jennifier-a spider's scheme

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FOLLOWER ~a spider's scheme~
by
Jennifier D.


Date started: 201101

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When the reason is the reason for the reason
[eyes that watch the struggle but can't help]
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Part IV.II:


[Jun]

I'm... I'm so scared. I'm scared that Kirito won't wake up. I'm
scared that when Kirito doesn't wake up, Kohta will lose himself.
I'm so afraid...

There are so many things which I'm afraid of. But the thing that
causes the most fear in me is Kohta's obsession to understand his
own brother. I know that the two of them are close... in a rather
strange manner. Kirito doesn't really feel affection for people.
To him, it's either you are there or you're not there. You can't
expect too much from him.

He doesn't like being associated with people.

He has always been a loner, a person who decides to do things and
get around doing them.

That was why, when he decided to become a vocalist, he did
succeed, eventually.

That is also why, when he started dating Aiji, everyone is
surprised.

I afraid for Kohta... he has told me before, since he's a kid, he
has always been pursuing a dream. The dream is to achieve
whatever his brother has achieved. The goal is to understand the
eccentric man who grew up with him.

I can understand his affection for his brother... after all, he
has only Kirito as his brother. Any younger sibling will always
look up to the older one, regardless of how strange the latter
is.

Yet, I can also see that he doesn't understand him.

At least... not in the way Aiji does. And I understand how Aiji
feels, because I'm in the same position as him. I'm in love with
a man whose ambitions are more important than his own lover. I'm
in love with a man who puts his career before his love life.

But I don't mind...

Sometimes, when I see Aiji sitting in the studio with that lost
look on his face while Kirito throws a tantrum, I actually feel
sad for him. Kirito hardly expresses emotions... so when he is
angry, it gets really scary. Nobody dares to stop him, except for
Kohta, who is already used to all that Kirito does.

Even Takeo is forced to watch him from a corner of the room
quietly.

I... I want to help Kirito.

So that he can help himself.

So that he can help Kohta...

I really don't want to lose him. He's so important to me... so
important. But so selfish at the same time. But- but it doesn't
matter, so long as he is with me. I only need him by my side...
that's all I need.

Do you know how I feel, Kohta?

Can you feel this heart crying together with you?

I love you... and please, don't ever make me lose you.

Please don't ever leave me.

Even should Kirito falter...

...don't falter together with him.

Because I'll be here.

So come to me when you feel that you can't take it anymore. Come
back to me.

I'll always be here... always here...

...simply waiting for you.


End: Part IV.II


Date completed: 201101
Last revised: 1101


~to be continued~

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