer. The human shuddered again and body pressed insistently
against Kaoru's.

" Soon, my precious.." Came the promise.


" Toshiya, please!" Shinya applied more pressure and felt his hand
reach into Toshiya's heart, grasping it.


Toshiya gasped when he felt a tug on his heart. He screamed in
agony as he felt himself being pulled away from his subconcious.

Kaoru's pacifying hand on his shoulder brought him back though; he
breathed with long breaths of air as sweat trickled down his face. He
looked up pleadingly at the demon, who only glared at no one in
particular. The glare disappeared soon enough though as his lips
continued to travel down the human's body, earning him a delighted

` Shinya.. just stop trying.' Kaoru grinned evilly.


Tears cascaded down the beautiful angel's face, dropping onto the
unconscious human, not at all stirring the sleeping figure. Shinya's
hand remained holding the heart which was twisting and trying to be
free of his grasp. His wings gave a flutter and drooped.

" No…," Shinya cried, " Kaoru.. don't…"


The tug was still there. The angel wouldn't give up trying to take
the mortal back into his consciousness. But the human didn't heed the
pleadings, concentrating only on the way every touch from the demon's
fingers sent a thrill to every nerve, cell, and emotion within him.
His body grew tense as he felt Kaoru's lips stop over his manhood,
warm breaths of air breathed upon his exposed organ. A shiver of
pleasure as his hands held onto the demon's shoulders.

Skillfull touch and strokes applied onto it, though the soft
touches were hardly needed, his erection came on even without Kaoru's
hands on it.

` You are truly a demon..,' Toshiya thought with agony as the
strokes became unbearable, ` Just fuck me goddammit!'

Another chuckle echoed in his mind, again making him shudder from

` I find your words very amusing..but,' Kaoru let the thought
wander off, knowing the effect it would bring onto the aroused
mortal, ` Like I said, my darlin'.. soon…'

Before another thought could cross Toshiya's mind, Kaoru's mouth
held the organ inside, sucking it, stroking it with his tongue,
taking all the time in the world. Toshiya's nails dug into Kaoru's
skin, digging in so deep that black blood spilled onto his fingers.
As Kaoru continued to torture him with blissful pleasure, his tongue
running up and down his length, taking in every drop of liquid,
Toshiya's body trembled trying to throw himself deeper within the

` Please take me now..' The heatful thought came through his foggy

Another slow, sensual lick. Another annoyingly, frustratingly,
breathtaking chuckle echoing through the mortal's mind.


Toshiya's body shook slightly though the eyes remained closed.
Shinya was trying to give his warmth and light throughout his whole
body but as soon as the light entered, darkness engulfed it. Tears
continued to flow as his attempts became futile.

` What is Kaoru doing to you Toshiya?' Came the desperate thought.

But he knew the answer, just not wanting to fully believe it.


Kaoru looked down on him now, the smirk on his face. He didn't look
at all out of breath, though Toshiya was practically gasping for it.
He could still feel his arousal and narrowed his eyes at the demon
through his lust and fury.

" Fuck me now, demon." A demand.

Another chuckle and Toshiya's shaking hand grabbed hold of Kaoru's
hair, pulling his face so that it was inches away from his. It was
Toshiya's turn to kiss the demon's lips, running his tongue across
the canines of Kaoru, briefly meeting the warmth of the insides of
Kaoru's mouth. He withdrew, still taking deep breaths of air, then
glared full force at the demon.

" I want you to fuck me now." Toshiya growled, giving a tug at the
demon's hair.

Kaoru's eyes widened a bit in wonder at the mortal then nodded
slightly. He turned the mortal over, kissing the back of his shoulder
lightly before lowering himself onto the man.

" You are a most exquisite human, did you know that, my precious?"
Kaoru's voice was husky, irritatingly sexy and calm. " Just
beautiful, in every sense of the word…"

" Shut up and fuck me." Toshiya's voice was still a growl, muffled
by the black furs pressed against his face. " Shinya's kept me a
saint for a whole day.. don't tell me you've got the same plans too!"

