Running Away

by Mana Crystal

Pairing: Shinya x Toshiya

Comments: Song fic time...the song is Hoobastank's ‘Running Away' hopefully this one will get put up with in a few days of my sending it in. Very short, compared to my other stuff. Warning, large time skips and bounces between lyrics. :)

~~~

I don't want you to give it all up,

and leave your own life collecting dust

~~~

"You don't have to do this, you know...." I say for the fifth time tonight.

"Shut-up. I'm sick of hearing that every half hour." You glance at me from over the picture you're staring at. I shrug at your look.

"Well, you seem to completely put everything in your own life on hold, for me....and I don't want that."

"Well you're my friend....and I feel I need to help when you are having problems." you smiles. I sigh and look away. I feel too much for you. I don't really think you likes me much. I think the only reason you do this is to make Kyo feel like you're taking an interest in something other than drums. Kyo likes his men social.

~~~

And I don't want you to feel sorry for me,

you never gave us a chance to be

~~~

"Don't look at me like that! I hate it when you do that! I hate it!" I scream at you. I think I'm crying...but I can't really tell. You got together. Kyo and you. I was the last to find out. You four did this because all of you know I love you. You put off letting me know. Finding out the way I did...it hurts more then anything. You were sitting on my bed. My fucking bed. Making out. I told Kyo earlier to come over to my apartment and bring some movies. Told him I would be home around eight. I came home at seven. I walked into my bedroom. I hate it when you looks at me like this. Now you're watching me with that look, like you feel pity for me. And Kyo...he's just looking embarrassed. He knows. You know....

"Totchi..." You looks like you're going to explain. I scream and twist around throwing the bottle of alcohol at the wall. I can't throw it at you...even when you're doing this.

"Shut the fuck up! Shut the fucking hell up! You didn't even give me a fucking chance. Not one chance. Even though you know I love you! You're such a fucking bitch!" I scream at you. I know I'm crying now. Tears fall onto my hands. I'm shaking. "You could have told me that you had gotten together! What the fuck are you thinking! Kissing him, on MY BED!"

"Totchi...calm do-" now Kyo's holding you tightly against him, trying to get me to calm down. Calm down...what a joke.

"Get the fuck out of my house." It's just like that. Calm. I feel calm now. Everything in quiet. I know you both understand that a calm me is worse than a screaming me."

"Kyo...lets leave...he only gets calm before he does something drastic...lets go please..." You start crying now. I see your soft tears. I almost want to go and wipe them for you...

"Leave....now." I say this softly and stand at my window staring out at the lights of Tokyo. I feel all the rage building I feel it rising. I hear you leaving. The door clicks shut. I turn and grip my hair falling to my knees and letting out a scream that fills the silent room. I sound like an animal....am I dying?

~~~

And I don't need you to be by my side,

to tell me that everything's alright

~~~

I know he's watching me. Standing here, in the practice room. Kaoru watching me. I know Kyo told him what happened yesterday. He's watching me. And I'm waiting for his to speak. Die on the roof. You and Kyo are sitting on the couch. You're all three watching me. Kaoru may be Die's lover, but he knows not to get involved. I wish I was him.

"Totchi...we all need to talk." Kaoru says this firmly, like if he says it like he's talking to a child he's babysitting...that it will happen. That I'll obey his every whim. I say nothing. Let you three talk, I'm not listening.

"...everything's going to be alright....." I hear you say this and I turn I'm staring at you....you look so innocent. Now I'm crying. Big fat tears are rolling down my cheeks. I hate myself for crying....I hate you for making me cry. As Kaoru starts towards me I feel a laugh come from no where, and now I'm laughing. Hysterical laughs almost on the floor. No wait I am on the floor. On my knees laughing and crying and kneeling on the floor. I look up at you through my hair and smile at you. Laughing and crying. You look scared. I stand up and turn around, picking up my bass. I'm not laughing anymore. It scares you, so I won't do that. But I can't stop crying. So I pick up my bass and leave. I pass Die on the way out he wasn't on the roof, he was in the parking lot leaning on his car, which is next to mine. He stops me for a moment. I can feel your eyes, Kyo's eyes and Kaoru's eyes on us. He takes my bass away and puts it in his car. Then he does something that surprises me. He takes me in his arms. Neither of us say anything he just holds me, stroking my hair gently. He pulls away and wipes my cheeks softly, wiping the tears away.

"I'll drive you home." Die says and helps me into his car.

~~~

I just wanted you to tell me the truth

you know I'd do that for you

~~~

"Totchi...what did you expect from him? He doesn't love you." Die asks softly.

"I expect the truth. He didn't even tell me." I answer.

"Would you have told him?"

