mi-Happiness
Happiness

by Sakurai Mikiko

Part One – Hatred-

Note: umm…this is my first Glay fic, I got inspired by Mako-chan’s Glay fics…and also the kawaii pic of Jiro and Hisashi on Take-chan’s wall…^^ they looked sooo adorable!! Wah! Anyways…I better try and write this fic…^^

***

People always told me that if you love someone, you are filled with happiness. It’s a lie, I know it is, just like the other lie that people love to spread, "dreams come true" yeah, that’s another lie. If dreams came true would I be lying here alone, depressed, tears all over my cheeks and a half empty bottle of whisky next to me? I don’t think so, because this is certainly not a dream I’d ever want to come true…

I want that lovely dream of mine to come true, the one that occurs at least once a week… I love that dream, it’s so gentle, sweet and unreal, that’s why I want that one to come true. Because it never would, would it? What I love about it is how it’s so like manga, everything is black and white, and I can see me, a cartoon image of me sitting reading the newspaper at the table. Then for some reason I look up and your there, a serious expression across your face as you walk in.

I stop reading and just stare at you, as you sexily walk over to me, a sexy pout across your lips. In moments you are beside me, a gentle warmth against my leg and the something happens, I’m not sure how it starts. The chair scrapes across the floor loudly, but that’s not important, your leaning down as I lean up, somehow our mouths press together at the right time… Your arms slip around me and you tightly hold me as the kiss deepens…

Tell me the meaning of happiness?

*

Blue hair greets me, as I walk into the studio, it’s quite odd that he is here earlier than Takuro. His eyes coldly flicker over to me and then away again, ahh, typical Hisashi… It always amuses me how much he hates me. It’s not like I ever did anything to him to make him hate me, and yet he does, I can see it so easily in his eyes when he sees me… That icy gleam of disaproval as he looks me over with his eyes that seem capable of stripping me, but maybe that’s just my imagination?

But what amuses me even more is when Takuro scolds him for being so cold to me and he is forced to be civil, the expressions his face makes cracks me up, the fakeness of that smile and his words to me, "gomen ne, Jiro-san!" I feel like laughing in his face and kissing him. Oh don’t mistake me, not because I care for him, of course not! It’s just…well…I’d love to see his reaction, that’s all. I could never ever like anyone with blue hair…ever…

Hisashi looks incredibly bored and of course pissed off too. Why? I’m guessing it’s because I am here, he’s here and no one else is. He loves to walk in late, that snug supercilious grin across his face as he prances in, late, Takuro rolls his eyes and Teru blushes… He loves to be late, he loves to be the one not missing out on a single second of sleep. He loves to make us wait for him whilst he catches up on his sleep. I hate to admit it, but I admire him for it. Even if no one else does, I do, even if Hisashi does hate me. Who cares? I certainly don’t hate him!

What made him come early? Why today? Don’t tell me, no way, Hisashi couldn’t sleep? Hmmm…

"Hisa-chan…" haha…I love to see him cringe, I know he hates it when I call to him in that sickeningly sweet voice. Ooh…he’s looking at me now, icy cool eyes staring straight at me, if looks could kill, man, there would not be a single piece of me left…

"What?"

I can feel hatred boring into me, through his voice and gaze, but it’s relatively to shrug off. With a smug smile I turn back to him…

"Why are you here so early? Couldn’t sleep?" I teasingly say with a smirk pasted across my face.

"None of your business." He turns away glaring, and I can’t help but smile triumphantly, that hit the spot, definitely. Look at that glare, icy and cold enough to melt Teru’s heart for sure. God knows what Teru sees, but the grumpier Hisashi is the more he seems to adore him. Just plain odd…

I wish I knew what he was thinking…I wish he wouldn’t be so cold to me. What did I do to deserve his hate?

*

Jiro. A name that fills me with hate. A person that I hate so much, he stopped me from sleeping because…I couldn’t get him out of my mind. Imagine that, the person you hate the most in the world, filling your dreams with smirks and teasing smiles. More than enough to make me gag. More than enough to make me sick…sick to the pit of my stomach.

If spending a night thinking about him wasn’t bad enough, he naturally, I guess just to piss me off, had to be next person in after me. How shitty was that? Oh and by some miracle, Takuro had the nerve to sleep in today as well, where was Teru? Who knows? I swear Jiro must be psychic, he even knew why I was so early. How the others can stand him is just totally beyond me.

At least Teru is here now. He’s smiling as he walks over to him, sitting beside me and leaning in close. Ahh…Teru really knows how to cheer me up, he knows the right things to say. But it’s not working today, I can feel Jiro staring at me, his eyes flickering over me, what is his problem? I can always feel when he looks at me, maybe it’s because I hate him so much?

Ah I should stop thinking about him, it will only make me angrier and then I will snap for sure. Takuro has just walked in, god, he looks happy today. Don’t tell me? Could it be? Either he got laid or he’s happy that I am already here? Hmm…interesting…

"Ohaiyo Takuro! You’re looking pretty good this morning…"

Takuro grins across and nods his head, "ahh…you know…sometimes you just feel…really good!" he grinned and winked his eyebrows picking up his guitar and playing a few sexy chords. That’s proves it, he got laid for sure, no doubt about it!

"So who was it Takuro?" I can’t help myself, yikes…I’m beginning to be like Jiro, I can see his eyebrow rise slightly in surprise, even he is shocked. God…I can’t believe I can sink that low! But maybe I am getting a little overboard, and right now certainly isn’t the time to focus on that.

Little brat. His aim today is to piss me off. There is no doubt about that. Were does sweet little Jiro stand? Where does the little kiddy stand with his big and supposedly "cute" eyes stand? Oh yes, right there, right smack bang in front of me. This is getting ridiculous and out of control. Completely.

I should be happy. I have a great career fame and money and yet I do not feel happy. Happiness? What exactly is it? Does he know? Is that what makes him so smug? Oops…I must have done something, Takuro is looking at me weirdly… Teru is smiling that sweet tender smile he has when ever he looks at me. Maybe I should give him a chance? Maybe he can teach me about happiness?

*

Happiness. That’s one word that still manages to elude me. I think it eludes everyone. Is it even a human trait or just something those companies made up to make more money? If you think about it, happiness tends to last a very short time before it is swallowed up by…hate…upset…or something along those lines…

When was the last time I was even happy? Too far in the past for me to even remember. I mean really happy. Of course there was those times when I was happy for a few minutes because of some small incident, like getting a sweet letter from a fan. But that always fades away quickly, getting no fan mail or just the sky being grey…

Are other people like this? I know he isn’t. If I just casually look at him, its so obvious he is always happy. He is always smiling and humming to himself. What makes him so happy and me so miserable?

Can’t you just tell me what happiness is and maybe share it with me? I know I hate you, but that’s ok…that’s life. You’re just to happy for me not to hate you…

***

Owari.

Umm…it’s kinda weird, and I never usually write in this style so it feels really weird…like really really weird! ><! Aiyoh…comments?

Sakurai Mikiko.

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