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FOLLOWER ~a spider's scheme~
by
Jennifier D.

Date started: 101101



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Will you let me help you? Will you let me please you?
[a butterfly and a spider, tangled together in the web]
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Part III.I:


Kirito sat in the bed he and Aiji shared, gazing out of the 
closed window quietly. The guitarist laid next to him, tumbled 
among the sheets as he slept soundly. His right hand was curled 
around Kirito's, and there was a small smile on his face even as 
his eyes moved about rapidly behind closed eyelids, indicating 
that he was dreaming.

The vocalist reached down with his free hand to caress the 
guitarist's cheek, then snatched back his hand as though he was 
burnt. His face seemed to blank out as he stared at his own hand 
like it was a foreign object and not part of his own anatomy.

"No..."

Aiji made a small sound and turned over, releasing Kirito's hand. 
The latter watched him quietly.

Kirito closed his eyes and breathed deeply, feeling his abdominal 
muscles stretch as his diaphragm expanded, then contracted. He 
opened his eyes again.

"No."

"I can't love you, Aiji..."

"I can't fall in love."

The guitarist slept on, unaware of the monologue his boyfriend 
was having.

"I..."

"I won't love you."

Kirito got off from the bed, still watching Aiji. There was a 
small frown between his eyebrows, but he was not aware of it. His 
hand reached over again to touch Aiji and Kirito allowed it, for 
the very last time. There would be no more chances for it to 
touch Aiji again after that. He would not permit himself to be 
there; to look at Aiji and appreciate the other. To feel the urge 
to hold him in his arms. Ever since he started dating Aiji about 
a year ago, he was never the initiator when it came to doing 
intimate things together. He would be waiting for Aiji to make 
the first move- the request -a tentative touch on his shoulder, a 
light brush across his face with trembling fingertips. Or a soft 
voice, barely audible, which breathed into his ear gently.

"You are just a toy..."

Kirito bowed his head, even as his thumb stroked Aiji's cheekbone 
tenderly.

"My toy. My butterfly..."

"Aiji..."

"The spider never loved the butterfly."

"The spider..."

"...ate it."

"I can't love toys..."

"And you are my toy..."

"So I can't love you."

"I can't love..."

"This feeling..." Kirito shivered, then pulled back his hand and 
wrapped his arms around himself tight.

"It's not right."

"It's not love."

"It's... a lie."

"I'm just deluded... for the moment."

"I am not in love with you."

He turned and left the room, gently closing the door behind him. 
The vocalist sat down on the living room couch, and looked around 
slowly. His attention was finally caught by the knife in the 
fruit basket. While picking up the object carefully, Kirito 
raised his right palm, where a faint scar ran across it. It was a 
fragment of the memories he had of that day... the day where Aiji 
tried to save him from an oncoming car and was nearly killed 
instead.

He pressed the sharp blade against the scar, watching the soft 
flesh yield under it. A trickle of red surfaced. Kirito watched 
on dispassionately as the trickle grew and covered his palm 
entirely. He tipped his hand and watched the blood flow onto his 
slacks, staining them red.

"I hate love."


End: Part III.I


Date completed: 101101
Last revised: 201101

~to be continued~

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