by Niimura Takehiko
Nakanaide nakanaide taisetsu na hitomi ha
Kanashisa ni tsumazuitemo shinjitsu wo
sono mama no anata daite
Daisuki na sono egao kumorasete gomenne
Inottemo toki no nagare hayasugite
Tooku made nagasaretakara modorenakute
A couple of weeks later, Im at the studio, last one here again. Its getting to be a habit lately. Even Kaoru doesnt have any reason to hang around here as late as me. Not that I really have a reason either, its just that I have no reason to leave. The studio is starting to feel more like a home to me than my own apartment. Im playing my guitar, scribbling chords down. The one thing I can say for feeling like crap is that good work comes from it. Im sitting on the couch in the semi-dark, I never like to leave the lights on, because then someone might notice, and wonder why Im still here. I dont need to advertise the fact that I have no life.
Even Shinya is getting more than me lately.
The sudden touch of cold fingers on my shoulders and tickling warm breath on the back of my neck sends shivers down my spine. The hands take hold of me, turn me over push me down onto my back on the couch, and my voice is silenced forcefully before Id even formulated what I wanted to say. Lips attacking mine, tongue sliding past, searching out the hidden depths of my mouth. They taste familiar; the taste of tobacco mixed with something else sweeter, and just a hint of... lavender? I push against the chest hard, breaking the contact of our mouths.
He looks at me, but doesnt speak, just lowers his lips to meet mine again but I stop him before he gets there.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Shut up Die." He growls at me, eyes dark with something I couldnt make out. He kisses me, hard, and I find myself responding, kissing him back. There was nothing tender in the kiss, it was a battle, neither of us willing to submit to the other, teeth nipping lips and tongues. But it wasnt right. I had to know why he was doing this. So I pushed at him again.
I ask him, looking up at him. Somehow the moon is shining in on him, making his hair silver, he looks almost otherworldly in that frosty light. Then he does something I cant forget, I wont forget as long as I live.
He hits me.
Just like that. Slap. Right across the face.
"I told you already, shut up, Die."
Im shocked speechless. And yet Im not shocked. Not shocked that he would hit me, but rather, shocked that hes here, hitting me, kissing me, when he has Toshiya.
"Kao" And he kisses me again before I can protest, ask him what happened to Toshiya, and then I dont care anymore. He pulls at my pants, and I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out as they slide over sensitive flesh. Hes not gentle, he never was. Its always like this. Only now... but I cant think now, not with his hands and mouth on me. When he touches me, its like all the strength flows out of my body, Im as helpless as a newborn baby. He grabs me again, turns me over roughly, and then hes inside me, and it _hurts_, and I cant breathe because of the way hes got my face mashed into the couch. He doesnt seem to notice, sometimes I really wonder if he ever _really_ notices me, of Im just a convenient fuck. Im beginning to suspect the latter. Im struggling a bit, trying to breathe, but he just holds my hips still and fucks me hard. And then hes coming, and hes screaming out _my_ name when he comes? Although I could have sworn he was about to say someone elses name, but caught himself in time. Hes collapsed on top of me, still inside me, and we just like there like that for a few minutes, sweaty bodies sticking together, breathing hard.
"One word to _anyone_ about this, and youre dead..." he whispers in my ear, and then hes gone leaving me lying bleeding on the couch, with my pants around my knees, confused as hell. I cant move, Im too sore, but my mind is going over what just happened trying to make sense of it all. But I cant, it doesnt make sense at all. Its not like he ever really felt anything for me, even when we were doing this on a regular basis.
Finally I get up, pulling my trousers up, and limp over to the door. I can feel the blood and semen running down my legs, and I havent hurt this much since the first time he did it. Im nearly crying now, legs wobbly, and I know Im not going to make it home in this state. So I somehow manage to fall back on the couch and eventually I think I sleep, because the next thing I know, its morning and Kyo is shaking my shoulder, telling me to wake up.
The first thing Im greeted with in the morning is a red puffball on the couch. No one else is there yet, for once in my life I got here early, but I am a little surprised to see Die sleeping here, and in yesterdays clothes too if Im not mistaken. Somethings up with Die, but I havent been able to figure out just what it is yet. Most of the time hes just his normal lazy self, teasing Shinya and so on, but sometimes I see this strange look in his eyes. And hes never the first out the door like he used to be.
"O~I Die-kun, okite!"
He opens his eyes slowly, and looks at me blearily. "Kyo-kun?"
"What are you doing here so early?"
He looks at me, "I could ask you the same thing."
I look back at him, theres something hes not telling me. "Yeah, but _I_ didnt sleep at the studio. Whats up? Its not like you to spend more time than you have to here."
"Its nothing. I was just too lazy to go home last night thats all."
He hasnt moved at all since I woke him up, still lying in the same position.
"What are you turning into a workaholic like Kaoru now?! Hey, do you want coffee? You look like you need it..."
Ive got my back to him, making the coffee, but I can still hear the groan when he sits up. I look over my shoulder at him, but hes collapsed back into the couch. He catches me looking at him.
"Im _FINE_. Since when did you turn into an old mother hen anyway??"
"I am not worried about you... here drink your coffee and shut up."
I stalk over there and give him the coffee. He looks at me.
"I am nothing like Kaoru."
But the truth is Im not fine. I feel like shit. My pants are sticking to me uncomfortably, the blood and his semen sticking them like glue, and every time I think about it, I feel sick. I seriously need a shower. But weve got to practice and I cant let anyone see that somethings wrong or Kaoru will kill me. Well maybe not literally, but Im sure he can do a lot to make my life like a living hell. But the worst thing is, Im kind of happy. Happy that he practically raped me? I keep telling myself that I shouldnt be, the way he treated me, and cheating on Toshiya too, but there you go; in the end I cant deny it, Im fucking deliriously happy that he still wants me. But that doesnt mean Im going to let it happen again...
It doesnt make it right.
And I still dont know why Kaoru would do that? He has Toshiya, the perfect beauty in his bed now, and yet hes still coming and fucking me? And he hasnt touched me for over six months. It doesnt make sense at all.
Mi-chan: wahhh...I really like this fic but as you know not pt3!!! ><! Eeks! Guys!! Send Take-chan comments because she is so shy and cute ^^ *pats Take-chan on the head* firstname.lastname@example.org
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