nika-No Heart
No Heart

by Nika

thank you for so many replies on my little story.
As I said things are ending soon... My, this story is already over 32000
words long ^^:
Suggestions helped me greatly, thanks again.
Dedicated to pink spider, Doi Hachiro, VM, Ondira, Winterfall...and all you
out there still reading...

Out of every sorrow
Another day will dawn

Part 16

Kyo leaves the run-down building of his apartment block, his steps are
fast, he is almost running, carrying a heavy looking backpack. He looks out
for a taxi and when he finds one, he checks his purse and decides Kaoru is
the one to pay for the ride. After all, Kaoru is the one in trouble here.
Massive trouble.
The ride is uneventful, in Kyo's mind many things make no sense and his
feet feel cold, so he keeps silent. His eyes rest on his fingers, fold
inside of his lap.
Thoughts of losing who has just become a part of his life touching his
mind, but he chooses to ignore them. He ignores pieces of reason and voices
of madness.
Just get me to the only coherent urge that his mind, heart and
soul share.
The city looks like a sleeping monster to him, devouring him with its
lights and bars. An alien on the inside, a half-human stranger to his own
self, driving through the paths of this place crawling with humans.
When he asks the driver to wait in front of Kaoru's place, a voice behind
him makes nightmares vibrant in his head.
With his mouth in a grim line and cold anger burning like blue fire in his
eyes he turns around:
"Kisaki, long time no see", he says nonchalantly, "What brings you here at
this time of the night?"
"You." Kyo's former band-mate lights a cigarette and looks as if it was the
most normal thing in the world to simply appear out of nowhere.
"Excuse me, Sir, but I still need to be paid", the driver reminds Kyo.
Kisaki pulls out some cash and pays the white-gloved driver, Kyo is unable
to protest or anything since he is busy to keep his irrational anger and
hurt at bay.
The car hurries off and the two bygone friends are left in one of the
pulsating veins of the giant city.
"I saw you running out of your apartment and followed you", Kisaki
voluntarily offers an explanation, "This is Kaoru's placed, isn't it?"

There is no need for Kyo to answer, because the bassist knows it too well
himself. The little blonde keeps silent, his hands curled into fists, his
eyes wild and fiery. He experiences pain. Hip and arm burn from the inside,
almost like back when they were smashed. A voice is singing in his head:
Keep calm, keeeeeeep calm... it will pass. Tear out his intestines and feed
them to your battered ego. Rip off his face and eat out his eyes, cut out
his tongue...that sounds gooooood.

"So, is his little new toy here, too?" Kisaki's voice is pointed and Kyo
deems to trace some jealousy in it.
"Toy?", he keeps his tone steady and unconcerned.
"Motoi showed me your pictures today. Die en grey, huh? Pathetic."
"It's *Dir*en grey, Kisaki."
"So you do talk after all. This...Toshiya and Kaoru are all love-love?",
the red-head asks, contempt oozing out.
"None of your concern", Kyo states and suddenly he feels a strong grip on
his shoulder.

No, hands off! You'll hurt me! I know you do!
Wait! I'm psychotic.

Kyo panics, his breath is hearable, when Kisaki says: "He's really pretty,
this guy. Motoi said he was even more breathtaking in real life than in the
pictures. So, don't you think you should introduce me to my beneficiary?"
Toshiya! shoots through Kyo's head and the reason why he actually is
standing in front of Kaoru's apartment-block is returning to him, making
Kisaki appear like a bothersome insect, who he needs to swatted away.
"Well maybe, but he's much to precious to be spoilt by the likes of you",
Kyo says with an exceptionally sweet smile. Kisaki's grip on the singer's
shoulder grows even harder, more painful, but Kyo doesn't care. He wants to
see his child-friend-cyborg-futon-sharing Toshiya, he feels that he has to
take care of the artificial yet fragile being that he is, he just knows
that he must.
That he is the one who fits that role best.
Only to see that smile touching the designed lips.

"We were friends once..." Kisaki growls and Kyo raises his eyes to his,
dark and mysterious, sadness and freedom meet there.
"Friends?" Soft head-shaking, "If we have been friends, then friendship is
worth shit. We used together, fucked each other every now and then, true,
but does that go along the ways of friendship?"
A bitter empty sound escapes Kisaki's throat, before his hand lets go of
Kyo`s shoulder.
"I used you and you used me, that's all there ever was between us until
that day you threw me out of that car while being high."
The singer pauses, seeing the difference this moment made in both of their
lives. He studies the skinny body of the taller man, the need for food
probably still suppressed by the use of drugs. The eyes cold, on the inside
eaten up by jealousy and loneliness.

This guy could as well be me.

The bassist is angry and sad, fighting guilt and envy: "I was high, okay?
How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? I told you again and again, I'm
fucking sorry. So sorry, Kyo. Please, try to forgive me."

Kyo realizes that he does. And that brings him peace and warmth even if he
is still worried about Toshiya. His mind lets go of accusations and
blaming, frees itself.
Finally there is a chance that he can accept himself again, or even for the
first time ever.

"I forgive you, Kisaki. I really do. When you threw me out of that car my
life took a whole new turn. Thank you", the words are soft, almost tender,
the bassist is taken aback. Kyo takes the hand of the taller man and
cradles it: "Now go and find yourself a new life. Don't cling to the one
already gone. Go and become a great musician with a wonderful band of your
own. Don't ever give up, okay?"
"Call me sometime and Ill introduce you to Toshiya, okay? But not tonight."
Kyo lets go of Kisaki's hand, turning to enter the apartment-complex,
calling over his shoulder, waving: "Just not tonight. Goodbye!"
Kisaki sees the blonde mop of hair vanish inside the building, the bassist
experiences the feeling of total loss, before he had always numbed this
sensation with the golden light of injected happiness. Overwhelmed he casts
his eyes to the ground and lets himself taken into the flow of people,
carrying him away from this place.

