Hurt

by izumi

Part 2

I brushed away a strand of blue hair from my eyes as I looked out the window. And then I sighed, thinking of what had happened in the past month. I glanced at the calendar that Die hung up for me. Itís been a month since he started coming to see me, and he hasnít gotten tired of it even though I say maybe one word in three days. I think heís really determined to make me talk.

Heís a really nice guy, I see it from the way he talks to the nurses when we take a walk, the way he talks and jokes with his friends(especially Shinya) and the way he treats me. Normally, people donít treat people that are locked up in an institution like he treats me. He treats me like Iím not one of the patients here, he makes me feel like Iím *not* one of the people here. He makes me happy. And I havenít felt happy ever since I came here. I donít look so skinny anymore, but I think that Die should take care of his own food, considering how skinny he looks.

ďOh, Totchi! Iím heeeree!!Ē a familiar voice called from the door.

I turned around and saw Die there, standing with a huge grin on his face. Well, he does that *all* the time, so itís not very surprising. I realized that he wasnít holding a basket, or a book or anything at all. Usually he brings stuff to entertain me so I donít feel so bored. But today he brought nothing.

ďGuess what! The doctors are letting me take you out for a ride today!Ē he told me happily.

Oh. So *thatís* why he brought nothing. Heís taking me out! I could feel my lips from into a smile. His grin widened and he went back out the door and came back with a bag.

ďHere! I brought you some normal clothes, a change from the ones that youíre wearing now,Ē he said, shoving the bag in my arms. ďIíll wait for you outside, ne?Ē he continued, closing the door.

I stared at the closed door in surprise. Then my gaze shifted to the bag in my arms. I set it down on my bed and quickly changed out of my dull hospital clothes and into the bright, comfortable ones that Die brought me. Man, this guyís got taste.

I bundled my clothes on my bed and opened the door to a smoking Die. He quickly stubbed out his cigarette and gave me a sheepish smile as he scratched his head.

ďGomen, ne? I hope you donít mind me smoking,Ē he said. I shook my head slowly.

He smiled.

ďLetís get going! Youíre gonna have a GREAT day!! ď he exclaimed as he grabbed my arm and dragged me to his car.

I wasnít surprised to see that it was red.

**

ď Come on, Totchi!! Lets ride this one! ď he cried out.

He grabbed my arm and dragged me to a rollercoaster ride and made me sit on one of the seats up front. He sat down next to me and grinned.

ďThis is one of my favourite rides! ĎHaunted Tunnelí or something like that,Ē he told me.

I shut my eyes through the whole ride while Die screamed happily along with the other people on the ride. Me? Well, I just bit my lip and went through it. I have to admit, it was very very fun. I felt dizzy after the ride and I had to hold on to Dieís arm for support since I couldnít walk straight. He laughed at me and teased me when he saw my green face.

ďLets go have some smoothies, ne? Itíll cool you down a bit, take the green out of your face,Ē he said, chuckling.

We spent half a day at the amusement park, then went to play some video games at an arcade, took a walk in the park, where he chased me around holding a rubber lizard he won at the arcade, and then finally we sat down on one of the benches in the park and ate ice-cream.

I sighed happily. Die was right. I *did* have a great day!

For what seemed like a long time we just sat there, licking our ice-cream as Die told me stories, stories about himself, his friends, his family, everything. For a moment I felt like I was a part of his nice and beautiful life. Imagine that.

I looked up at the stars above me, imagining that they were so close to earth. But then I remembered what I learnt, the stars arenít as close to earth as they look like, itís just some trick with light or something like that. I sighed. I stifled a yawn and blinked my eyes. Die mustíve seen that cuz he put his arm around my shoulders and told me to rest my head on his shoulder. So I did, and I fell asleep almost right away.

I could feel his fingers playing with my hair, stroking it softly. I sighed contentedly and he held me closer.

When I woke up, I was already back at the institution, alone. At least I didnít feel so lonely, thinking that Die brought me back here. Iím never lonely anymore, I have someone who cares for me again. He does care for me, right?

**

I hate it when I wake up and the sun is on my face. It hurts my eyes. Silly nurses pulling open the drapes for me is *not* what I need to start my miserable day. Wait. No, not miserable, make that normal and almost happy day. Ever since Die came, I never felt miserable. How can I feel miserable when he is always making me smile? Sooner or later, Iíll be laughing along with his jokes, talking to him and teasing him. I want to talk now, but I havenít opened up to him entirely yet. How can I? I donít know what I feel for him, so how can I open up to him?

What are my feelings for him, exactly?

I stand up unsteadily and go to close the drapes, making the room dark and cold. I smiled in satisfaction. I was about to turn around when I felt strong arms around my waist. Die. I could recognize that nice scent anywhere. I lay back into his warm embrace, savouring the moment.

ďHi Totchi, how are you this morning?Ē he said to me, holding me tighter.

I just nodded, not sure if I should start talking to him from now. I could hear him sigh and feel his chin on my shoulder.

ďThatís great, then,Ē he said.

We just stayed in that position for the next few minutes. He didnít move an inch, he just stood there with his arms wrapped around my waist, talking softly to me. Since his chin was still on my shoulder, it tickled when he talked.

ďNe, Totchi?Ē he said to me softly.

I turned my head slightly to let him know that I was listening. Once again I felt his arms tighten around my waist. I felt him move his lips closer to my ear and I felt him pause.

ďI love you, Totchi,Ē he whispered softly in my ear.

I froze.

He mustíve noticed because he buried his face into my shoulder, but he still kept me in his arms. Then I heard him talk.

ďI love you, Totchi! I really do! Even though when I talk to you you donít talk back and even though I feel youíre distant, I still love you! I donít know what Iíd do without you, and I donít care if you never talk to me because I think that actions speak louder than words, and somehow, someway, you *will* talk to me! Iíll wait forever to hear you talk! Because I love you, I really do, and nothing will ever change that. Nothing.Ē

That surprised me. I could feel him sobbing into my shoulder, and I did what Iíd thought Iíd never ever do.

I held his hand.

Okay, so for normal people, holding hands isnít so hard or unusual to do, but for me, it is. Iíve never been the one to hold his hand, it was always him who grabbed my hand and wouldnít let go.

And he was surprised. He lifted his face up from my shoulder and turned me so he could face me. I saw happiness glimmer in his eyes when he looked at me.

Then he embraced me, again. All over again I felt warm, welcomed and loved. So I hugged him back, something Iíve never done before.

ďI love you too, Die,Ē I told him softly.

There. I said it myself. Now I know what my feelings are for him, the feelings that took me a month to interpret.

It was love. I loved Die. Just like he loved me. And I felt happy. I knew Die was happy too, because he once again buried his face in my shoulder and I could *feel* his lips form into a smile.

And a minute later, I could feel his lips on mine. Soft and warm, something that Iíve missed.

I made it clear to myself. This is what I feel for Die. Love. Nothing will change that, right?

Right?

-End of part 2-

to be continued

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