Disclaimer by Jane:

This is TOTALLY made up, and I don't own any of the people mentioned, obviously... Terachi Shinya, Ando Daisuke and the rest of Dir en grey belongs to the record company of the J- Rock band.

Chapter 3 ~Losing Through Gaining~

“It’s all my fault… I should’ve gone after him when he stormed out yesterday…” Toshiya said, sobbing on Kaoru’s shoulder.

“I’m sure he’s alright, besides, he stormed out because I lost my temper at him again…” Kaoru said guilty as he stroked Toshiya’s long blue hair gently.

“I think we should go back to the studio and see if he’s gone back there.” Die said rubbing his temple wearily.

The three of them had been searching all over the place for Kyo after Toshiya had called the two guitarist at 4a.m, crying that Kyo had not gone home after he stormed out of the studio in the middle of the practice yesterday. The small vocalist had had a heated argument with Kaoru when Kaoru suggested that they get this guy who lives in Kaoru’s hometown over to be their new drummer, since Shinya hasn’t got back and he’s probably not interested in rejoining the band. Kyo had flared up over the issue, screaming that he doesn’t want anyone but Shinya to be their drummer. Die was so confused, he wished he could be as insistent as Kyo, but he knew that Kaoru meant well. So when Kyo demanded why Die was keeping quiet about getting someone else as a drummer, all Die could do was to ask Kyo to calm down, when Die was really torn apart inside… Die could feel Shinya drifting away from him at that moment of time. He felt so heartbroken, that he might never see the love of his life ever again, yet there wasn’t anything that Die could do about it. He felt like crying, yet no tears would come. And the next thing he knew, Kyo had stormed out of the studio after screaming “I hate all of you! Shinya would be so disappointed! Especially you, Ando Daisuke! I thought you cared for Shinya, but I was wrong! I don’t wanna see all of you again!” That was the last they saw of the vocalist and it made Die so miserable when he thought of the things that Kyo had said before he left. Kyo was right, Die didn’t protect Shinya like he wanted to… all Die ever did was so sit there and wish that Shinya would come back someday. He wished he could be as stubborn as Kyo, but he knew that without a drummer soon, it could mean the end of this new band. Die didn’t know how to choose, but he knew he couldn’t be selfish, that was why he didn’t protest again when Kaoru suggested the new drummer.

“Let’s go back to the studio, if he’s still not there, then we’ll try and contact his family. Maybe he’s gone back to his hometown.” Kaoru said calmly.

Both Die and Toshiya nodded their agreement and they left the café together after Kaoru paid for their drinks.

~ ~ ~

“The lights are on in the studio! I think he’s back!” Toshiya said happily as he ran towards the door of their studio.

“Kyo!” Toshiya shouted as he swung the door open and froze at the doorway.

“What’s wrong?” Kaoru asked from behind him and Toshiya looked back at him, closing the door before Kaoru and Die could look inside.

The two guitarists looked at him curiously as Toshiya broke into a weird toothy grin.

“He’s with a pretty lady.”

“Majide!?!?!?!?!” Kaoru and Die said in unison as anger began to build up inside the both of them.

“We spent the WHOLE NIGHT hunting all over the place for that little imp and he’s HERE enjoying himself with some girl!?” Kaoru said angrily.

“Ssh! You don’t wanna scare the lady!” Toshiya said, reprimanding Kaoru for being so worked up.

“Are they naked!?” Die asked curiously.

“No! **giggles** They are fully dressed.” Toshiya said as he giggled at how hentai Die is.

“Sou…” Die said disappointedly.

“Well, then let us in!” Kaoru said angrily.

“Promise the both of you ain’t going to scare the girl by going for Kyo’s throat the moment you get inside?” Toshiya said, folding his arms over his chest like a mother as he looked at the two guitarists sternly.

“Hai hai…” Kaoru and Die said, frowning.

“Alright then, here we go…” Toshiya said as he pushed the door open slowly, trying not to wake up the two people sleeping inside.

Before they could look inside, a yipping from behind the door distracted the three of them. The three guys stood staring at the little dog barking at them excitedly and before any of them could do anything, it jumped into Die’s arms, licking the guitarist all over his face.

“Pup… Puppy!?” Die said in disbelief as he stared at the dog who was busying welcoming its favorite bandmate of its owner. (^o^ Erm, let’s presume that Shinya brought Puppy with him for his practice sessions during his days with La Sadies…^o^”)

Then, the three of them looked over at the couch to see Kyo curling up on the couch with his head resting on the lap of a certain drummer. And Shinya looked so beautiful with his head resting on his own arm, which was supported by the arm of the couch. His other arm was rested on Kyo’s shoulder and his auburn hair was tied back in a ponytail with his fringe falling onto his cheeks as he slept.

