Silent Reverie

by Krystal-chan


Kaoru suddenly jolted up, knocking the chair backwards as he stood, eyes wide in amazement as he stared at Die. Tears continued to roll down his cheeks and he hastily wiped them away with the back of his right hand. He blinked twice then went to Die, pulling the chair up next to him, bowing his head.
“Die, I am so-”
“-Daijoubou. It’s okay. Really. It wasn’t your fault. This…wasn’t your fault,” Die smiled slightly. “It was my own.”
“But why did you-”
“-Please don’t ask me that right now. In time.” Die whispered, his eyes pools of pain.
“I…I have to call Shinya.” Kaoru suddenly said, turning and walking out of the room as he pulled his mobile phone out.
For a moment or two, Die lay in a numb stupor, then he suddenly realized that Kaoru was calling Shinya. Shinya who hated him, Shinya who he declared his love for and must have terribly embarrassed in that abominable letter of his… Shinya who probably hated him even more now than ever. Die began to panic. Kaoru came back in the room, pocketing the phone. A nurse trailed in after him. Quickly, Die closed his eyes and feigned sleep again. He let her check his vitals.
“He seems to be sleeping, sir. Ando-san? Ando-san? Can you hear me? Nikkura-san, he doesn’t seem to be conscious. You must be exhausted, you probably imagined it.” The nurse’s voice was soft, understanding.
“You really shouldn’t be overworking yourself. Consider going home, ne? Get some rest. Your friend will be fine.” The sound of retreating footsteps could be heard.
“Why’d you do that?” Kaoru’s voice seemed annoyed.
“I didn’t want to deal with her. Is that so bad? They’re going to ask questions.” Die opened his eyes and turned his head slightly to look at Kaoru. His whole body ached, and he winced. Kaoru’s expression softened, and he sighed. An awkward silence filled the room.
“Shinya’s on his way.” Kaoru said softly, filling the silence.
“I know. Why? He doesn’t care.” Die was bitter, and he spat the last three words out as if it were acid upon his tongue. Kaoru raised his eyebrows, then furrowed them into a frown.
“What do you mean he doesn’t care? Are you out of your mind? Die, out of all of us, blood family included, he was the only one who stayed up all day and all night and sat right there, by your side, waiting for you to wake.” Kaoru shook his head in silent resignation, then sat down in the chair.
“Maybe he just wanted to see if I would die.”
“You know, I don’t want to listen to this right now. Let’s not argue about this. You wait to talk to him yourself. You know, you missed some pretty funny shit.” Kaoru abruptly changed the subject, feeling the need to stop any sort of conflict before it arose. It seemed to be working. Die was looking at him, somewhat smiling, a curious expression upon his face.
“Well, what is it? Tell me.”
“Well, while we were waiting, Kyo fell asleep on one of the couches. And you see, he was wearing this…white garb. So, he looked like a patient who was asleep in a chair. A nurse came by, and the orderlies had him strapped down on one of them…rolling cot…ano…those… stretcher, yes that’s the word. And then he woke up, and he started screaming, ‘Do you know who I am? Let go of me! I’m not a patient!’. Well, the more he screamed, the more they believed that he was mental. So, they started wheeling him down to the psychiatric ward. See, everyone was somewhere else at that time, so we didn’t know what was going on until he started yelling, ‘I’M KYO FROM DIR EN GREY! I’LL SUE YOU IF YOU DON’T STOP THIS HARRASSMENT! HELP! KAORU! SHINYA! TOTCHI! THEY’RE KIDNAPPING ME!’ The nurse almost gave him a tranquilizer until Toshiya came running over, apologizing, explaining that Kyo was simply very bad tempered and had a tendency to wear odd things and fall asleep anywhere. Oh, gods, it was…quite a break from all that had happened.” Kaoru chuckled. Die stared at him blankly, then suddenly burst out laughing, his eyes sparkling with amusement. Then he winced in pain, and he stopped laughing as tears sprang to his eyes. He bit hard on his lower lip, forcing them back. He’d take it like the man that he was. Kaoru’s happy expression automatically turned into one of worry when he saw the expression of pain etched across the red-head’s face.
“Gomen…I didn’t mean for that to hurt you. Are you okay?” Kaoru glanced about the room, uncertain as to whether or not he should fetch a nurse. Die looked up at him and managed to smile. Suddenly, the door flew open, and something flew into the room at such speed that the figure fell into Kaoru. Looking down, Kaoru realized that this figure was Shinya. Laughing, he helped Shinya up and stood up from his seat, brushing himself off.
“Even now, you’re still a klutz, ne?” Die remarked quietly, a smile playing upon his lips.
“Baka.” Shinya muttered, obviously glad to see that Die was awake, but frustrated that the first thing Die did when he saw him was tease him. Well, if this was Die’s way of flirting, he’d have to change that. Kaoru saw the expression on Shinya’s face and he smiled, leaning over the bed to press his lips against Die’s forehead before turning.
“Take care of him, Shin-chan.” Kaoru disappeared out the door. Die looked after him desperately, panicking. He was alone with Shinya. Dark oculars slowly traveled up tentatively to meet soft dark chocolate ones. He observed Shinya with silent trepidation, unsure of what would occur, scared of what he thought might. Shinya had taken a seat in the hospital chair next to him and was slipping his soft black jacket off of his slight shoulders. He pulled off the hat and dropped it on the table, letting auburn locks tumble down to his shoulders. The chair made a ghastly squeaking noise as he slid it towards Die, who winced at the sound.
“Sumimasen! Are you okay?” Shinya’s soft hand instantly reached out to grab his, patting it reassuringly. Die’s eyes went wide as he glanced down, then back up at Shinya.
“I’m, I’m fine. It’s okay.” Die smiled softly. Shinya was here. His angel. The light of his world. Shinya didn’t hate him. He didn’t hate him.
“No, it’s not okay.” Shinya said quietly.
“It’s not?”
”It’s not okay because you’re in here. Like this. Because you tried to do…this to yourself. Because you loved me and you tried to do this. Because you mistook me for a pretty doll with no emotions.” Shinya said sharply, swallowing as he glanced at the wall, etched with cracks, then back at Die.
“I didn’t think you didn’t have emotions…”
“Then why didn’t you think of what I might go through if you actually died?”
“Shinya, I thought you hated me.”
“I could never hate you. Oh, believe me, I tried. I tried, and I tried to hate you. I tried to hate you with all my soul, with every fiber of me, I tried. But let me tell you, I failed miserably.” Shinya felt as if his heart would stop, it was beating so fast. As he gazed for the first time with understanding into the eyes of the man he had always loved from afar, he felt as if he was surely starting to melt into an indistinguishable mess on the linoleum hospital floor.
“You…didn’t?” Die whispered. Images flittered before his mind. The memories a voice gently speaking to him, putting a cup to his lips, comforting him. The brief image of auburn hair. Shinya. “You really stayed here…”
“I couldn’t bring myself to leave. I was so worried that you may wake up and be scared because you were alone. Or that …something might happen, and I wasn’t here to be with you…” Shinya’s face suddenly fell and tears clouded his sight. Die couldn’t take this anymore. Tears, too many tears. He forced himself up, and leaning over the bed, he gently brought up a bandaged arm and with his fingers, he brushed away the falling droplets of sorrow.
“No more tears.” He tugged Shinya gently towards him, and kissed his forehead, then each cheek, the taste of the tears settling on his tongue before he bent his head down to let his lips meet Shinya’s in a kiss so tantalizing sweet that the world seemed to have died away and nothing was left except for them in a stupor of warmth and silent happiness.


to be continued

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