nika-No Heart
No Heart

by Nika

RATING: Unexpected heroism
PAIRING: uh...there is a meaningful exchange of glances


finally I kicked my own butt and wrote another chapter. Thsi is gettin
longer than "Let me count the ways I dislike you". I won'T cut the story
short though.

Dedicated to the faithful readers, such are Pike, VM, Ondira, winterfall
and the poor sick D.H.
Get better, okay?

On with the story... we left after Toshiya has been kidnapped by some
strange men from Goki Motors:

Part 18

Pain blurs the vision of the band-leader, his own heartbeat drowning out
the noises around him, while the cool surface of the floor presses against
his body, giving him a sense of being.
Especially being miserable.
Some thoughts surface in his head, concerning the state of Kyo. A few stray
along the path of guilt, but they all sink back into the subconscious.
Feet suddenly enter his sight, voices float through his shield of pain and
The voices are familiar... Die and Shinya.
He tries to say their names, but is unable, when he realizes, someone is
kneeling beside him, checking his body.
"What happened?", he hears. It's Die.
"Do you wanna try and sit up? Nod if you want to", the red-head says and
Kaoru softly nods. The he feels hands on his shoulders and the force that
is bringing him up.
Pain shoots through him, but when he finally sits, the world falls back
into it's proper dimensions, breathing becomes easier and Die's worried
eyes offer comfort.
A muffled cry of anger reaches Kaoru's ears. Die looks to the drummer:
"What is it, Shinya?"
Shinya drops to his knees beside the small blonde man, turning him on the
back, but Kyo is still passed out. Frowning, Shinya cradles the small body
in his arms and hauls it out of the splinted remains of the table. He
places the small body on the bed, joining the other two men in the kitchen
to get a wet towel.
Die's eyes meet Kaoru's and the leader breathes a soft: "Five men, Kyo
"What?!", the red-head's gaze grows more intense. Kaoru gulps and struggles
with his words, when suddenly a glass with water appears before his eyes.
He takes a slow sip, then he sighs in relief, uttering a little louder:
"Kyo tried to stop them."
Shinya's face appears next to Die's.
"Who were they? Where's Toshiya?"
"They...took him."
"WHAT?!" Die and Shinya cried out in perfect unison and horror.
"They were from Goki Motors. They took him and hurt Kyo! I couldn't do a
He doesn't know if it's due to the lack of oxygen, pain or guilt, but he
feels his eyes watering. Tears fall on his pale cheeks, scaring the drummer
and the guitarist. The band-leader is not known to be very emotional in
front of others and especially not known to show weakness.
If things are getting so bad that they even forfeit Kaoru's resistance,
there are not many prospects left.
"Kaoru..."; Die tries to comfort his friend in a soft, fragile tone. But
Shinya stands up, his hands are curled into fists, the eyes in his
determined face are blazing fires of barely suppressed anger: "Father!"
Die studies the drummer: "Shinya-kun..."
"Don't you get it?!", the lithe man growls. "He wants to disassemble
Toshiya, that's why he send the older models to get him."
"Older models?", Die asks, confused.
"Yes, the ones without human qualities, they were made before Toshiya."
"You mean they were cyborgs?", the guitarist is still a little baffled.
Kaoru smiles bitterly, his breath still heavy. He remembers the warning
growls from the blonde singer: 'Don't you dare touch him!' and the noises
of a fight.
"Kyo...", he mumbles, "How is he?"
Shinya sighs and shakes his head, taking the small cool cloth, returning to
Kyo's side, wiping his brow tenderly.
Kaoru looks up to Die and licks his lips: "Please, Die, help me up I want
to see Kyo."
The red-head nods and together they inspect the sweet scene in front of
them. The tender expression on Shinya's face when he tends Kyo, who is
still out of it.
Die notices that he has never seen the drummer regarding him with such an
expression and feel a little pang inside, while Kaoru lets go of the
guitarist, to stand on his own. He feels like all of this is his fault.
His responsibility.

If only I hadn't taken Toshiya here, if only I hadn't make him suck me
off...If only he was still awake, you could have defended himself. All of
this may not have happened if it wasn't for me. I have made them suffer.

