nika-No Heart
No Heart

by Nika

RATING: A little tenderness here
PAIRING: Sort of KaoruXToshiya

Part 15

No Heart again and with some surprises, I guess.
Please enjoy this chapter, since the story is sort of coming to an end...
Dedicated to everyone who likes this story.

We left off, when Kyo confronted Professor Terachi with some facts of
Toshiya`s strange behaviours.
This is in the office again:

"So...", Kyo whispers after some long moments of silence. "What about me?"
His eyes rest on the elderly man sitting at the other side of the desk in
the cold light of the office.
"What do you mean?"
"Am I your subject of study? A thing?", Kyo asks, his eyes strangely void
of pain. Silence answers his question. The slightly insecure breathing
patterns of the older man serve only to assure his suspicion and the singer
leaves without another word.
He arrives at his small flat and feels like it's not his anymore. He
doesn't belong here, since it had been Kyo who lived there.
The rooms are dark and light would only bother him, so he hurries through
the twilight, to the fridge, gulping down some sweet, sweet Qoo.
He slumps down on his futon afterwards, fully dressed and his face covered
with yet another make-believe mask, like his flesh betrays people into
thinking he was human. Hiding the machine within, like Toshiya.
Poor oblivious Toshiya. He believed his own lie.
In a strange stupor he couldn't shake off he finally wriggles out of his
clothes and wipes his face with some tissues. He would look scary in the
morning, but that is unimportant.
Not many things feel important at all.
He draws the covers up to his ears and yet he doesn't get warm.
His cold empty futon wouldn't let him sleep.
Turning around the blonde remembered summers at the beach, himself so
small, his mother's gentle hands meant security to him. Bare feet on the
warm sand.
He longs to be a child again, untainted and human, his small digits
vanishing in the velvety vastness of a mother's touch. He could hold on to
that then.
What has he left now?
"Toshiya...", he mutters to his own surprise. But the cyborg is still
missing, lost in the greed of the band-leader.

Somewhere else in the always busy city Die looks at this mobile and shakes
his head. He wants to call Shinya but then again he know he shouldn't.
Without his make-up he looks like a normal man gain, tired too and yet he
can't sleep.
Pictures of Kaoru drift though his brain, a possessive hard Kaoru.
He dials the number of the drummer and waits for an answer.
"Sorry, but the number you're trying to reach is busy at the moment..."
comes the mechanical voice, Die raising a plugged eye-brow.
Who's calling Shinya at this time of the night?

Kaoru wakes up to see empty eyes staring at him, unblinking,
His toy is still in sleeping mode, dead mode, whatever.
"Toshiya, wake up!", he orders in a determined voice, but the robot still
does not react. Not a blink of his eyes, not a twitch of the face-muscles.
"Wake up!", Kaoru orders again, to no avail.
Toshiya stays inanimate and very very still. Frighteningly motionless.
The band-leader grabs his shoulders and shakes the slender, fragile-looking
body, repeating: "Wake up, wake up, wake up...." over and over.
The order just won't work.
Panic-stricken Kaoru dials the number of Shinya. "Sorry, but the number
you're trying to reach is busy at the moment...", also rings in his ears.
He dials the number of Kyo, waiting for the man to get to the phone,
finally hearing a soft: " 'Tis late."
Silence only the soft hiss of atmospheric noise.
"Toshiya is out of order", Kaoru urges with a frenzied voice.
A gasp then a sharp question: "What have you done to him?"
"Nothing. He just won't wake up!"
A tiny pause.
"I'm on my way." Then there is a short click.

Die dials the number he knows by hard a second time.
"The number you're trying to reach is not available at this time, if you
like to leave a...", he cuts the connection.
"Shinya....what the hell are you doing in the moment?", he mumbles into the
unhearing air. He sighs and leans back on his futon.
Suddenly there is a knock on his door.
"Shinya!", he squeaks surprised, when he recognizes the man standing on the
dark corridor. "What are you doing here?"
"Die-kun, I was trying to reach Kyo-kun, but he's not at home, his mobile
is off.", the drummer begins, but at once his eyes are blazing with
unrestricted anger.
"Why? What is wrong?"
Shinya bites his lower lip: "It's father. He wants to deactivate Toshiya!"
The red-haired guitarist is speechless for a few precious seconds, before
he bursts out: "No way!"
"He says Toshiya is malfunctioning and should be disassembled and studied
to avoid defects like his in the future." Shinya appears shocked, all of
his usual indifference is wiped away to reveal just how young he is. Die's
eyes are still uncomprehending, frowning he tries to say something
soothing, calming, but there is nothing he could think of.
So he just gestures to the young drummer to come in.
Shinya enters the tiny room, being the living-space Die is able to afford
at this time, with practice, a job he hates and his parents supporting him.
"He just can't do that", he finally growls when he pondered the decision
some more. Shinya shakes his head frantically, a frail bird fretting his
feathers, before he sadly says: "But that is how..."
"It's bloody murder!", Die argues.
Shinya suddenly bursts into unknown tears, hiding his face behind his
hands, shocking the agitated guitarist.
"Shinya...", he whispers, pulling the fragile boy down on the couch and
gently rubs the skinny shoulder.
"My father wants to kill him, Die!", the drummer sobs, soaking up the
attention presented to him. "He is so cold, so damn cold."
Die flinches when the word "damn" tumbles over the full lips of his band-mate.

