FOLLOWER ~a spider's scheme~
Date started: 101101
Will you let me help you? Will you let me please you?
[a butterfly and a spider, tangled together in the web]
Kirito sat in the bed he and Aiji shared, gazing out of the
closed window quietly. The guitarist laid next to him, tumbled
among the sheets as he slept soundly. His right hand was curled
around Kirito's, and there was a small smile on his face even as
his eyes moved about rapidly behind closed eyelids, indicating
that he was dreaming.
The vocalist reached down with his free hand to caress the
guitarist's cheek, then snatched back his hand as though he was
burnt. His face seemed to blank out as he stared at his own hand
like it was a foreign object and not part of his own anatomy.
Aiji made a small sound and turned over, releasing Kirito's hand.
The latter watched him quietly.
Kirito closed his eyes and breathed deeply, feeling his abdominal
muscles stretch as his diaphragm expanded, then contracted. He
opened his eyes again.
"I can't love you, Aiji..."
"I can't fall in love."
The guitarist slept on, unaware of the monologue his boyfriend
"I won't love you."
Kirito got off from the bed, still watching Aiji. There was a
small frown between his eyebrows, but he was not aware of it. His
hand reached over again to touch Aiji and Kirito allowed it, for
the very last time. There would be no more chances for it to
touch Aiji again after that. He would not permit himself to be
there; to look at Aiji and appreciate the other. To feel the urge
to hold him in his arms. Ever since he started dating Aiji about
a year ago, he was never the initiator when it came to doing
intimate things together. He would be waiting for Aiji to make
the first move- the request -a tentative touch on his shoulder, a
light brush across his face with trembling fingertips. Or a soft
voice, barely audible, which breathed into his ear gently.
"You are just a toy..."
Kirito bowed his head, even as his thumb stroked Aiji's cheekbone
"My toy. My butterfly..."
"The spider never loved the butterfly."
"I can't love toys..."
"And you are my toy..."
"So I can't love you."
"I can't love..."
"This feeling..." Kirito shivered, then pulled back his hand and
wrapped his arms around himself tight.
"It's not right."
"It's not love."
"It's... a lie."
"I'm just deluded... for the moment."
"I am not in love with you."
He turned and left the room, gently closing the door behind him.
The vocalist sat down on the living room couch, and looked around
slowly. His attention was finally caught by the knife in the
fruit basket. While picking up the object carefully, Kirito
raised his right palm, where a faint scar ran across it. It was a
fragment of the memories he had of that day... the day where Aiji
tried to save him from an oncoming car and was nearly killed
He pressed the sharp blade against the scar, watching the soft
flesh yield under it. A trickle of red surfaced. Kirito watched
on dispassionately as the trickle grew and covered his palm
entirely. He tipped his hand and watched the blood flow onto his
slacks, staining them red.
"I hate love."
End: Part III.I
Date completed: 101101
Last revised: 201101
~to be continued~
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