Note: when i write fics, i sometimes think of my own life. that's why i make my characters be in miserable situations but i always give them a happy ending(hoping that i get a happy ending for myself, hahaha^^;) i hope everyone around me get happy endings too^_^! ahhh~ as usual, yaoi and lemon warning^.^;;

It was slippery, walking on the tatami floor with socks. The cool evening air blew against my face as I walked down the open corridor of the long Japanese house. The tall bamboos swayed, their leaves made soothing ‘shhh…shhh…’ sounds.

The kimono was hard to walk in but I had gotten used to them. Today I wore a dark blue kimono with golden obi; there were little orange butterflies on the sleeves and hem. My hair was brushed back and tied tightly behind my head. My face was powdered and my lips painted in red.

The wind chime that hung at the door tinkled as I walked past. The house smelled of tea and wood. An old lady, a servant, motioned to me, indicating that he would be coming back soon. I was waiting when he entered through the main door. He was dressed in his business clothes but his face looked like a criminal to me with those sunken cheeks and pale complexion. His eyes were cruel.

“ Tadaima, Kaoru-san,” I bowed like a woman. I hung his coat for him, removed his shoes. He didn’t say a word.

We sat at the low table. The dishes were served in traditional Japanese setting. I poured his tea for him; our fingers brushed briefly as the cup exchanged hands. He was looking at me. There was a hunger in his eyes that made a shiver run up my back.

“ Toshiya,” he said my name as I felt a hand rest on my thigh. I looked down, biting my lip.

“ Later tonight…” I said softly but my hands shook as I filled my cup with tea.

He smiled and removed his hand. “ I bought you a gift…”

“ What is it?” I asked, curious, though Kaoru often gave me presents.

“ Later. But you’ll like it,” he answered as he picked up a piece of fish with his chopsticks.

I nodded. I nibbled on the pickled radish, my mind blank. From where we sat, we could see the little pond with artificial waterfall surrounded by the rock garden outside. It was nice but it was beautiful during the day. But Kaoru seldom visited during the day. He came here every night except for weekends which he would spend with his wife and children, I supposed. I’ve never seen his wife but Sanae(the old woman servant) told me she was beautiful and came from a rich family.

Suddenly I realized I was staring at him and he was looking at me weirdly and I quickly shifted my eyes to the food. He had finished eating. As I ate, he walked in the rock garden, smoking. He had changed into a plain yukata before dinner.

Sanae cleared the table after I finished. He offered me a cigarette which I took quietly. And he quietly watched me smoke too.

“ What?” I asked rather rudely but I was not bred in polite ways since young.

He lit another cigarette for himself. “ I like to look at you.”

I smiled shyly. The cigarette smoke twirled upwards. He took the cigarette from my lips and crushed it in the ashtray. In a swift movement, his lips captured my surprised ones. His tongue slipped into my mouth, probing deeper.

He pushed me onto the tatami floor, his kisses were suffocating me and I writhed beneath him. With much effort, I managed to escape from his lips and take in the air into my lungs.

“ I want to take you,” he said, his voice heavy with need.

I got up on my elbows. I spread my legs as he touched the flesh, lifting the hem past my knees. “ I’m yours to take.” My breath sped as he stroked my inner thighs, his fingers fanning over the smooth skin dangerously close.

He knelt between my legs, one finger twirling around the end of the golden obi. My eyes closed as his hand massaged me between my legs while his other hand undid my kimono. I arched up against him, rocking my hips against his hand, my lips parting in moans. I almost cried when his hand moved away to touch other parts of me as the kimono fell apart. My breaths came out in hitches as excitement tingled in my belly where his fingers caressed and his lips kissed.

He settled between his widely parted legs. Gently he brushed my cheeks with the back of his hand. I felt his breath against the skin of my face. A lump appeared in my throat and my lips went dry. He nuzzled against my neck. The kimono fell off my shoulders, leaving the bare and cold. His teeth grazed my shoulder. I could feel his hard flesh pressing up against mine through the cloth of his yukata and it surprised me that he was harder than me. I fell into blissful pleasure as he rocked against me, my head snapped back against the tatami floor, moaning and gasping.

At one point, I think Sanae came in and saw us because the sliding door to the garden was closed when I turned my head and looked that direction. But she went as quietly as she came.