"Yes."

~~~

Why are you running away?

~~~

"I know you're avoiding me. Why?" It's been almost a year. I haven't stopped loving you. But, I think you've begun to feel for me. You run away every time I come close.

"...." You walk away. I want to cry.

~~~

Cause I did enough to show you,

that I was willing to give and sacrifice

~~~

Almost a year and a half. I cry at night. Did you know that. I stopped doing the things you hate. I stopped them for you. Haven't I given you enough? What more do you want? I sit in my room, on my bed and cry, and bleed, and cut myself, what more do I need to give you? How can I show you?

~~~

And I was the one who was lifting you up

when you thought your life had, had enough

~~~

"God, why do you do this?" You ask me as I move you to you're bed, you're drunk. He's gone. Kyo left you. I knew he would. Almost two years now since you began. He left you, he left me long before. So why? Why? I can't even believe you're asking me why. You don't wait for me to answer.

"I want to die. Totchi, I love him. I want to die." And I'm here. I'll leave before you wake up, but right now...this moment I'm holding you as you cry. And I'm going to sit and hold you till you stop. Now...I ask myself...why?

~~~

And when I get close you turn away,

there's nothing that I can do or say

~~~

I call you, I left you're home this morning before you woke. You invite me over and we have a drink. I lean close to you and wrap my arms around you. It's only to comfort you. And I know you understand because you close you're eyes and lean on me. We fall asleep like this. I wake up and find you still asleep I wake you...and you pull away and turn you're eyes from my face. I'm crying again. Fuck can't I get over this stupid thing? I leave.

~~~

So now I need you to tell me the truth

you know I'd do that for you

~~~

I pick up the phone and dial your number. You answer.

"Tell me the truth...."

"I love you..." Silence. I say nothing. You say nothing. We hang up at almost the same time. You love me. Did Die tell you that all I expected was the truth? Most likely. Did he tell you that I would do the same for you. I dial you're number again, you answer.

"I love you too." We hang up again after a moment of peaceful silence.

~~~

So why are you running away?

~~~

You don't look at me all during practice. Not even a glance. You're doing it again. You're running away from me. Trying to hide. It's working.

~~~

Is it me? Is it you? Nothing that I can do

to make you change you're mind

~~~

I dial you're number, I'm crying again, this is all I have, the phone calls to you and from you. It's been four month's. And nothings changed, you keep running away I never know if it's me who's messing up and if it's you and I never am able to ask.

"Hi." You answer, you have caller ID.

"Hi. Is there anything that I can say to make you change you're mind?"

"No." You say.

"I love you."

"I love you too...." We hang up. It's strange what we have. No physical contact. No words, face to face, other lovers....and love between only us. What are we doing?

~~~

Is it me? Is it you? Nothing that I can do

is it a waste of time?

~~~

Another month, like always I'm calling at exactly ten o'clock. It's always ten. Never before and never after. We always make sure to be free at ten. When it's you calling me, you call at nine. You answer.

"I miss you."

"Me too..." I reply. I think this is a big waste of time. I love you to much to let go.

"Is it me?"

"I don't know" I answer you truthfully.

"Is it you..." You ask, I hear the frown. I can hear what you feel now. It's been so long. The others think we hate each other...I love you...I fucking want to shout it at the top of my lungs...but I don't.. I love you...but I'd settle for a touch of the hand. We don't even look at each other, and yet...we have the nightly phone calls.

"I don't know." I hear the truth of you're words in you're voice.

~~~

So why are you running away?

What is it I have to say to make you admit that you're afraid?

Why are you running away?

~~~

"Why are you running from this?" I ask you. Almost a full year has gone by. Only phone calls. A year of loving over the phone. No. This isn't enough for me.

"I'm afraid..." You admitted you're afraid...now I'm afraid.

"But why are you running away?" It stops. The sound. I hear only silence. Nothing from anywhere.

"...."

"...."

~~~~~~Epilogue~~~~~~

My mobile phone's ringing. It's you....why? It's almost one in the morning.

"Hello?" I answer with a frown that I know you can hear.

"Open you're apartment door." You say and I get up, I feel my heart flutter. I pad to the door and open it. You're standing here. In front of me and you reach out and touch me gently on the face with the hand that isn't still holding the phone..

"No more running..." You say. I hear it from the phone and from you. Standing in front of me.

"I love you..." I whisper and take you into my arms.

"I love you too..." No more running.

~~owari~~

Comments: okay, um, for all three of you who actually read this..... thank you. Please send comments. I've never written in this style before. It's kinda choppy and I'm not to fond of this piece, but since I did it kinda late and while I'm tired that's only expected. I was going to make this a sad fic....but I changed my mind. :)

~Mana Crystal

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