This can't be Shinya, flashes in his head and he gets more worried.

"Shhhh, Shinya. It's alright..."
"No, it's fucking not alright at all! Don't you get it? He's going to kill
one of our band-mates!", Shinya's hands are gone from his face and reveal
blazing angry eyes.
"Toshiya is just a cyborg. A machine, you said so yourself", Die tries to
calm the drummer.
The younger man is silent for a moment: "What am I then?" He jumps to his
feet: "WHAT AM I?!"
Hysterically the drummer starts to laugh: "Look at me, Die-kun. Just look
at me!" He points towards his skinny frame, a wicked, evil grin on his
face. Die fears that his friend is going mad, when the drummer babbles on:
"I always tried to be a good son, tried to impress him, make him proud. But
he just took it for granted, he knew I would act this way. He simply knew
everything, because..."
Shinya's voice trailed off, sad, hopeless and far beyond solace.
"Because...he made me this way."
He kneels before Die and lifts his orange hair gently, reaching behind his
own ear, fumbling. After a few seconds he unveils a little opening, there
are little holes with "Input" written on them. Out of Die's mouth little
whimpers of terror and disbelief escape, his eyes huge. Yet he can't tear
his eyes away from the truth shown to him.
"You...Shinya...a cyborg?", he squeezes out with some difficulty.
Carefully Shinya closes his skin again: "No. Not like Toshiya at least. I'm
much older." He stands up, embracing his own small body with heart-breaking
strength. Then he seeks out Die's eyes, slowly speaking: "This is Shinya",
pointing to his forehead.
"He lives inside of this skull. This body is someone else, I don't know
who. Shinya's body died from leukemia at the age of nine. His father wasn't
able to accept the sickness and threatening death of his only son, so he
thought of a method to keep Shinya and even improve him. Shinya woke up
inside of this body and his father taught him many many things. Still
Shinya had his own will, own mind."
Die sits on the couch, wondering if he was about to fall into a black hole,
it certainly feels like he's drawn into one. Every word is dark and cruel.
"Stop...", he pleads in a whisper.
"So Shinya's father wanted to correct his mistakes."
"Stop, oh please, stop..."
"And he made the perfect son for everyone, he made Toshiya."
"Shinya, more...", no longer a whisper more of a prayer.
Shinya shrugs: "But since this perfect son is defective he has to be erased."
Die is on his feet and shakes the small frame of the drummer: "No more!
Stop!", he screams, tears falling from the corner of his eyes silently, "I
don't want to hear all of this!"
Shinya studies the quiet tears and the pained expression, sweetly tilting
his face: "I hate my father..."
Then he throws his arms around the guitarist, holding his friend so tight,
Die's breathing becomes hard. He can't even hug back, his arms are pressed
to his body.
When the iron grip comes lose again, he tries to catch the chin of the
younger man, lifting the angry and hurt gaze to his: "Sorry", he whispers.
Shinya laughs though his hurt: "Is that all you can say? I'm a machine."
"No, you're not. You are our Shinya, drummer, friend, stubborn prick and
arrogant as hell. No matter what your father says, you'll always be Shinya."
The younger man blinks a few times, then he utters a small: "Thank you,
Die-kun", accompanied with a relaxing sigh.
"And if Toshiya is as imperfect as you are, we simply have found the
perfect bassist for, haven't we?"
"I mean as imperfect as we all are, You, me, Kaoru and Kyo. He fits in just
Shinya shakes his head in an amuses way, but Die continues: "And there's no
way in hell I'm going to let anyone harm one of my band-mates."
Gratefulness spreads on the face of the drummer.
They sit down again, Die cradling one of Shinya's hands between his own:
"Don't worry, Shin-chan. Your secret is safe with me, I won't tell I swear."
"Thank you, Die-kun. I really appreciate it."
A mischievous smile spreads on the handsome features of the guitarist:
"Now, since
I'm such a heroic goody boy, don't I deserve a kiss?"
"Baka!", Shinya hits his shoulder softly.


to be continued 

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