by izumi

Part 1

I look around in this white room. I hit the mattress that I was sitting on. Hard. Pain slowly crept up my fist, causing me to cradle it in my other hand, trying to make it less painful. Okay, so I thought the mattress wasn’t that hard. No wonder I have such a sore back. I’ve been sleeping on *that* thing for the past few weeks.

I stand up and pace around the room, thinking with what was left in my insane mind. Insane. That was why they put me here, the reason why I’m dressed up in these dull clothes, instead of my usual colourful clothes that fit. They think that I am crazy. Just because I talk to myself sometimes, just because I told my friend that I see different things, just because I hear things that other people can’t.

Everyday, I tell myself that I am *not* insane. I *did* hear those voices and I *did* see those things. But, after living here for a few weeks, I feel like I’m part of the family here in this mental institution. Everyone here is insane, heartbroken or other things that I’d rather not know. Except me. Because I can still think straight, and I don’t attack people in the middle of the night. But, sometimes I think to myself, if I’m not crazy, then why am I here? I must be crazy, that’s why I’m here. This place is making me worse. I was fine before they sent me here.

I sat back down on the hard bed and looked out the window. It was sakura season, and if I weren’t here, I’d be enjoying the sakura trees with my girlfriend back home. That all seems like such a long time ago, when I still had people that loved me, when I still had people that cherished me, when I still had people that looked up to me. But, after the day when the awful people from this awful institution came and took me away, I lost all of that. I lost my girlfriend, I lost my close buddies, I lost my band. The only thing that I haven’t lost is my mother and father, and I always feel like they’re just pitying me. That feels awful, when the only thing that you can get from your parents is pity, and not their love. And I still have my bass guitar. Sometimes the people here would let me plug it in my amp and I’d play just to soothe myself.

I stretched as I heard a knock on the door. A nurse opened the door and pushed a cart in, filled with the awful food that they serve here. God, can it even qualify as food? I just look as she puts down a tray on the table across from my bed. The only thing I recognize is the glass of water. Then I look at my arm and realize how much weight I’ve lost ever since I was put here. I just continued looking at her as she made sure that all the medication was there on my tray.

“Ne, Hara-kun, you must eat! Look at how thin you’ve gotten!” the nurse told me, holding my arm.

I pull away from her and remain silent. I hear her sigh as she leaves the room, but I didn’t hear the door closing, so I looked in that direction and I saw that the door was wide open. Stupid nurse. Can’t even remember to close the door once in a while. I close my eyes and lie down, when I feel a presence near the door. No, not a *spiritual* presence, a real person presence. So I opened my eyes and looked at the door.

Standing there was a tall man with red hair, a man that I have never before seen in my life. He was grinning widely at me. No. Not me. Who would grin at me?

I sat up and defensively clutched my knees. He walked in, uninvited and looked around.

“Hi! How are you feeling?” he asked me. I remained silent and stared at my fingers.

He sat down next to me and poked my arm.

“What’s your name?” he asked again.

“Hara Toshimasa.” I answered.

“What to call you? Hara? Toshimasa? Toshi? Masa?” he asked again. I nearly laughed out loud, something that I haven’t felt like doing in a long time.


“Ahh, such a sweet name!” he cried out and hugged me. I froze. No one that I know has hugged me ever since I came here, now a complete stranger hugs me like I’m his best friend.

“Die! We have to go now! You can come back tomorrow if you want,” someone called from the door.

We both looked in that direction where there stood a pretty, thin figure. He smiled at us and looked at the one next to me, Die. Die smiled at him and patted my back.

“Hi Shinya! Just talking to this person here, his name is Toshiya!” he told him.

Shinya walked in and bowed politely to me. Again I froze. No one’s bowed to me ever since I started to hear things. I felt so touched by these sudden friendly gestures.

“Hello, Toshiya! I’m Terachi Shinya, and this is my friend Ando Daisuke, but we all call him Die,” Shinya said to me.

I just remained silent, even though I wanted to respond to him. I buried my face into my knees and out of the corner of my eyes I can see Shinya whispering into Die’s ear. I saw him nod and I felt a pat on my back.

“Well, Toshiya, I’ll come back sometime tomorrow, okay? Mata ne!” He said to me then exited the room with Shinya.


I sat down in front of what was supposed to be my breakfast and sighed. There was a large glob of gooey brown stuff, some flat yellow stuff which I guessed must be eggs, some sticky white stuff and a glass of plain water. I picked up my fork and picked at the food.

“Oh, yuck. Is that what they serve you here?” a voice asked me from behind. I jumped and turned to see who it was.

Die. I’d recognize that flaming red hair anywhere. He was looking sardonically at the stuff on my plate and shook his head. He sat down on a chair next to me and put a big basket on the table. He grinned at me.

“Ohayou! I told you I’d come back, ne? Here, I brought you breakfast! I had the feeling that you haven’t been eating properly, so I brought some food that me and Shinya cooked!” He told me, gesturing towards the basket.

I just looked at him as he unloaded the basket. Very soon, there was *real* food on my table, and the stuff they gave me was shoved aside. He made me eat a little bit of everything on the table, then he made me eat more and more and more, until I felt like bursting. He laughed seeing my statement then poured me some juice and made me drink that, too.

Oh, my. Suddenly I felt healthy, healthier than I have ever been in weeks! Die looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something. I didn’t.

After waiting for me to say something for almost two hours, he gave up and stood up. He ruffled my messy hair and walked out of the room with his basket, telling me that he’d be back soon.

I looked in the mirror and saw that I looked healthier, too! I never felt better! I jumped on my bed and fell asleep.


“Still not speaking, huh?”

“Well, he doesn’t know me, and I just stuffed food in his mouth,”

“Yeah, I guess he doesn’t respond well to strangers, ne?”

“Not just strangers, he doesn’t even speak to his parents!”

“Do they even visit?”

“Twice, ever since they put him there,”

“I don’t think he belongs there, Die. I think he’s not crazy!”

“I *know* he’s not crazy! He’s smart enough to keep his mouth shut, crazy people babble,”


“So what?”

“So, what is wrong with him? Why is he there?”


“I don’t know, but I’m gonna find out,” Die said.

-End of pt 1-

to be continued

back to deg fics pg 3