Die couldn’t believe his eyes… The person he loves with all his life is right in front of him… His angel whom he thinks of day and night is sleeping on the couch, looking so beautiful and innocent… Die wanted to call out his name, yet no words would come out of his mouth…

“Shinya!” Kaoru shouted joyfully as he ran up to the bandmate they were all missing soooo much.

“Hmm?” Shinya opened his eyes sleepily, confused by all the commotion around him.

“So, you’re Shinya! Yoroshiku onegaishimasu!” Toshiya said excitedly, extending his hand towards the stunning drummer.

“Huh?” Shinya said blinking innocently at the blue-haired beauty in front of him. He wondered if he was dreaming, the person is so beautiful, so much so that Shinya felt a little ashamed of his own looks…

Rubbing his eyes sleepily, Shinya looked at Kaoru, then back at Toshiya as he tried to register the scene before him in his mind. Then, he started to look around the place frantically…

“Shinya?” Kaoru said worriedly as he looked at the confused drummer.

“Wh….where’s Die-kun?” Shinya asked as he continued searching around anxiously for the red-haired guitarist,

“Die?” Kaoru said, surprised at Shinya’s reaction.

“Ha… hai!” Die said, snapping out of his trance and rushed to where Shinya was sitting, with trembling legs that threatened to give way any minute. He forgot that he was still holding Puppy when he looked at the beautiful drummer looking all lost like he is in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar faces.

“Die-kun!” Shinya said happily when he saw Die coming towards him and stood up immediately to go to Die.

“Ittai!!”

Shinya looked down to see Kyo on the floor below him…

“Ah! Gomenasai!” Shinya said immediately, bending down to help the vocalist up.

“That hurts yo, Shinya!” Kyo said, pouting as he let Shinya pull him off the floor while he rubbed the back of his head in a dazed state.

He frowned when everyone started laughing, then felt anger mounting in him as he thought of their argument the day before. Angrily, Kyo stood in front of Shinya, shielding the drummer protectively from the three people in front of them as he narrowed his eyes and hissed at the two guitarists. “Get away from him! You guys don’t even care about Shinya!”

“Kyo…” Shinya started.

“Listen to me, Shinya! The both of them wanted to get a new drummer! They don’t want you anymore, Shinya! Despite all my protests!” Kyo said as he turned to look at Shinya, then back at Kaoru and Die.

“Sou…” Shinya was stunned… He felt so hurt, yet he didn’t want to show everyone what he was feeling at the moment, so he held back his tears as he looked at Die sadly.

“Shin-Chan, I…” Die felt so miserable inside. He didn’t know how to explain to Shinya why he didn’t stop Kaoru when the latter suggested that they get a new drummer. Yet he saw that hurt in Shinya’s beautiful brown eyes and he felt his own heart being ripped into pieces.

“You don’t even need to explain Die, you didn’t do anything to stop Kaoru yesterday! And give it back!” Kyo snapped at Die angrily.

“Huh?” Die said, looking at Kyo, confused. He just couldn’t think properly anymore.

“Come here, Puppy…” Shinya said softly and the dog leapt out of Die’s arms and ran to its owner. Bending down to pick up the animal, Shinya then took his luggage before saying “Well, I guess I’m not needed anymore… Sorry for not getting back, I thought I wanted to give everyone a surprise, but I guess I was too late? Sayonara… and good luck to your band.” With that, Shinya headed out the doors with tears falling down his beautiful pale cheek…

“Why ain’t you stopping him!?!??!?!” Kyo screamed at Die as he tugged angrily at Die’s shirt. “I thought you loved him!? I was wrong huh!?”

Die couldn’t react, he just felt that his whole world was crashing down and all his strength seemed to have been sucked out of his body as he crumbled down onto the floor, sobbing. Kaoru and Toshiya stood quietly staring at the scene before them. The both of them were way too stunned to do anything as they saw the strong Die crying like a child on the floor.

“Go after him! What are you doing here, crying for!? Go after him!” Kyo screamed at Die as he pushed the guitarist, trying to heave him off the floor angrily. But all Die could do was to cry… he’s lost his angel once again and this time, Die was sure that Shinya would never ever come back to him ever again…

~ ~ ~

Credits/words to say: Eto… hahaha, I don’t know why I had to make it so miserable for Die and Shinya… erm… okie okie, will make it better ne… and Kyo didn’t mean to be bad, he was just angry, that’s why he uttered all those words to Shinya… ^o^ **Sigh** I’m sooo sleepy now… 3am in the morning, I’m not longer thinking straight, so sorry for all the spelling and grammatical errors if there’re any… gomen! ^o^” Oh and thanks to VanillaMint for posting this on your web! Really appreciate it. ^o~

to be continued

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