Title: Torture
Pairing: Kyo X Shinya
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: yaoi, maybe a little OOC
Author: Malia Sabishisa LadyDirEnGrey@aol.com
Visit my DEG Shrine!  Z  ~  A  ~  N


It didn’t take Kyo long to get extremely drunk. He had ordered one after another, ignoring Shinya’s warnings that he should stop. He’d lost count long ago on how many he’d already finished, and there were a few unfinished glasses scattered on the table in front of him. He wrapped his hand around the glass in front of him when Shinya suddenly put his hand over the top of it, holding it on the table. Kyo looked up, giving Shinya a drunken confused look.

"Kyo, stop," Shinya said, sounding a lot like Kaoru. Kyo giggled at the thought, finding it extremely funny in his state of mind. He slurred out something Shinya didn’t understand and burst into peals of laughter. Shinya gestured for the waitress to clean off the table and whispered for her to not serve Kyo anymore. She nodded and left with a generous tip.

Shinya stood up, holding his hand out to Kyo. "Come, on. I need to get you home."

"Ahh… forget home…I wa - wanna stay longa… Where’s the damned waiter…waitress, whatever it is," Kyo babbled. Shinya growled visibly.

"I mean it, Kyo. You’re trashed."

Kyo glared up at Shinya. "So what?! Go on if ya want. I’m stayin right ‘ere."

Shinya sighed. He could just pick Kyo up and carry him out…but that would cause a commotion and he didn’t want that. And arguing with the blonde would obviously get him nowhere. He was short-tempered and stubborn enough when he was sober. Defeated, Shinya sat back down. "Fine."

Kyo kept glancing around the table like he was looking for his drinks. He must have not been paying attention when the waitress came and picked them up. He drug his slow-moving eyes up to Shinya and stared at the drummer for a long time. Damn, he’s really hot tonight…never noticed that before.

Kyo hiccuped and Shinya rolled his eyes. Pretty eyes too… Kyo tilted his head to the side, still studying Shinya like it was the first time he’d ever seen the other man.

On the other side of the table, Shinya shifted as Kyo continued to stare at him. He was starting to feel weird under the vocalist’s gaze. Drunk or not, Kyo’s stare could make anyone nervous. Even Kaoru would back down from a fierce enough glare from Kyo. Shinya looked out over the dancers, at the bar, towards the door, at the table, anywhere but into Kyo’s chocolate brown eyes.

"Hey, Shin-chan…ya wanna dance," Kyo asked suddenly.

Shinya snorted. "You’re too drunk to dance."

Kyo smiled and stood up, swaying dangerously. "No, I’m not. C’mon…let’s ha’ sum fun."

Shinya folded his slim arms over his chest and stayed glued to his seat. Kyo moved to walk away, but stumbled, tripping over his own to feet and landing directly in Shinya’s lap. Shinya grunted under his weight, but took his opportunity. He stood up, holding Kyo in his arms.

"Ne, Shin-chan, yer getting’ mighty comfortable touchin me like thiss…" Kyo giggled insanely. "Neva knew you wanted to get so close to me."

Shinya ignored his comment and began walking to the door.

"Hey, where we goin," Kyo demanded, suddenly realizing they were heading towards the exit.

"I have a surprise for you," Shinya lied, hoping Kyo was drunk enough to believe that.

"Oh, kakkoi!! Hurry up then, Shin-chan!" Kyo went back to giggling as they walked out the doors. Shinya managed to get the door of his car open and place Kyo inside. He got in the passenger side and drove off. He’d barely gotten on the road when he heard a thump from beside him. Looking over, he saw Kyo had passed out and his head had landed on the window. That’s probably gonna hurt in the morning, Shinya thought as he made his way to his house. I can’t leave him at his place. Plus, he locked his door and I’m not searching through his clothes to find his key. He sighed loudly, deciding that Kyo could sleep on his bed and he’d take the couch. With any luck, Kyo would sleep off the drunkenness quickly, wake up, and want to go home.

He made his way home, and managed to carry Kyo up to his apartment and into his bedroom. "You’re heavier than you look, Kyo," Shinya muttered as he placed the blonde gently on the bed and wrapped the thick fluffy comforter around him. He stopped to get a blanket out of the closet, then fell asleep on the couch.


Kyo grunted and pressed the palm of his hand against his forehead. His head was thumping… Gods, what happened last night…and where am I?

Kyo sat up and looked around, not recognizing the room he was in. he lifted the covers and sighed in relief to see he was still dressed. Well, at least that didn’t happen…

He stood up, pausing to straighten his clothes and hair, then left the room. He recognized the house he was in as soon as he left the bedroom. Why the hell am I at Shinya’s place? Kyo glanced back into the bedroom behind him. Shinya never let anyone into his bedroom, no matter what.

