kimi ga inai boku ga inai
kimi ga inai boku ga inai
boku ga kuru
The phone rang suddenly around 6:00 or 7pm, it rang 3
times before I packed it up.
“Hello? It’s me.” Your voice came from somewhere
unknown to me though the phone line.
“Die? Where’re you?”
“Still in the venue of the meeting ne, they said the
meeting have to last longer tonight.”
“I’m sorry, I think I can’t come over to your
“Okay, I understand.” I sighed, slightly. Here we go
again, you really didn’t have any time for me?
Die…tell me why? Why you have been so busy? When I
really couldn’t see any reason for you to be that
busy in that period?
“No need to apologize at all, isn’t it your job
right?” my tone was annoyer than I really was, but I
soften my voice then.“ Don’t work too hard ne…or
maybe you’ll get sick again.”
“All right Don’t worry.” You replied with a little
I laid the phone back to its place, then turned away
to glace at my small apartment. It seemed to be
another lonely cold evening again…without you…I
Why did you turn away your sight away from me so
often? Why did you ignore me every time when I wanted
to talk to you alone in private? How come? I’m so
confused…so worried about your abnormal behaviors.
Couldn’t you just tell me what’s wrong?
Aren’t you giving tired of me?
Die…can’t you see how much worrying I have since our
relationship began? I still keep on worrying a lot
long after you have accepted my love and me
eventually, or so it seemed.
Still I can’t help feeling that I wasn’t good enough
for you, nor I’m not the one you want.
Beside…I’ve heard some rumors among the students
recently…some rumors about you went out together with
Oh…stop it now!!! I shouldn’t think about those
stupid rumors! I should…I should trust you! Because
you said you loved me back then… oh yeah, I should
believe in you…
I can’t help smiling when the scene of our first
meeting floating back to my mind… I still could
picture it far too well…It seemed so long time ago…
You won’t with me tonight, so I decided to take a
walk outside…maybe for a drink or whatever…
Latter, in a pub…
“Hey!” someone behind me called into me suddenly,
causing me almost jumped out of my chair.
“hey~take it easy ne~young man!”
I turned and saw a man with black suit standing behind
me, who’s he? At first, I couldn’t recognize his
face, but I remembered the man’s name at the latter
“Oyasumi.” The older smiled warmly to me.
“Oyasumi…Mr Suzuki.” I answered him, but my mind
started to dizzy. Why he was here? In that little pub?
Didn’t he should have been in the same venue…having
a meeting…with Die?
“Having fun ne? but why you seem so surprised when I
called to you? ”
“Gomen ne,I think you’re supposed to be having a
“Meeting? What make you think we still have the
meeting? Our meeting’ve already over around 6pm ne!”
I shivered…what he’s talking about? But…Mr.Suzuki
had no reason to lie to me at all…so why Die told me
the meeting will last for the whole night?
“Ano…did you see Andou?”
“Andou san?oh…he left quite early right after our
meeting ended ne…before he left I asked him why he
seemed to be that hurry, and he answered me that he’s
going to meet a very important person…”
“Don’t you know? I can tell Andou was going to see
his lover ne…the expression on his face betrayed him
so totally! Hahahahaaaa…” the older one last a long
My heart sank. Whom are you going to meet tonight,
instead of me?
“You young people are all liked this ne, aren’t
they?” Mr.Suzuki, who didn’t notice my emotion
changing at all, pepped on my shoulder.
I didn’t make any answer, quietly I slipped my last
drink, then stood up and walked to the entrance, I
could hear Mr. Suzuki still murmuring something to me
on behind, but I don’t give a damn.
I left the pub.
A strange voice pulled my thought back into reality
again; I looked up and saw a young girl in uniform
stood in front of me. It took me a few seconds to
realize that I was in a store, but I really couldn’t
remember why I was there.
“You…you look a bit sick ne sir…do you need me to
do something for you?” the girl asked worryingly.
I stared at the girl blankly, then looked down to my
hands and eventually I understand what the girl
seller’ve been so worry about, there was a knife in
my own hand.
It seemed that I’ve been standing still here, having
a knife in my hand and staring at it for a really long
while, long enough to make that girl began to worry I
was nut or what.
I couldn’t remember how did I walked into this store,
pack up this knife from the shell, what was running
though my head while I was handing it in my hand and
stared at it. Maybe…I was thinking about hurting some
body…but who’s the one I want to hurt most in these
moments? You or even myself?
“Si-sir? Are you…?” the girl asked again shyly.
“No thank you, I’m fine.” I replied and as if being
bewitched by an invisible, irresistible curse, I paid
for the knife, put it into my pocket, and then walked
out of the store.
Oh…even now I still couldn’t understand why I packed
it with me…
Just not very far away outside the store on the crowed
street, I saw a familiar figure walking very fast
across the crowed. At this time, I recognized the
figure right away.it was Die.
As Mr.Suzuki’s description, Die was seemed to in a
hurry…but I could tell where he’s going.
Where’ll you go? Die? What the hell you’re doing
here while you were supposing to be in a meeting far
away from the city center? My blood boiled, and I let
it . Why? I try so hard to believe in you…still you
have to lie to me…
I saw you turning away, walked even faster…You’re
leaving…no…please don’t leave me…
I took one step forward, then another, finally I began
to trail after you along the dark street…I’ll
followed you…wherever you go I’ll follow you…I
don’t mind where your destination will be…I’ll
follow you…even to the deep of Hell.
To be continued…