nika-No Heart
No Heart

by Nika

LoTR came my way and robbed my sleep and time.
But now I've seen it, I continue.
Thank you for still reading, and callista...there won't be sex too soon.
For smart, smart Puka *wonders...are you some kind of psychic?* and sweet
lovely Pikie *smooches again*

Part 6

In the morning, when Kyo falls out of his bed and searches for Toshiya he
finds his guest ready to go. Surprised he descends onto one of the kitchen
"What is wrong?", he asks the bassist.
"I was waiting for you to explain the sense of taste to me. And I prevented
another run to the station, since we will leave in time today."
The singer rises a septic eye-brow. He opens his lips to say something, but
decides he better stays silent, leaving the cyborg to do his morning routine.
Scrubbing his teeth, he looks into the mirror, seeing his tiny, tired eyes.
Not too attractive, without make-up and stage-light to enhance his looks.
After dressing he returns to the kitchen, he is almost sure that the eyes
of his student are glittering with curiosity.
Impossible! he thinks. I only want to believe he is human because he
fucking looks and moves like one. But he is not, he's just collecting data
like he is programmed to do. Humans made him this way, someone who thought
learning would help his creation.
Kyo feels tired, choking and an urge to leave this apartment, set fire to
it and let the man-machine burn within. But he can't, he knows that.
So he just sits down and takes the blueberry-jam, holding it up for Toshiya
to see.
"Remember this? When you had it on bread, it was different from the soup
you had yesterday, wasn't it?"
"It was. The color is darker and it wasn't hot."
"True, but there was something else. And that is taste", Kyo surely doesn't
feel appalled to do any more explaining than this. But the android appears
to be settled with that explanation.
"So, all things I ear taste of something. I would say, that the jam on my
bread was good, also the tanuki-udon. But the cigarette... That was not so
good." Is there disgust in the voice? A disgusted robot?
Kyo feels a smile creep on his lips despite himself: "Smoking is unhealthy,
that's why."
"It can cause lung-cancer, I know." The cyborg rises: "Do you want some
tea, Kyo-kun?"
Kyo nods, wonders why Toshiya seems to independent today and if he has a
lung at all, the bread is even drier than the day before, it almost feels
as if he is eating a sponge.
His eyes glide over the tall man, his long legs clad in stylish,
Kaoru-likes-it-jeans, A tight fitting long-sleeved shirt, with some
anime-like cartoon on it, also Kaoru's style and long black hair pulled
back in a shining pigtail, Kaoru's product. Yet he's nothing like the
creature he had encountered the day before. And since he is paying
attention...yes the thing is breathing.
Thanks to Toshiya's well-working inner clock, they could take a stroll to
the station, where Kyo gets out his last cash to buy some bread from the
convenience store, stuffing it into his bag.
"If you carry it around all day, it will be dry again soon..." Toshiya
states, earning a glare from Kyo.
"But I don't want to come here again after practice, you know?"
The cyborg shakes his head and Kyo is sure he can hear a soft giggle:
"Stubborn little man, aren't you?"
Kyo is stunned, can't believe his eyes and ears. "Did...did you just laugh?
And tease me?", tumbles out of his mouth, his eyes big with doubt.
"I'm sorry. Didn't mean to offend you, Kyo-kun", comes the answer,
naturally casual, as if he had never talked like a book for gaijin Japanese
students before. The singer takes the change with worry and relief at the
same time. Toshiya looks and acts more human than before, but how deep is
this mutation?
In the station, the bassist pulls out some coins: "Kaoru-kun gave them to
me. He said, I would need some money."
"Why didn't he give me some? I could use some, too", Kyo grumbles and
watches as Toshiya gets a ticket and enters the station, hurrying after the
tall figure.
"See, we didn't have to run at all", Toshiya smiles as the two men settle
on a bench in the train. "Yeah, yeah...", the blond snorts, "You're right,
Papa Toshiya."
The bassist studies Kyo with a smile, that is sweet, too radiant to be
trained from watching other people, making Kyo almost jump in fear. Even
though the cyborg's smile is the most elating thing he has seen in a long
time, he can't help but shiver.
"Stop... !", he stutters, voice failing him, again the call to run for it
screams in his blood.
Toshiya frowns, he really frowns!, and then the pliant lips open: "Did I do
something wrong?"
Kyo gathers his wit, he didn't mean to scare or worry Toshiya: "No, no!
Don't worry!"
Worry a cyborg?
Scare a machine?
Die's words ring in his ears: "...he's just a machine, you know. He wasn't
born, he was made by human hands...", and Kyo takes a look at the man-made
thing so very much like every other man or woman in this train and
yet...there is metal under that vibrant skin, he had seen it. And little
slots to enter data and a slot to feed him energy... All of his thoughts
are leading him to no conclusion, just a cold feeling of discomfort. And
suddenly he longs for a cigarette to hold on to.

