Prologue - A Stolen Moment
Toshiya stiffened. He had been standing up from the floor, having kneeled gracefully, fluidly, to put his bass away. The soft click of the latch danced across the tenseness of the room before he rose.
Kaoru was speaking. Speaking to him.
Toshiya froze where he stood. Kaoru stood not far behind him, from the sound of his soft words – Toshiya had believed Kaoru to be across the room, distant; Kaoru had, apparently, ghosted up behind him. As Toshiya suddenly became cognizant of the increase in their proximity, his nerves jumped and the ever-present tenseness of attraction between them vibrated.
Slender fingers brushed through his hair, stirred the long strands where they hung shimmering down his back. His breath caught as Kaoru pushed his hair aside, gently sweeping the indigo fall away from the back of his neck. It spilled over his shoulder, and he shivered at the fingers that grazed his flesh.
< This shouldn’t be happening... >
Toshiya should have avoided it, somehow – normally he did avoid it. Normally there was someone else left. Normally they weren’t left together. Alone.
But he was careless today. He took his time this evening, gathering his belongings and packing up after practice slowly. He had known Kaoru lingered, but he thought Kaoru would have kept his distance, left in silence – although he himself coveted and desired the forbidden.
< Forbidden and unforgivable... >
“Kaoru,” he murmured, letting his head tilt unconsciously to the side as Kaoru kissed the side of his neck softly, his lips a mere brush. Nimble fingers touched Toshiya’s back, slipped forward, and slid down his sides, a forceful caress tracing his slender figure, slim waist, and ending to rest on his hips.
Toshiya squeezed his eyes shut and bowed his head forward, wishing he could pull more harshly away. “Kaoru...” His voice was emitted as a moan, was tremulous. He tried to strengthen it. “No, we can’t...”
“No one’s here,” Kaoru said softly in his ear, breath warm, touch warmer.
< And it would be so easy... >
Toshiya wavered. “But...”
“Please,” Kaoru whispered. His voice was uneven, pleading, and it made Toshiya ache.
He submitted without words, and his thoughts of protest fled to the back of his mind. He turned his head, offered his lips to Kaoru. The guitarist claimed them eagerly, passionately, and prompted Toshiya to turn around, guiding the bassist with his hands still on his hips.
Toshiya melted into his kiss, his embrace, in that moment letting reality slip away. His obligations and inhibitions disappeared, and he clung to Kaoru with desperation.
< God... If it were only this easy... I want this so much... >
Their kiss, the press of their lips, was passionate bordering on violent. Kaoru pulled Toshiya against him, meshing their bodies together; body heat mingled. It was an embrace that existed almost solely in Toshiya’s dreams, an embrace he strove to forget and ignore upon waking.
< So much... >
He tangled his fingers in Kaoru’s soft, violet hair, losing himself and his breath in the sweetness and fire of their kiss. But inherent needs replaced the drive of their desire, and they were finally forced to break, gasping for air. But Kaoru only held Toshiya closer, if possible, and pressed kisses to his face.
He whispered to him in-between kisses.
He kissed Toshiya’s cheeks –
– his eyelids, lips brushing his eyelashes –
– finally returning gentle attention to his lips.
A whimper escaped Toshiya’s throat, he felt himself trembling in Kaoru’s arms. Thoughts he abhorred returned to haunt him.
< We can’t... I can’t... >
It was all he could do to not respond, to press his lips together and half-heartedly turn his head away.
Kaoru sought his mouth a moment longer, but when he felt Toshiya’s reluctance, he pulled away. “Totchi...?” he murmured.
“Please, Kaoru,” he whispered. “Don’t...” He almost choked on the words, and he felt tears threaten his sight. “Just... don’t...”
“Shh,” Kaoru hushed him, hearing his voice tremble. He stroked Toshiya’s hair gently, and Toshiya buried his face in the crook of Kaoru’s shoulder, unable to resist his warmth. They stayed like that for an indefinite period of time, Kaoru holding him, Toshiya seeking comfort that he knew he couldn’t have.
< If only this could last... Could last more than a fraction of eternity... >
Only two tears escaped, creeping from the corners of his eyes as he was pressed against Kaoru. He let them slide down his cheeks – where Kaoru’s lips had caressed – to disappear in the fabric of Kaoru’s shirt. He breathed a deep sigh, cherishing the scent of Kaoru, regretting – so much, too much.
“Why does it have to be this way...?” Kaoru asked softly, as he felt Toshiya shift slightly, in prelude to pulling away.
Toshiya pushed back, hands lingering on Kaoru’s chest. He looked up at him with dark, melancholy eyes. “Because... you have Shinya. And I – I have Die.”
“No,” Toshiya cut him off with a whisper, and finally pulled fully away, shivering immediately as contact was broken and warmth fled. “We... we can’t do this to them.”
Kaoru’s eyes shouted pained protest. Toshiya merely looked away, didn’t meet that pleading gaze, lest he lose his resolve.
“Oyasumi, Kaoru,” he told him softly. “Shinya will be waiting for you.”
Kaoru didn’t try to stop him as he bent gracefully to pick up his bass. Toshiya cast him a last broken glance, full of regret, longing, and things he couldn’t allow himself to say, and then crossed the empty, cold practice room, steps echoing hollowly.
Kaoru was a shadow that Toshiya left alone in the room as he slipped out the door. A new wave of tears threatened to rise then, as he stepped into the night which had never seemed so lonely, but with anger, sorrow, and cold resolve he forced them down.
As he walked to his car, he was too focused on the stinging in his eyes and the ache in his heart to notice the shimmering, eternally distant stars
... Or the shadow near the door, where moonlight glinted softly off of burnished, flowing, auburn hair.
to be continued
back to deg fics pg 3