by izumi

Part 3

Mmm. I want to stay like this forever, in his warm, comfortable and protective arms. But of course, our legs would hurt like hell if we remained in this position any longer. I felt his arms tighten around me.

“Totchi?” he said to me softly, stroking my hair gently.


“I don’t wanna let go, I want to hold you forever…but, truth be told, my legs are starting to hurt,” he said, chuckling softly.

He gently pulled away from me and walked around the room, relieving the pain from his legs. I sat back on my bed and stretched my legs. Boy, they hurt. We were standing far too long, but even through that, it felt…nice. At least I was standing with him, with his arms around me. So nothing could’ve hurt me just now.

I felt him sit next to me.

“What do you want to do now? I was in a hurry this morning so I forgot to bring anything, gomen ne?” he said sheepishly.

I shrugged at him and looked at the closed window. He followed my gaze to the window and a smile formed on his face.

“Let’s go out again, ne? Is that what you want?” he asked me, pulling me up and dragging me to the window.

I cringed when he pulled the curtains open. My eyes slowly registered to the light and I looked at the sight before me.

I saw people running around, happily chatting, walking, talking, fooling around and all that.

A pang of loneliness hit my heart. I leaned againts the windowsill and got a better look at the bright, happy scene before me.

Someone was going home. How lucky. I’ll never go home, they’ll never accept me back home. Never. Tears filled my eyes and I could feel them rolling down my cheek silently.

Die tilted slightly to take a good look at me and gasped when he saw my face.

“Totchi! What’s wrong?” he asked me worriedly.

I shook my head as he gathered me in his arms and patted my back soothingly.

“Nakanai, Totchi. Every thing’s gonna be alright, you’ll go back home someday. I’ll make sure of that,” he told me firmly but soothingly.

What a mindreader.

I looked up at him and gave a small smile. He grinned back and gently wiped away my dried tears.

“Let’s go!”


I gave Die a strange look when he parked his car somewhere unfamiliar to me. I just followed him silently in the building and looked around.

So pretty and cheerful. So full of life. What was this place?

“Community center, this where I usually hang out with my friends. We’re all voulenteers, we help around with stuff, you know,” he explained to me.

Voulenteer. That was what Die was. A voulenteer.

“Shinya and some other people decorated this place, nice, ne?” he said to me.


He opened one of the many doors and I saw some children playing happily and chatting away. I had to smile looking at them, so much energy, so much joy.

“They’re orphans,” Die said to me quietly.

Oh. They have a lot of strength to live even when they don’t have parents to love them and look after them.

“Hey! Shinya!!” he called out.

Shinya emerged from behind the room with a batch of freshly baked cookies. He waved and smiled at Die while giving the cookies to the kids. He gave them all a sweet smile and came towards us with the cookies in one hand.

“Hi Die, you made it today, ne? And you brought Toshiya-kun with you!” he greeted us. “Cookie?” he offered.

“Thanks Shin-chan!” Die said, grinning as he took a cookie.

“Totchi? You should take one, Shinya makes *great* cookies,” he said, giving me one.

“Arigatou,” I said, accepting the cookie and took a bite out of it.

The two laughed at my statement when I took a bite out of it.

“Told ya so!” Die said, patting my back.

Shinya raised an eyebrow at us, I realized then he smiled.

“Eto…Die, why don’t you help me in the back, ne?” he said with this look on his face.

Die looked at Shinya and reconized that *look* immediately. He nodded and turned to me.

“I won’t be long Totchi, why don’t you go sit down, read a book or something, or play with the kids?” Die suggested, gesturing towards some chairs on one side of the room.

I nodded. I watched him and Shinya walk towards the door where Shinya came from. I walked over to the chairs and saw a pile of magazines and I picked one up. Finally, after flipping through a few of them, I got bored of them and I went to the back door.

I know that eavesdropping isn’t very nice, but I had nothing else better to do, and they wouldn’t know. Plus, they were probably just cleaning up, right? I pressed my ear againts the door and listened.

How wrong I was.

“…you told him, Die? That’s why he looks so cheery today,” I heard Shinya say.

“Yeah, I told him. And guess what? He told me that he loved me too! He actually said it!” Die said.

I smiled listening to Die’s happy voice and continued listening.

