Heavenly Creatures (songfic)
by Malice~Maizer

Pairings so far: KaoruxKyo
Warning(s): Deathfic, blood
Notes: Iíve been in love with this song since I first heard it on the
Macabre album, and this sorta popped up at 3 am last nite, and I spent
afternoon typing this up, spur of the moment ^^
and if its obscure, itís meant to be ^^
The first person is Kyo, then Kaoru
Ya know, this fic looks a lot better in Word, so if you want to see it
better, mail me!! Before Tuesday, that is, I should be packing, ya know
^_^;;  maís gonna be pissed!!!!!

pomegranate / zakuro

    a voice screaming out    your name/ koe wo dashite sakenda    anata
surely it will not reach you    my voice/ kitto todokanai wa ne   
no koe sae mo

why am I so weak?
I write, I sing, all for him
He is the midnight sun, and I am but a barbarian star.
I cannot live this life anymore

You fucking bitch

but    for now, I am okay/ demo ne    ima wa sore demo watashi wa ii no
someday    in my heart, you will../ itsuka    kokoro no naka de anata

No one will miss me, Iím only a liability
A waste of oxygen    a waste of life    a bag of flesh
He      wonít notice Iím gone
                          Not even Totchi will know I am gone

How could you? How DARE you fucking kill yourself!?
Were you truly so unhappy in your heart,
The magic of Christmas    itís tainted by your blood

tonight, too, I will dream    a dream of you/ yume wo konya mo miru wa   
anata no yume wo
beneath my pillow I placed    your letter/ makura no shita ni oita   
no tegami no sei
my dream is too cruel    my breathing interrupted/ yume wa zankoku
iki ga togire
always, at 4:30am    I awaken in pain/ itsumo gozen yojihan   
kurushiku me
ga sameru wa

I clutch the clean knife in my hand       the blade    is smooth and
I thought of shattering the mirror and cutting   myself with a shard
But that would be too long,  and draw attention
I want to die alone
I glance at the clock, 4:30am

Cutting your wrists, a poetic way to die
Iím staring at it           your clutching it even in death
It is dark with     your congealed blood
Dark blood stains the white sheets you lie on
Burgandy rivers and lakes     on a white desert

the time is too long/ toki wa naga sugite
the time is too painful/ toki wa tsura sugite

I pick up my black shirt    and cover my pale chest
Iím not wearing my favourite shirt, my sister likes it, so she can have
I donít care
As I pick up my knife     I see myself in the mirror
Iím so ugly
My short frame    my disobedient hair
And my eyesÖmy ugly eyesÖ
Why couldnít I be perfect? Like himÖ

Your favourite shirt   still smells of you
I clutch it to my chest tightly
I do      not cry    but I look at you
So small and beautiful, beauty preserved in eternal sleep
Your dark eyes are open   and you look peaceful
If I had told you how I felt     would you still be alive?

the dream will not stop/ yume wa tomaranai
my love is frozen, dead/ ai wa kogoete yuku no
on this cold evening/ hieta yoru
so, in this long night/ konna ni nagai yoru ni wa

The knife bites my wrist    as I drag it through my tender flesh
It hurtsÖit hurts so much!
Fascinated, I see my blood spray on the walls
And floor of     my room
I         quickly switch hands, and slice the other wrist quickly
Blood everywhere    it drips onto my bare feet
I sit on my bed and squeeze the wounds
The pain dulls     I feel sleepy
Kaoru I love you
You do not notice me     I am hideous
Dir en Grey will find another vocalist
They will forget me
My parents have my sister
They will forget their failure son

Blood everywhere
Your blood   is all over the fucking room
I would throw up    but     I had no chance to eat
I canít stop staring at you
Your beautiful eyes are    staring    empty and unseeing
They do not see me.     they do not see the others, or your crying
Youíre so goddamn selfish, canít you see what youíve done?
Shinya is holding a sobbing Toshiya, tears are running down his face as
Toshiya found you, you know, and he called me
Die is next to me    his eyes are blank       he is silent
Shell-shocked, he does not take it in     lost in the darkness of his
Yesterday you were alive      you came to my place
And you asked about true friendship    I answered
I think I answered wrong
Should I have told you my feelings?
My love for you    that I have felt for years
No one but you, Kyo

---my conciousness is torn apart/ ishiki gga chigirete
becoming tiny pieces/ konagona ni natte
my memories scattering/ omoide wo chirashi
your ring    I grasp it as tightly as I can/ anata no yubiwa   
nigirishimeru hodo ni
my tears soaking my pillow/ namida ga makura wo nurasu

I clutch the knife     All I have left to hold on to
I fall back and try to curl up
Iím so alone
Gaze is blurry    breathing heavy    heart slowing and breaking
I see my blood   crimson blooms    leaking over my sheets
My vision is  darkeningÖI feel death approach me

I leave the silent room
And pick up the phone
                        A pause                                             
I dial an ambulance

like I cannot hear    blocked up my ears/ kikoenai you ni    mimi wo

The morgue.
Itís been two days.
I stare at the name slot             Nimmura Tohru
I open the drawer, and unzip the body bag
There you are     cold and stiff    a blue tint to your lips
But youíre beautiful
Cold and beautiful      you used to be warm and sultry
I want to see you smile again

your voice../ anata no koe wo
the scar on my wrist/ tekubi no kizuato

Iíve been here for 10 minutes
All Iíve done is trace the stitching on your wrists
When you cut your wrist       it takes too long to die
I donít want delays     I want to see you now
I brush your dark hair from your cold forehead
               And place a kiss on your frigid lips
  I need you

increasing once more/ mata hitotsu fuete
melting into the wound    you/ kizu ni tokekonde iku    anata

I pull the gun from my coat       heavier than I thought
    Only one bullet    no mistakes
                          I wonít do it wrong
My thin fingers undo the safety, and I hold the barrel to my temple
         Donít run too far ahead of me Kyo
                                                 Iím gonna catch up
with you
I start to squeeze the trigger, and my vision is blurred and heavy, did
feel this way?
                 Ai shiteru Kyo

I am broken    the letter burnt    becoming ashes/ watashi wa kowareru   
tegami moyashi    hai ni naru
I am broken    my heart broken    becoming ashes/ watashi wa kowareru   
kokoro kowashi    hai ni naru

A tear dropÖthe body fallsÖthe gun slides from a hand

       Consuming love

I am broken    I lost you    I love you/ watashi wa kowareru    anata
nakushi    ai shiteru

Lyrics - Kyo
Music - Kaoru

return to deg fics pg 3