Kaoru trailed a finger, grazing his nail, along Toshiya's smooth
back, sliding against the mortals buttocks, resting to press his
palms against them. Kaoru's own body was just several seconds shy of
being inside Toshiya's.

" Let me fulfill your wishes, beautiful mortal." The last whisper
before words became lost as he thrusted himself inside the human.

Toshiya's whole body jolted at the sudden and unexpected brute
entry, his mouth opening yet no sound came out as he took in a gasp
of air. Then he screamed his lungs out.


Shinya removed his hand from Toshiya's heart when the body began to
convulse. Toshiya's eyelids opening showing only the whites of his

" Toshiya?" Shinya tried to hold the mortal down, his wings
spreading out so that they gave him strength. " Toshiya!"


Images of himself in hell, burning against the stake, his whole
body turning into a wretched form. Kaoru over him, taking him into
his arms and sinking his canine's into the mortal's neck. All these
entered Toshiya's mind as Kaoru entered his body for the second time.

His screams became choked as he felt his legs become like rubber,
his insides twisting, churning, melting. Blood rushed out from
beneath him.


Toshiya was bleeding. Profusely. Shinya's cries became insistent,
trying to hold the body that was now shaking out of control.


Three times:
The demon truly became a demon, his gorgeous body twisting into
some sort of an animal, saliva dropping from it's fangs as it growled
at him. The third thrust caused him to bite his lips, tears spilling
from his eyes as he tried to shake away the images.

Toshiya's fear took over him and the instant Kaoru removed himself
from his body, the mortal flipped them around so that he was looking
down at the demon.

Kaoru's face was just as it was- dark and handsome, only a bead of
sweat rolling down one side of his face. Other than that, he didn't
look the least bit tired out. He looked up at the panting human, the
smirk appearing on his face again. He raised his legs so that they
hugged Toshiya's quivering form, pressing against them once again,
feeling the wetness stick onto him. Toshiya's breathing gasped upon
his face, warm breaths against his cheek.

" I can go on if you'd like..," Kaoru spoke calmly, his arms
wrapping themselves around Toshiya's neck, " But you look tired. Why
don't I let you sleep?"

The blond nodded in exhaustion, collapsing onto the smaller body.
Kaoru didn't mind the weight, he held onto him comfortably. Toshiya
closed his eyes, wondering at how cold Kaoru's body felt even after
the sex. He didn't wonder too long though since his eyes fluttered,
nearly closed.

" Aishiteru ne.. Kaoru." Toshiya murmured without realizing it.

Kaoru's eyes thoroughly widened at the confession but relaxed after
the thought sunk in. His hold tightened and pressed himself against
Toshiya, lowering his head so that his lips were near the mortal's

" Could you prove that to me?" He whispered.

" Of course..," Toshiya mumbled in reply, snuggling against the

Kaoru gave a contented smirk, then rested his head back again. He
didn't need to worry about anything now.

" I need you to prove your love for me." Kaoru's words played
itself through Toshiya's half-asleep mind. " But I will tell you
later… sleep now, my precious."

Toshiya blinked up at the demon and lay a hand on his chest,
lighting running his fingers across the skin.
" Shouldn't I give you something too? Give you pleasure?"

The innocence the voice held when asking the question made Kaoru
" Don't worry, darlin' Toshiya.. I'm content with just giving all
the pleasures to you."

" But I—"

Kaoru's hand slid down to pull the body snugly against his, a hand
running through the silk of Toshiya's hair.
" I said sleep, my precious."

Toshiya rubbed at his nose before settling himself to sleep.
" Of course.."


Shinya had fallen asleep after Toshiya's body stopped writhing
beneath his touch, his head on top of Toshiya's chest. He didn't
notice when the body stirred, the mortal's consciousness slowly
kicking in again. Toshiya felt the weight on his chest and thought it
to be the demon but once his eyes caught hold of the golden silks, he
knew it was only the angel. He wanted to sit up because he was
feeling a bit uncomfortable but then he raised his hand and saw red
liquid, dried onto his fingernails and down to his wrist.

