Title:  Do You Miss Me?
Author:  Malia Sabishisa  (visit my site!  Jrock Cage )
Explanation:  This is my first Malice Mizer fic so some one please comment!!  Flashbacks are in between ~ … ~.  The story centers on Mana reminiscing about his relationship with Gackt.  I’m not sure if you’d call it angst though…
Warnings:  yaoi, slightly angst (maybe more than slightly?)


I visited Kami’s grave this morning.  I found another ----- rose…. Kami’s favorite color.  There’s a new one every month, lying on the headstone.  I often wonder if you put it there.  The others swear they aren’t doing it, and you two were so close.  I was sometimes jealous of the relationship you shared.  I never could hide it and you always assured me that you loved me more than the universe itself.

~  “Mana, why are you upset with me,” Gackt asked again for the millionth time in five minutes.  Mana had been giving him the cold shoulder since yesterday when Gackt came back from the baseball game with Kami. 

Mana didn’t reply.  He glanced over at Kozi who smiled.  He knew about Mana’s little silent treatments towards Gackt.  “Gackt, he’s mad about you and Kami again.  How many times am I gonna have to interpret his tantrums for you?”

“I’m not having a tantrum,” Mana said quietly, looking back down at the floor. 

Gackt sighed and plopped himself down in Mana’s lap.  “Not that again, Hime-chan!  I thought we went over that already.  Kami’s my best friend and you don’t like baseball games anyway!” 

Mana blushed and glanced up at Kozi.  Getting the picture, Kozi excused himself, leaving the two lovers alone.  Mana glanced briefly up at Gackt, then back down to the floor again.  “But last night….  You didn’t want me…”

Gackt giggled and poked Mana in the ribs.  “Silly!  I was tired.  We had that rehearsal and then the game went into over time and I practically had to fight that baseball from the guy beside me for Kami.  And then I had to go over to Yu~ki’s and help him get that new whatcha-ma-call-it hooked up.  I could barely move by the time I got in bed.  Buuuut…. if you really need it that much… I want you now.”

Mana cheeks burned red. “Gackt, don’t tease me!”

“I’m not!”  Gackt put his fingers under Mana’s chin, making him look up into Gackt’s brown eyes.  “I’m completely serious.”  He dipped his head slightly, barely touching his lips to Mana’s in a soft kiss. ~

I don’t let myself think about you much anymore.  It’s just not worth the pain it brings me.  I picked up the rose and stared at it.  Kami would have loved this rose.  I pressed my lips to the lightly dew-covered petals and put it back on the headstone.  I wondered if you’d come again and notice the blue lipstick on it.  I wondered if it would make you miss me…


I saw a picture of you in a magazine.  I sat there in the store, staring at the glossy cover like an estranged fool.  Your name was almost as big as the title of the magazine itself.  That didn’t really surprise me though.  You really were the Prince of Japan.  I noticed that you’d dyed your hair blonde.  So blonde, it looked white.  ….  I remember how you used to tell me I was gorgeous in white.

~ “Is that what you’re wearing to the photo shoot,” Gackt asked in disbelief.  He gawked at Mana as the he came through the doorway.

Mana blushed deeply.  “Hai…. I was going to.  Is there something wrong with it?”  He glanced down at himself uncomfortably.  His white satin dress was still smooth and unwrinkled.  With his hands down by his sides, only the very tips of his fingers touched his bowlace-stockinged thighs.  The tall white Mary Janes were clean.  Everything seemed to be as it should.  He glanced up at Gackt for an explanation.  He blushed again at the lecherous grin on Gackt’s face.

“Not at all.  You’re absolutely gorgeous Hime-chan.  I love the way you look in white.”  Gackt stood up and hugged Mana from behind.  “Ai shiteru.”

Mana smiled.  “Ai shiteru,” he whispered back quietly, then squealed as Gackt spun him around and crushed their lips together.  “Gackt,” Mana gasped when the other man’s lips trailed to his neck, “Not now!  We’ve only got a few minutes until the shoot and you’ll wrinkle my dress and – oh god.”  Mana’s protests stopped when Gackt dropped to his knees in front of Mana, impatiently pushing the folds of his dress up and out of the way.  Gackt pulled Mana’s underwear down to his ankles and wrapped his hand around Mana’s erection, pumping slowly.

“I love you, Mana,” he said again, holding Mana’s eyes with his own.  Mana could only moan softly in response.  He cried out Gackt’s name as his warm mouth took him in, sucking lightly.  Mana whimpered at the slow torture and tangled his hands in Gackt’s hair.  Gackt cirled his tongue around Mana’s member then began to suckle lightly on his head, enjoying the soft pants and whimpers coming from Mana’s throat.  Mana’s grip on Gackt’s hair tightened in a silent plea.  Grinning, Gackt turned his head and nipped roughly at Mana’s pale thighs.  Mana’s knees almost collapsed from under him.

“Please Gackt,” he gasped, holding his dress out of the way with the one hand not tangled in Gackt’s hair.  Gackt finally agreed and deep throated Mana, sucking on him until Mana screamed his name and came.  Gackt caught Mana in his arms as he fell to the ground and pulled him into a soft embrace.  He kissed Mana’s cheek. 

“Sorry about your clothes, Hime-chan,” he said, not meaning it at all.  “I couldn’t help myself.  You’re so beautiful.”

Mana nodded and turned around.  “It’s okay.  But what about you…”  Smiling, he pushed Gackt back until he laid on the floor. ~

I continued to stare at the picture, wondering if you would remember what happened next.  I do…  I don’t think I’d ever be able to forget.  I reached up and touched the picture of you, grazing my fingertips over your hair.  I missed you dearly at that moment.  Right beside the magazine was another one with Kozi, Yu~ki and myself on it….  I wondered if you ever saw pictures of me.  Did they make you miss me too?


I opened the door to my apartment, closing it behind me softly.  I didn’t bother to turn any lights on.  All I wanted to do was go to bed.  It was frightfully cold outside.  The weather seemed to get into my very bones recently and drain me of any energy I might have had.  I discarded my things on the kitchen table.  I used to fuss at you for doing that.  You’d promise to clean it up in the morning.  You never did.

I made my way into the bedroom, slipping off today’s clothes and pulling on a t-shrit.  No reason to worry much about it.  My room was cold also, even though I had the heater on high.  I sighed and slipped into bed.  Eveything was cold without you here beside me.  I was falling asleep quickly. 

I glanced up at the moon through the window.  You loved to watch the city at night.  I never bothered to cover the window when you left.  I’d grown to enjoy the nightscape also.  My vision blurred slightly and a tear rolled down my cheek, onto the pillow.  My eyes closed of their own will.  I fell asleep, whispering to the stars.

“Do you miss me?”



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