Kaoru’s yukata laid in a heap together with the dark blue kimono next to the foot of the table. I had nothing but my socks on. I took him in my mouth, my lips moving up and down the hardened length. I was painfully hard myself too. Yet I pleasured him slowly; I heard his moans as I sucked the organ hard and licked the dripping pre-cum from the tip.

His fingers grasped my hair painfully as he came shooting his semen into my mouth, filling it till it spilled over the corners of my mouth. Those that spilled, I licked it up from the floor like a dog. I knew he was watching me through his dazed eyes. Then I cleaned his shaft with my tongue, licking till it was hard again.

He threw me to the floor. I came when he entered me.

***

The room was dark but there was a bluish hue to the darkness. My fingers clutched the sheets of the futon, twisting them, fingers tightening then releasing only to tighten again, as he thrust into me. His swollen member pulsed and throbbed inside my body as he sucked the flesh of my nape hungrily.

“ Say my name…” he whispered into my ear, his hands moving the the front of my chest to pinch the erect nipples.

“ Kaoru…!” I hissed as he pressed his hips down against mine, wedging me between his body and the bed. I wanted to come so badly but he wouldn’t let me. Cruel. “ Kaoru! Ohh…”

He kissed the back of my neck softly. Slowly he pulled out and pushed in again. I cried out as he rubbed against that spot inside me. And he did it again, this time swifter and harder. My hips bucked up against his; his hands circled my thighs and abdomen but he purposely avoided the part I wanted him to touch the most.

“ Please…onegai…” I covered one of his hand with my own, noticing my hands are bigger than his. His hand was relatively small and the fingers were skinny and bony. But they felt so good, wrapped around me. But he wouldn’t touch my there by himself.

“ Teach me how you want me to touch you…” he suckled on my earlobe.

I covered his hand with mine, making him squeeze and stroke me. He moved inside me too, in the same rhythm as his hand. I moaned as waves of sensation overcame me. I tilted my head for him to bite on my neck, to leave little lovebites that would stay for a few days.

“ Aah!!!” I screamed as he made a sharp thrust, penetrating me fully. I could feel him, the hot hard flesh, alive and throbbing. And he pushed deeper, his hands clutching the sides of my hips, though he was as deep as he could go.

I guess I must have screamed again when he released his seed inside of me or maybe I was quiet, biting on my lips as I myself came too. All I knew at that time was the intense burst of ecstasy and when it passed, I lied down on the futon on my front, breathing hard and trying to get the stars out of my eyes.

He lied down beside me, his chest heaving up and down too as his senses returned to normal. Quietly I shifted nearer him and rested my head at the crook of his neck. His arm wrapped around my shoulder, fingers playing with my hair.

“ I thought you said you had a present for me,” I nuzzled against his neck for warmth.

“ I have…it’s in my coat. You wanna go take it?”

I shook my head. “ It’s nicer here,” I said. “ Warm.”

“ Mm…”

I closed my eyes and I must have fallen asleep. Because when I woke up, it was already morning and the sun was up, streaming in through the bamboo blinds, warming the air to the day. But beside me, the futon was cold. A lonely little package in dark red with gold ribbons sat on the pillow.

***

Hello.

My name is Toshiya. I am 24 this year and I am a whore. Or was a whore. I was bought up by a rich businessman to be his mistress. I’ve been staying in this house for nearly 6 months now. And the only thing I know about him is his name. Kaoru.

Sanae is the only other person in this house. It’s not so boring with her around. Sometimes we watch television together and chat over some drinks. I rarely go out anymore, mainly because Kaoru would get angry at me. But I guess this life is better than being on the streets. Though sometimes I don’t think so.

Sanae tells me about her younger days and her children. She has 3 sons, all of them older than me now. She looks sad everytime she talks about them but she brightens up when she talks about New Year which she spends with them every year.

I have no one. I never knew my family. I grew up in the slums with a woman who was apparently my mother’s friend. But one day she just never returned. I was 13 at that time.

Kaoru is okay. He provides good food and comfortable dwelling and gives me money for shopping when he would let me out. He sometimes ‘punished’ me if I come back too late and make him wait. I can’t say I like him very much because I don’t. But I guess I did it for the money. One man is better than half a dozen men a week and he pays much better.

Kaoru looks quite okay too. Not ugly and not fat and not old. He’s skinny, doesn’t have much of a body but he is good in bed. Yeah… I normally try to detach myself from the outside world when I’m doing it with customers unless I’m really attracted to them. But it’s been so long since it’s been only Kaoru, I couldn’t help noticing. Sometimes I feel like he’s my lover and we’re making love but he’s always so cold. I don’t think he knows it.