Kaoru paces the small space of his apartment. The cyborg is still there on
his bed, naked. He is much to heavy for Kaoru and his frenzied mind to get
dressed. The silver skeleton being much heavier than bones, betraying his
lithe appearance.
Only a blanket covers the still body, the skin warm to Kaoru's fingertips.
But there is no visible movement, no sign of life... it scares the band-leader.

What the hell is taking Kyo this long?

The phone rings and he ponders if he should ignore the caller.

Could be Kyo though.

So he answers with a stressed: "Yes?"
"Kaoru-kun? It's me, Shinya."
"Shinya? Thank the heavens, I tried to reach you, but your phone was busy."
Shinya's voice was a little worried: "Is anything wrong?"
"Hell, yes! Toshiya is out of order", Kaoru prepares himself for a good
lecture about how to maintain humanoid cyborgs and practical suggestions.
But after a sharp breath there is only one word:
Kaoru is at a loss. How to explain? Overuse of his new toy? Not reading the
instructions carefully enough? The only escape he can think of is:
"I don't know... He just won't wake up."
Shinya is silent, then Kaoru hears a soft mutter, the drummer probably
tells someone else what he has just head, then the voice returns clear and
somehow soft.
"Maybe it doesn't matter anymore...", Shinya says slowly.
"What are you saying?"; Kaoru is breathless. Shinya doesn't talk like this
A sigh and the obviously controlled voice: "Father wants to have his cyborg
back, disassemble it and haul out the brain to see what went wrong in his
construction plans of this prototype."
Kaoru is speechless.
"Maybe it's for the best if Toshiya does not wake up anymore...", somewhere
else in the city, Die can see the strained shoulders of Shinya and the
liquid shimmering in the corners of his eyes.
"No...", the red-head whispers. "No, we can't let him be hurt."
And he is not sure if he refers to the bassist or the slim man in front of him.
"Stop talking like that, Shinya!", he orders and the drummer turns around.
"We said we would try to rescue Toshiya."
A small smile but a disappointing answer: "You said you would. I only said
it was murder."
Anger and disapproval fills the red-haired guitarist. "Coward!", he hisses
and grabs the phone from his guest.
"Kaoru, we're coming over", he simply says, before he cuts the connection.

Kaoru is alarmed.
Now, if he doesn't get this body in his bed dressed, all of his band-mates
will see the naked cyborg. And it's not too hard to jump to the
more-than-right conclusions.
Embarrassment and loss of respect would ensue. He can't risk that, he *is*
the leader after all.
Kyo is one thing since he still owes him for taking care after the
accident, but Die and especially Shinya...
There is some kind of unwritten law that one should never ever mess around
with other peoples creations.
Hastily he tries to get the pants back on to the slender-looking but
inhumanly heavy legs, just when there is an urgent ring at his door.
He hesitates, but a loud knocking follows and Kyo's voice: "I know you're
in there, just open the damn door."
Kaoru knows he has no chance to avoid Kyo and opens.

Upon entering Kyo notices a very faint smell of musk, sweat. He bites his
lower lips and presents a neutral face to Kaoru: "Where is he?!"
The leader wavers a little and points to the small room behind the kitchen,
so Kyo kicks off his shoes and hurries to the room, where the aroma grows
stronger, tickling his memories.
But he ignores that, because spread in front of him is the cyborg, naked,
unmoving yet appearing as if he is about to breathe, blink or even speak.
A picture of rare beauty and innocence.
Against his own will Kyo knows what exactly has been going on in this room,
between the sheets of this bed. The naked body, the smell of sex.
Understanding hits him with a sharp blow.
The nightmares after the cyborg had been at Kaoru's. The hurt and fear.

I'm such an asshole.

"What have you done with him?", he feels on the edge of crying or killing
someone, if he faces the band-leader.
"It's not..." Kaoru tries.
"We both know damn right that it fucking is like it seems", Kyo snarls.
"You use him as a sex-toy."
The voice is restricted with force, but the lethal danger of oozes out clearly.
Kaoru snorts: "He shouldn't remember! I fed him an Anime to avoid memories."
Kyo is just unable to believe what he hears. Calm spreads inside of him,
like poison. "His brain is not a computer he has a subconsciousness and
saved your abuse there."
"Doesn't matter, he is a cyborg after all. He was made to serve humans,
wasn't he?"
Never knowing Kyo could move that fast, Kaoru finds himself pressed to the
frame of the door, small but strong hands claw into his chest.
"You're wrong. He's our band-mate, our responsibility. You are our leader,
dammed. Where did you lead him by using him, huh? How dare you hurt him?
How dare you?!" Kyo really is dangerous when he finally looses a grip on
himself, Kaoru is well aware of this fact. Because of that he feels scared,
when the fiery look burns into his mind.
"He is innocent and sweet. How dare you take that away?", the small blonde
man snorts and shoves the taller man to the ground with a powerful push.
"You're not deserving him."
With these words Kyo turns around and sinks on his knees beside the
motionless cyborg.
"Hello Toshiya. I'm sorry I took this long. But I'm here now." With tears
sparkling in his eyes he draws the comforter back over the naked body. "I
will help you, I promise."



to be continued 

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