Kyo made his way into the living room where he found Shinya asleep on the couch. The covers were thrown on the floor and Shinya was curled up into a tight ball. Kyo smiled. Weird as the situation might be, he couldn’t deny that Shinya looked incredibly cute like that. He picked the blanket up and placed it over Shinya, causing the drummer’s eyes to flutter open.

"Gomen, Shinya-san," Kyo said. Shinya yawned and rubbed his eyes before sitting up.

"What time is it," he asked, still half-yawning. Kyo shrugged in response.

"Umm…Shinya...can I ask you a question?" Shinya nodded and finally quit rubbing his eyes. Kyo glanced down at the floor. "Uh, why was I in your bed? What happened last night?"

Shinya raised an eyebrow. "You don’t remember? You got really drunk when we went out last night and I had to carry you out. Then you passed out in my car. So, I let you stay here until you woke up."

Kyo nodded. "Arigato gozaimasu. I caused you a lot of trouble, ne."

Shinya shook his head. "I guess you’re ready to go home now?"

Kyo paused before answering, remembering the weird visions he’d had before. He glanced down at the floor again. "Not really…"

Shinya stood up and placed a hand on Kyo’s shoulder. "Is something wrong," he asked, knowing already that Kyo was going to deny it.

"No, I’m fine."

"Liar," Shinya said, but didn’t probe any farther. It was useless and the only thing it led to was Kyo getting angry. He grabbed his keys from the table where he’d thrown them and followed Kyo out the door and to his car. Kyo rode beside him in silence. When Shinya reached his house, Kyo got up to leave without saying bye.

"Ne, Kyo," Shinya called before Kyo shut the door. Kyo leaned down and looked at him. "I know you said nothing was wrong, but….if you really need some one to talk to…I’ll listen."

Kyo was obviously shocked. Shinya was always rather…stuck-up. Kyo nodded silently. "Ja mata," he mumbled and shut the door. He had his keys in his door and was turning it when he decided Shinya wasn’t gonna be the only one to do something out of character.

"Shinya," he shouted, turning around and waving his hands to get Shinya’s attention. "Wait!" Shinya stopped about halfway out of the driveway. Kyo walked up to the driver’s side.

"Did you forget something," Shinya asked after he’d rolled down the window.

Kyo shook his head. "No. I changed my mind. I want to take you up on your offer to talk. You free tonight?"

Shinya nodded. "Sure."

"Good. My treat this time, ne. And I won’t drink anymore."

"That was really unusual of you, Kyo. You usually don’t drink at all."

Kyo shrugged. "I’ve been going through a lot. We’ll talk tonight, ne. Meet me here around 7?"

Shinya nodded. "Sayounara, Kyo-san."

"Ja mata ne."


At 7 o’clock on the dot, the doorbell rang. Kyo finally moved from his place in front of the mirror to go answer it. Shinya stood there in a long black coat, one with the collar and sleeves surrounded by fur ((fake, of course!!)) . He also wore dark glasses over his eyes, but Kyo could tell he had on makeup by the deep wine colored lipstick he wore. Kyo smiled. He obviously wasn’t the only one worried about how he looked. He’d hated to admit it, but he’d spent a long time getting dressed and doing his makeup. He wanted to look good. He’d went for a rather toned-down look tonight. He wore the jacket from the Jessica single over a black sleeveless shirt and leather pants. His makeup was dark around his eyes, but he left his lips looking natural, except for a few piercings.

"Come on in," he said, stepping back and holding the door open for Shinya. Shinya walked in, almost tripping over his platforms. Kyo grabbed him by his arm.

"Gomen," Shinya apologized, "I guess I’m still not used to wearing these things. Are you ready?"

Kyo shrugged. "You know, I really don’t feel like going out tonight. You mind if we just stay here instead?"

Nodding, Shinya began unbuttoning his coat. "Sure, that’s fine." He slid his coat off his slim shoulders to reveal thigh high boots that just touched the hem of a red skirt. His long sleeved shirt just barely showed his belly button. He pulled his glasses off and placed them in his coat pocket. Kyo put his coat away and they sat down at the kitchen table, sitting opposite of each other.

Shinya folded his slim arms on the table in front of him and leaned forward. "Are you really going to talk to me about what’s been bothering you," he asked.

Kyo grinned. "You don’t fuck around, ne."

"You’re very crude, Kyo-san. But, no, I suppose I don’t."