"Kyo!", he sobs and raises the attention of the other two men.
"Kaoru-kun?", Shinya stands up and pats the shoulder of the older man
lightly, "He will be okay when he wakes up."
"No, he won't be okay!", Kaoru protests, remembering the bonds between the
cyborg and Kyo, "He won't be okay until we bring Toshiya back. We have to
get him back, we have to! I made a mistake before, but I want to do the
right thing now!"
"My words exactly", Die agrees, grinning at Shinya, inwardly calling him
"Coward" again, "I just don't know how..." Kaoru and Die focus on the drummer:
"Do you have any idea, Shinya-kun?", the leader asks, but Shinya only shrugs.
"Aw, come on now, Shin-chan. I believe that you have an idea in that
brilliant brain of yours, for sure." Die grins again, spreading warmth
thorough the awkwardness and desperation lingering between the
band-members. The drummer glares at Die, before he sighs and sits down on
the bed again.
"I think I know where they will be taking him", the painfully thin man
admitted. The words seem like they are forced from him. He is still not
really okay with letting down his father, the barriers and promises are
still up inside of him, keeping him to his words.
Shinya can see the nights he has spend at the side of his father, learning
about cybernetics, neurogenitic engineering and robotronics, his plug-in
connected to the large database, just like always. Countless amounts of
information are uploaded inside of his brain.
The eyes of hie father sparkle, the lips are twisted into an eager smile.
There is no other time the young man can recall his father smiling.
He can see himself there, obedient student, face calm, the scars of the
transfer into this body almost vanished, just small, colorless lines along
his spin and on the head, where the hair has almost grown back.
This small body, thin... He's never gained much weight afterwards. Always
at war with this stranger, who was him.
Cruel, but normal for a boy of nine, who grew up this way. Unfortunately he
owes respect and gratefulness to this man, who is the father of Shinya, the
young man inside of this unknown body.
And Shinya owes his life to this man.
Such facts are hard to ignore and even harder to forget, but emotions are
even worse. And just these emotions are in turmoil inside of him, trying to
determine what is right and what is wrong for Terachi Shinya.
Isn't it wrong to disappont his father, worse even, betray everything he
has been taught and valued for many years now?
Is it right to obstruct the progress of technology, the holy grail his
father is after?
He can't decide, can't make a step in either direction.

"Shinya...?", Die asks, when the drummer keeps quiet after the promising
near-revelation of Toshiya's probable whereabouts. The lithe body twitches
at the utterance of his name, the eyes flying to the red-head, seemingly
void of anything, despite the war inside.
"Shinya-kun, do you really know where they have taken Toshiya?", Kaoru
jumps in, his words trailing off, lost to the drummer anyway.
"What's wrong with him?", the band-leader asks, the pain in his back
throbbing, but it is not too hard to keep the pain under control, much
easier than the guilt that is waiting within to consume him.
Even though Die has some ideas concerning Shinya's battle of faith, he
can't reveal them to Kaoru, he is a man of honor after all and a promise is
a promise.
"I don't know Kaoru. All I know is that this has to be the worst day in our
band history...", Die sighs and look down on the disturbingly peaceful face
of the singer, "And if we don't do something quickly there won't be any
better ones to come. If we can't get Toshiya back, I'll quit. I won't be
able to play the joker through another break-up like I did when you kicked
Kisaki out."
"Die, I had no choice, not after what he did to Kyo..."; Kaoru objects.
"I know and I agreed with your decision, he deserved to be kicked out. But
Toshiya... he hasn't done anything wrong in the whole few months of his
life. I can't stand seeing my friends being hurt. Kyo...Shinya..." Die
laughs bitterly, "They even managed to hurt and scare you. You of all
people, Kaoru."
Kaoru feels tears again, when he hears Die's acknowledgment of just how
much respect and faith he has in the band-leader.
"I don't deserve your faith, Die-kun. I don't! I've done terrible things
and hurt Toshiya...! And Kyo!"
Die shakes his head: "Whatever it was, spare your self-pity for later,
leader. We, Kyo, Shinya and Toshiya need your strength now, not your weakness."
The blue-head nods and fights against the different pains inside of him,
producing a fragile smile just for Die: "I understand."
Afterwards he finally manages to hold the other guitarist's gaze: "Thank
you, Die-kun."
Die gulps and tries to get rid of the strange feeling inside of him, while
the uncovered eyes of Kaoru rest upon him. He turns to the drummer and
leans towards the younger man's ear:
The lost eyes seem to gain some focus.
"Shinya, please", Die is not above begging: "Don't be a coward and help us.
I beg you."
Still, Shinya is unreachable, so Die whispers intently in the delicate
ear-shell: "When Toshiya is no more, this band will be no more, too. Your
dream of making music will simply die and your father will have won."
The eyes of the drummer widen extremely.

"I want to become a musician."
Cold eyes: "No, I won't allow it."
"I want to be a drummer, father."
"Have I wasted my life upon a drummer? I haven't saved your life and taught
you to become a straying artist."
"But father..."
"Enough, you'll become just what I want you to mature into, do you understand?"
A high wail echoes inside of Shinya's head: "NOOOOOO!"

"No...", he whispers out loud.
"What?", Die asks.
"No, he won't win. I can't let him."
Determined the drummer looks at the still huffing leader and the red-head:
"He's in a secret Goki-Motors lab. I know where it is."
Kaoru feels an ember of courage glint inside of him, scaring the shadows of
"We'll take my car!"
Die curls his hands into fists: "Then let's go before it is too late!"
The other two nod, Shinya halting, a hand flying to his mouth: "What about
And after like the sun a broad Die-grin appears between Shinya's clouds of
worry: "I'll carry him. He wouldn't want to miss us kicking some cyborg ass."


to be continued 

back to deg fics pg 3