It was then that he noticed that though his body had hurt more than
hell ever could the night before, there were no traces of pain left
and he felt utterly at calm. He smiled to himself at this fact.

The angel's wings gave a sudden shiver and then Shinya awoke. He
noticed Toshiya was back and looked a bit relieved, though there was
still a bit of fear clouding the violet eyes.

" What's this?" Toshiya asked, raising a hand, indicating towards
the blood.

" You bled last night." Shinya answered shortly.

` So I remember.' Toshiya thought before a smile crossed his
face. ` Kaoru.. he said.. `

" Did the demon say anything to you when he took you?" Shinya
probed, folding his legs behind him as he stared intently at the

Toshiya stared back then shrugged, giving a little sigh.
" Before he sent me back here, he said he returned my feelings."

" Of hate?" Shinya offered meekly. He knew it wasn't the answer but
there was still a glimmer of hope.

" Of love, you pathetic being of a guardian angel." Toshiya
laughed. " What did you think? I can't believe I'm in love with a
demon.. and he's in love with me!"

" Toshiya—" Shinya tried to say something but the human wasn't

" He said something before I left though.. what was it..?" Toshiya
thought back, not at all noticing the restlessness of the angel.

` Take this, my darlin', take this and tear away the angel's
wings.' Kaoru's voice whispered into his mind. ` He shall lose his
power and then we can be together. Forever.'

An object was clutched in his right hand. He looked down at it the
same time Shinya did. His eyes glanced back up to the angel who only
looked at him with a great pleading in his eyes. Toshiya's finger
raised the object that twisted in his hands, as if though wanting to
grab onto Shinya's wings.

` When he loses his power.. he shall die.. and there will be no
more interferences.'

Toshiya looked up at his angel, then shook his head. As long as
Shinya didn't interfere, there was no need for him to kill him. He
put the object on his bed and stood up.

" Shinya, I know that you won't understand my feelings but please
don't come back into my life." Toshiya said slowly. " I don't want to
hurt you, but I want Kaoru. So, I hope that you could just leave us

Shinya gave him a look of bewilderment.
" I'm your guardian angel and you expect me to just leave you in
the hands of a demon?"

Toshiya gave a loud, annoyed sigh.

" Don't sigh at me like that Toshimasa Hara!" Shinya yelled. " If
you want to be with Kaoru, selling your own soul for hell, you might
as well kill me! I won't live being known as the guardian angel who
let his mortal fall into Kaoru's hands!"

Toshiya felt angered again. So angered. Furious. How dared the
angel not listen to his words. He had tried to negotiate so that he
would let the angel live, but the angel refused his offer. The object
was taken in his hands as he advanced upon the white figure.

" Will you kill me?" Shinya spat out, not at all believing how
things could change so much after a night Toshiya spent in hell..
with Kaoru.

Toshiya raised the object, holding it out like a whip.
" Yes."


Kaoru's smirk came on once he heard Toshiya's voice, the human's
answer to the question.

` My precious.. soon you will become my slave..'


With speed that could've only be given by the demon, Toshiya was
behind Shinya, the whip-like object drawn and wrapped around the
angel's wings, twisting the two feathery whites together so that they
were immobilized. Shinya gave a shriek in pain as his knees gave way
and he dropped to the ground, Toshiya standing above him, his hands
still twisting the wings till silver blood dropped from Shinya's
back, covering his floor.

Toshiya's eyes flashed, his mind not hearing anything except
Kaoru's words that had been implanted inside his mind:
` Stain your hands with his blood and then I shall love you

End of Part 3:- When Thy Love is Sin

Notes: Err... one thing about Kaoru I've been repeating over and over
again: well he smirks and doesn't smile, why? Because he's a demon
and I can't imagine a demon smiling. Smiling looks cute and nice... it
doesn't go with the whole personality... ^^;; just in case anyone's
wondering why Kaoru's trademark is his smirk in this fic. ^__

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