“Hontou? Wow, that’s really great! But, I’m not sure if he’ll like it…” Shinya trailed off.

“I don’t care about him anymore, alright? He successfully pushed himself out of my life, and there’s no space for him anymore,” Die retorted.


“Look, I understand. But did you even think of how Kaoru would react to this? A new lover? He wouldn’t be too happy, you know,” Shinya pointed out.

“I. Don’t. Care. He has that other pink-haired companion of his, let him be happy with him for all I care!” Die shot back.

I heard Shinya sigh and a plate being put in the sink. I heard the water tap being opened and water pouring out.

“Die…” I pressed my ear harder.

“What? I’m sorry, okay? I know that you’re a good friend of Kaoru’s and – “

“No, no. That’s not what I was going to say,” Shinya cut him off.


“I was going to say, have you told Toshiya about…you know, the *other* thing,” Shinya said meaningfully.

Once again silence. I pressed my ear harder, worried that I’d miss out anything. I heard Die heave a heavy sigh and take a deep breath.

“No. I haven’t,” he replied shortly.

“But-“ Shinya protested.

“And he doesn’t need to know, okay? Don’t go blubbering to him, Shinya. Onegai,” Die stated clearly.

“He needs to know, Die! He deserves to know! He’s been through enough pain, don’t make him endure with anymore! At least he won’t be too broken hearted when –“

“He won’t know, he doesn’t need to know, and he’ll never know until it happens. End of conversation, okay?” Die cut Shinya off.

This time I heard Shinya sigh heavily and I heard the rustling sound of fabric. Shinya must’ve hugged Die or something. They’re pretty close, I realized.

I heard them stacking plates and clearing stuff. I quickly went back to the chairs and picked up a battered magazine, making it look like I was there all the time. Hopefully the kids won’t tattle. I flipped through the magazine and I saw Die and Shinya walking out of the room and talking and what not.

“Totchi…” I heard Die say.

I looked up and he was smiling at me.

“Come on! We’ll all have lunch on the benches outside with the kids…it’s my turn and Shinya’s this week, but I haven’t had lunch with these kids for sometime,” Die told me, holding out a hand to me.

I looked at his hand and nodded. He smiled again and took my hand, leading me out the door and into the small garden they had behind the building.

It was a beautiful place, that garden. It had several benches here and there, with some sakura trees over them, a small pond filled with tiny fish, some bamboo trees and a lot of other plants as well. I could see a small patch of the ground with a thin rope around it. There was a sign saying that it was the kids’ project or something.

How nice. I looked over at Die and Shinya who were busy ushering the kids to sit down. They did this. Them and a whole bunch of voulenteers made this place so beautiful. And they did it not for money, but because they were loving and caring.

I regret now that I can’t do any good deeds anymore. I regret that I didn’t do things like this when I was still sane. In fact, I can’t do much anymore, except staying out of people’s hair and sit still in the institution doing nothing, or maybe playing with some of the stuff that Die brought me.

“Totchi!! Come eat!!” Die called to me.

I mentally shook myself away from my thoughts and nodded. I walked over to Die and he made me sit next to him. I looked at what was on the plate.

Macaroni and cheese. My favourite. I smiled at Die. He smiled back.

“Ittadakimasu!!!!!” he called out and we all began eating.


“Whoa! I’m stuffed! Aren’t you?” Die asked, his eyes on the road.

I *was* stuffed. I could only nod. He grinned at me and turned on the radio.

I looked at him, I mean *really* looked at him. I loved the way the wind blew his hair, teasing it here and there. I loved the way he fumbled around for a cigarette, loved the way he lighted it, loved the way he shook his hair back. I loved the way he searched around for a good station, and I loved the way he sang along to the songs.

I smiled contentedly and looked at the road in front of me, feeling the nice cool breeze againts my cheek. Then I heard Die singing along to a song that I knew, and liked, too.

“ ‘Itsumademo kimi dake wa, kawaranai de…’ “ he sang along.

I smiled, and thought, what the hell? So I sang with him.

“ ‘…soba ni ite, boku no ude de..’” I continued.

He looked at me with a surprised look on his face and I shrugged and kept on singing. He grinned and we sang along to Kimi no Tame ni Dekiru Koto, together, with the wind blowing in our faces.

-End of part3-

to be continued

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