With a loud and energetic: "Ohaaa~", the bassist enters the practice-room
for the second time in his short life.
The band-leader returns the greeting with a proud grin and Die comes over,
hugs Toshiya's slender shoulders with one of his arms and leads him away,
babbling about this new song idea he's been having. He pulls him to the
couch, sitting down, still his arm is draped over Toshiya's shoulders.
Kyo rubs his eyes, somehow he is glad he's not longer alone with the
cyborg, then he realizes: "Shinya's not here?"
Kaoru shrugs: "He said, he had to talk to his father this morning, but he
will be here any minute now."
"Is it about Toshiya?", the singer asks, even though he already knows the
"Of course it is...How is he? Did you have any...problems?" Kaoru comes
closer, so close, that his lips nearly touch Kyo's, who backs a little: "No
malfunctions, if that is, what you're thinking about."
"Does he listen to your orders?", the leader follows Kyo and is very near
again. The blond sees the curious sparkle in Kaoru's dark eyes, reminding
him of a child again.
"Um, yeah. I don't order him around too much, you know?", the singer flees
to his mic.
"Aw, Kyo-kun, you're just too good for this world"; the red-haired
guitarist has listened to his barked out answer and teases him mercilessly.
"If I had Toshiya around every day, I'd know what I would do."
Kyo rolls his eyes: "How can you keep up all of those hentai thoughts; Die?"
Toshiya can't follow the conversation, but he smiles none the less, since
his impression of the general mood is positive.
The door opens and Shinya arrives, slumping onto Die's lap, curling an arm
around the guitarist's neck: "Did you miss me so much that you had to abuse
Toshiya-kun?", he purrs sweetly, making Die blush, before the drummer gets
up again with the most serene face in the world.
"What did you dad say?"
"He said, since Toshiya-kun is the first of his kind, the prototype, he
can't say how he will improve. It seems well to him. But he will be here in
a few days to check on Toshiya himself", the drummer ends the statement
with a shrug. Kaoru blinks, shrugs as well, then he raises his hands in a
leader-like manner: "Okay, guys. I've got an announcement to make. I've
checked with some of our old live-houses and agreed on some dates. Meaning:
We're going to perform live!"
Three pairs of eyes widen, only Toshiya doesn't know how to react, except
smiling. After all, that was why he had joined this band after all:
playing the bass.
"Do you think that's a good idea?", Shinya finally presses out.
"Yes, Toshiya is more than good, you all heard that yesterday. And I guess
we have wasted enough time in this dark chamber, it's about time we crawl
out again, after...", here the firm voice of the leader falters a little,
and he pauses. "...after Kisaki", he adds. Kyo, Die and Shinya get
remarkably quiet and the cyborg tilts his head to get another angle of the
"We need a new name, too, alright? Think about it, minna." Kaoru regains
cool control of his raspy voice.
"I have an idea, already...", the drummer softly speaks up, "Something with
Gray would be nice. It's a meaningful color, neither good nor bad..."
"Good idea"; Kaoru agrees, "Keep that in mind. Any other suggestions?"
Die shrugs and Kyo shakes his head slowly, still the word 'prototype'
lingers in his head. Toshiya tilts his head to the other side, looking more
like a fragile bird than any humanlike creature.
After enough silence to unnerve the leader, Kaoru sighs: "Okay, just think
about it, okay. I really like the idea of being gray... Good thinking, just
like always, Shinya-kun", he nods to the drummer, who looks more or less
indifferent towards the approval from the blue-head. Kyo stands up: "I
guess we better practice, Kaoru, we obviously can't take any more
thinking.", then he strolls over to his mic.
Toshiya looks up to Kaoru: "Shall I play my bass with you now?"
Kaoru nods, when the bassist stands up, his eyes take in the new outfit.
Satisfied he closes up to the new band-member and gives him a proud smile:
"You really look good today; Toshiya-kun."
"That is a compliment, isn't it?", the bassist asks, tilting his head
again. Human interaction is hard to understand. "You don't want to tease me?"
"No, I mean it." Kaoru's brows rise, this question were not the ones he had
expected from the cyborg. Toshiya lips form a smile, as fake as it can get,
making the band-leader uncomfortable, backing a little, he lets the tall
man go to his instrument. Not at all like he had imagined a cyborg, their
cyborg to behave.
Disturbed he looks at Kyo for answers, but the singer gives him a look full
of strange, misplaced anger, so he just takes his guitar and starts
practice officially.