He sometimes gives me little presents. I like them. They’re expensive, though most of them are really useless. I keep them in the drawer, locked. When I’m utterly bored, I’d take them out to play. Some nights, I’d wear them for him to see. Then I’d keep them back in their little boxes in the drawer.

***

The yellow ribbon laid untied on the pillor as I lazily opened the box and peered inside. It was a silver or maybe platinum bracelet. It had a little bell that tinkled every time I moved my hand when I put it on. I heard a soft knock on the door.

“ Come in,” I said, getting up and realizing I’m naked, and slid back under the blanket.

The door slid open and the old lady entered. “It’s already lunch time,” she said with a rather disapproving tone.

I pouted. “ I’m still tired. What time did Kaoru-san leave?” I ran a hand through my hair.

“ At 6 or slightly after…” She cleared the mess of clothes on the floor and left, telling me that she would get the bath ready for me.

I lied back onto the bed, still wearing the bracelet. It gleamed as the sunlight shone on it. I smiled, hugging a pillow, and fell back into sleep until Sanae came in again to wake me up.

***

The water trickled down his back as I squeezed the soapy sponge. He sighed, leaning forward as I soaped his lower back. He’s so skinny, I thought as I trailed a finger down his spine.

“ Don’t do that; it tickles,” he said.

“ Okay…” I wrapped my arms around his waist, our slippery bodies pressed together in the blissfully warm water. I sighed tiredly, resting my cheek against his back. Somewhere on the towel shelf, his cell phone rang. The water dripped down to wet the tiles as he walked across the floor to take it.

I stayed in the bath; it was a large bath for two persons, squarish in shape. But there were water jets installed in it. Bubbles shot up to the surface when I switched them on.

“ I know. I’ll be there.” He closed the phone. For a while he stared at it then placed it back onto the shelf.

“ Who’s that?” I asked casually, climbing into his lap when he sat in the water.

“ My wife,” he answered as he held my chin and kissed my lips. One of his hands slipped down to my buttocks, a finger slithering into the cleft in between. I gasped, arching up. He started sucking on the tender flesh of my neck as he rocked his hips up against mine. I closed my eyes as the tingling feeling grew in my tummy. My fingers clutched onto his shoulders. His arms wrapped around me, hands kneading my back.

When I opened my eyes, they stung. He ran his hands up and down by back; the gold band around his finger felt cold against my skin.

***

That weekend, Sanae was not around. She had gone to Okinawa for her youngest son’s wedding. Alone, I sat at the low table on the tatami floor with a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits in front of me. The television was on but there was nothing much to watch on Sunday morning. Outside it was sunny and the bamboo leaves rustled against one another.

The doorbell rang.

Postman?

I slid the door open a little, peeking out. I thought I saw wrongly.

“ Kaoru-san?”

He didn’t answer; just grabbed the side of the door and slid it wide open and came in. His eyes travelled from my head to my toe and back to my head. “ Get changed out of your sleeping clothes.”

I was still surprised to see him here and he’s not in his business suit. “ H-hai!” I turned and hurried down the corridor. In the room, I stripped off my pyjamas and took out a neatly folded kimono. Actually without Sanae’s help, I really don’t know how to put it on.

“ Do you have normal clothes?”

I nodded. He was sitting on the bed, looking at me as I changed. I wore a T-shirt with blue jeans; my hair tied up in a ponytail.

“ Let’s go,” he said.

The sun was high up in the blue sky as I followed him out to his car. His hair gleamed purplish in the light and his skin appeared paler than I thought it was. There was something sad in his eyes today. I wondered what it was but I didn’t dare to ask him.

He drove a new model of Mercedes Benz, black in colour. I leaned forward to switch on the radio to ease the silence between us. I stared outside at the passing scenery, though I was terribly curious where he was bringing me to. There was a feeling of dread though.

The first time I sat this car, we went to a five star hotel. The second time, it brought me to the house. This is my third time. Maybe this time it was bringing me back to the streets of the redlight district where he first saw me.

I glanced nervously at him but quickly I turned away again. My fingernails dug into the flesh at the back of my other hand. I looked at him, studying the side profile of his face. I didn’t really know him. But he’s like any other men I’ve been with-he wanted sex. He paid for it. And I gave him.