Kyo tilted his head to the side, studying Shinya for a moment before asking, "Why are you always so….respectful. We’re all friends here, ne. You don’t have to be so formal."

Shinya shrugged. "It’s just how I am. But you are avoiding the subject, ne."

Kyo grinned and nodded. "Hai. I just never expected to be talking to anyone like this. Especially not you." A hurt look crossed Shinya’s face, and Kyo quickly corrected himself. "I didn’t mean it like that, Shin-chan. But you’re not always the most…friendly person."

Shinya nodded a little. "You are still avoiding the subject." Shinya knew by now that Kyo had lost his nerve and was going to keep avoiding the subject…unless…

Shinya stood up and turned sharply, heading for the door.  He heard Kyo jump to his feet run to catch up with him.  “Shinya, wait,” Kyo called, placing a hand on Shinya’s shoulder.  “What’s wrong?”

Shinya shrugged nonchalantly.  “I have a song to write, Kyo.  I’m very busy and unless you are seriously wanting to talk, I’m going back home.”

Kyo jerked visibly at Shinya’s cold tone.  “Anou….I didn’t want to bother you with my problems…  I’ve never really ha anyone that would listen to me and I don’t know how to begin….”

Shinya crossed his arms over his chest impatiently.  “Kyo…”

“Fine…I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot, okay?  So much that I see it happen before my eyes.  Ya know, like hallucinations and things.  I see myself dead already.”

Shinya reached out and grabbed Kyo’s wrist.  “Nani?!  Kyo, how long have you been like this?!”

Kyo shrugged.  “my whole life, I guess.  But the visions were gone for a while.  They just recently came back.  They never scared me before but now….I don’t like them anymore, Shinya and I can’t make them go away!”

Shinya’s arms wrapped around Kyo suddenly, pulling him close for a hug.  “I’m going to show you something, Kyo.  But you have to swear not to tell anyone else, okay?”

Kyo nodded as Shinya pulled away.  Shinya slowly rolled up the sleeves of his shirt until he was showing his upper arm.  He turned his arm so that Kyo could see the multiple scars across his pale flesh.  “I used to be a cutter,” Shinya explained.  “When I got stressed, I’d cut myself.  My other arm looks worse.”

“But – how come no one ever knew?!  Shinya, you can’t hurt yourself!”

“And neither can you, Kyo-chan.”

“Why not?”  Kyo pouted and turned away.  He went to his room and grabbed a letter off his bed, returning to the living room to push it into Shinya’s hands.  “Read that, Shinya.  They’re right….  I just –“

Shinya placed his hand over Kyo’s mouth.  “You even think about saying what I think you’re about to say and I’ll slap you, I swear.”

Kyo’s eyes widened, but he remained silent. 

“These people have no idea what they’re talking about.  I get the same notes, Kyo.  And so does every other person labeled visual kei.  They just don’t understand.  They judge by appearances alone.”

Kyo looked at the ground.  “But my appearance is ME.  I’m not just doing it to look good on-satge.  I am what you see.  They’re right –“

Kyo was cut off as Shinya lived up to his earlier threat, slapping Kyo across his cheek.  The hit wasn’t hard, but enough to make Kyo gape at Shinya in disbelief.

“Don’t ever say that Kyo-chan!  These people mean nothing to you!”  Shinya ripped the letter he held in half, throwing it to the ground.  “They didn’t help you become who you are and I’m not gonna let you sit here and allow them to destroy you!  You’re too important!!”

“To who,” Kyo scoffed, kicking uninterestedly at the paper on the ground.

“To all the fans that look up to you and love you.  To Dir En Grey.”  Shinya paused and took a deep breath. “To me.”

Kyo looked up into Shinya’s eyes for the first time since he’d revealed his secret.  “Y-you?”

Shinya nodded.  “Of course, baka.  I’ve always admired you.  You’re so...brave and outgoing.  Not like me at all.  I’m shy and just kinda blend in with the crowd.”

“Oh.”  Kyo dropped his head, hiding the blush that had formed on his cheeks.  For a moment he had thought…..

Shinya’s fingers gently touched Kyo’s cheek, making Kyo look up into his eyes.  “Kyo,” Shinya’s voice turned soft.  “May I kiss you?”

Kyo’s eyes widened.  “N-nani?!”

Shinya stepped, letting his slender arms fall to his sides.  “Gomen nasai, Kyo.  I shouldn’t have.  I-I’ll leave now.”


++*giggles*  I’ll continue when I find the time.  Please, please, please visit my site!  The link’s above!  I’ll be getting more up soon.
-Malia Sabishisa++


to be continued

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