Again every member wonders, how frighteningly perfect Toshiya fits their
music, but they are delighted that they finally have found the musician
they had been looking for.
When they take a break, Die offers a cigarette to the bassist, who denies
politely: "No thank you, they are not too good."
"You don't smoke because it's good, Toshiya-kun, you smoke because it makes
you feel better", he explains with a professor like voice.
"It will make me feel better? How?", the bassist scrutinizes the white
"Come on try it, Toshiya-kun". Die nags. "Let's go outside. Kaoru and Kyo
are there, too."
Toshiya takes the cigarette like he is ordered and follows the red-head.
When they are outside, Kaoru leans to the wall again, while Kyo walks up
and down.
"Ah, Toshiya-kun", Kaoru greets him and grins, when he sees, that Die
lights a cigarette for the bassist, who takes it.
"I'd like to discuss make-up with you, Toshiya-kun", the leader says, his
eyes lost on the pretty face, already thinking about ways to turn pretty
into beautiful.
His victim turns his attention to the leader: "Okay."
"How about after practice?", a cloud of smoke escapes the leader's lips,
vanishing into the air, followed by a soft: "Yeah, why not?"
Kyo does not hear, what they are talking about, since he's feeling restless
and pays no attention to the other three men. He's thinking about lyrics
for a song. About wild animals ripping frozen flesh from pale bones in the
middle of the winter. About sex in his bed.
He wants to think about anything, but Toshiya. For once not Toshiya.
When the cigarettes are only ashes, the leader calls: "Back inside, guys!"
Upon entering the drummer raises his head from the magazine he was reading:
"I don't approve that you teach Toshiya how to smoke", it is a simple, cool
statement. Die looks back at the leader, who just giggles, his eyes saying:
Not my problem, and then back to the drummer: "Don't be such a killjoy,
Shinya-ku~un. He's so cute when he smokes and it's our way of bonding.
Besides, it's what real men do. You wouldn't understand, My Lady."
Shinya only shakes his head and hands Kaoru some papers: "These are my
ideas for the new songs, Kaoru-kun", then he rushed to his drums, being the
first ready to go, just like always. The blue-head studies the notes and
nods approvingly, before he takes his guitar.
Suddenly he halts and looks back at the drummer: "What about Toshiya? Have
you already fed this to him?"
Kyo wakes up from his train of thought and listens to the two men.
"No. How could I? I have to enter it into the laptop beforehand and feed
him afterwards", Shinya explains.
"Too bad...I'd like to practice some of these parts. We'll have to wait
then", the leader sighs, obviously unhappy with the limitations of their
new band-addition.
Kyo felt anger rise inside him again, but he pushes it away and growls:
"You could just show those notes to Toshiya..."
Kaoru stares at the singer, bewildered.
Unmistakably he has never ever thought about this possibility himself. Kyo
can almost see the way the leader's brain is working. The singer snorts again.
Then he comes up to Kaoru, snatches the papers from him, under the blank
stare of Shinya and the amused smile from Die, and shows them to the bassist.
"See them, Toshiya? Do you think you can manage them?", the blond asks his
humanoid artificial band-mate. The slender man studies the notes for some
time, then he nods briskly and his hands do the required dance on his bass
close to flawless.
"Was that okay, Kyo-kun?", he inquires carefully and the singer smiles:
"Yep, you're really good, Toshiya."
Mouth open in awe, the band-leader gasps, while the drummer mumbles
something like: "His visual data-upload is working perfectly."
The red-head feels a little annoyed and snarls: "Am I allowed to see those
fucking music-sheets, too?", glaring at the band-leader: "Hey, Kaoru! Are
we going to make music or are we here to watch you turn into a monument for
Kyo finds this a relevant question and agrees. "Yeah, what about making music?"
The band-leader shakes off his numbness, while Die takes the papers and
tries out some of his parts. Then a shining smile appears on Kaoru's face,
definitely the comes-with-batteries-included grin, Kyo decides, and he
bounces over to the bassist: "You're perfect, Toshiya-kun!" he squeaks
delighted and claps his hands together.
Kyo feels another shiver creeping over his spine.
Later, when they are packing their stuff at the end of rehearsal, Kaoru
sneaks to the singer and with a sweet voice announces: "No need for you to
take care of Toshiya-kun tonight."
"Huh? Why that? Wanna turn him off over night?", the blond raises a
sarcastic eyebrow.
"No, he'll stay at my place. I'm going to teach him make-up", the blue-head
sounds perfectly excited, when he babbles on, on how much Toshiya is going
to complete their picture and how the girl will swoon over him, during Kyo
feels unknown discomfort.
"Want to go for drinks?", Die calls out, earning a shake of the head from
the leader: "Got better stuff to do tonight!"
"I'll be there, Die-kun", the drummer smiles a little.
"You?!", the guitarist almost wails. "Aw, but please, please, please don't
talk about work all the time, okay?"
"I'll see about that", Shinya chuckles a little, making Die direct his
pleading eyes at the singer: "Kyo?"
The singer does not react, because he sees the leader walking up to
Toshiya, smiling, tugging his sleeve and dragging the unresisting man to
the exit: "See you tomorrow, guys!", he calls out, happily.
"See you tomorrow", Toshiya echoes and is gone.
"Please, Kyo-kun?", demands the red-haired guitarist.
"Sorry, Die. I'm totally broke, ne", the singer mumbles. "Beside, you know
I don't drink."
He grabs his bag with the not too fresh anymore bread in it and leaves the
room all alone.


to be continued 

back to deg fics pg 3