Maybe he was getting bored with me. Men always liked new things better.

“ Where do you want to go?”

His question pierced through the jumble of thoughts in my head. “ Huh?”

“ I asked you, where do you want to go?” he repeated.

“ No where,” I answered truthfully, perplexed. “ Why?”

He didn’t reply for a long time. When he finally did, he sighed. “ I just thought I’d bring you somewhere…for fun.” His eyes met mine. They were sort of sad.

But I smiled at him. “ Okay, let’s go to the amusement park!”

***

Kaoru might just be the most awkward-looking being in an amusement park. I walked in front of him with him tagging along behind, occasionally I turned around to see if he was still there. Then at a point when I wasn’t thinking, I grabbed his hand and held it in mine, pulling him by my side.

“ This is like a date ne?” I said, giggling.

He rolled his eyes. “ You wanna sit something?”

I pointed to the top of the roller coaster. “ I wanna sit that!”

“ Okay.”

But apparently Kaoru wasn’t thinking of sitting it with me. So I pouted and whined and made everyone around look at us.

“ No! I’ll get a heart attack!” he protested even as I dragged him into the seat and belted him there.

After the ride, Kaoru was a bit green in the face. I laughed at him. But I gave him a break. We sat the Ferris Wheel. I took some photos of the scenery from the top with a disposable camera we bought from there. I took some shots of him too, though he was looking away in most of them. We stood by the hotdog stall and had our lunch of hotdogs. Kaoru was a glutton; he ate three of them.

I couldn’t tell if he was enjoying himself or not. It was hard to tell by his expression. But sometimes I caught him staring at me with a weird smile on his face. But when I asked him, he just shrugged and looked away.

Time flew by quickly. Leaning against the railing, we watched the sun setting into the horizon of the sea. The breeze was cool, blowing against my face. The sky was washed with all shades of orange as the globe slowly sunk into the sea and a flock of birds flew towards the horizon, returning to their home. I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of the sea.

“ It’s lovely here, isn’t it? I love looking at the sea during sunset. It’s like…I can throw all my troubles away from here,” I stretched my arms out.

He was quiet; his eyes hooded as he watched the beautiful sunset. “ Really?” he spoke softly. “ When I see the sunset, I feel sad.”

I looked at him questioningly, waiting for him to continue.

“ It’s the end. It gives me this feeling. It’s the end. It’s over. It’s like a feeling a defeat,” he said.

I pondered on his words. The sun has gone down but its rays refused to die, painting streaks of orange which ends faded into the purplish black. “ But it is not the end.” I looked at the rippling waters of the sea then at the sky. “ Tomorrow the sun will come up again.”

He lit a cigarette. “ Can I throw all my troubles away here?” he asked.

“ Throw away the troubles in your heart. Sometimes it makes us stronger…” I lit a cigarette for myself.

He looked at his right hand. Then he pulled the ring from his fourth finger.

“ What are you doing?”

He didn’t answer. He flung the ring into the sea and it disappeared into the water with a small splash. “ It’s gone…” He closed his eyes.

I finished my cigarette, stubbing it out on the ground with the heel of my shoes. The camera was hung around my neck; there’s one more shot left. Many people passed, walking and making their way to their destinations.

“ Hello, miss? Miss? Can you help us take a photo?” I stopped a passerby. She looked young; a student maybe. I tugged on Kaoru’s sleeve. I smiled widely as she took a photo of two of us, my head leaning against Kaoru’s and his arm around my waist.

“ I’ll take you home.”

Kaoru walked in front of me, leading me to the car. I looked back. The sky has darkened, only the horizon was glowing with the dying rays of the sun; in the sky, the stars twinkled. Today felt like a dream. I looked a while longer at the sky.

***

He didn’t come in. He said he had something to do.

“ Okay… goodnight,” I said, feeling a bit disappointed that he wasn’t going to stay the night.

“ Goodnight.” He stroked my cheek lightly. I felt myself blush as he slowly kissed my lips because it was so gentle, so soft. “ Goodnight.”

I nodded and he walked away. I stood there at the front of the house till his car was no more in sight. For some reason, my eyes had grown wet. I wiped at them. But it didn’t help. That night, I cried.

***

The next morning, I was woken up by Sanae who I supposed returned early this morning. She seemed frightened. “ These men…they’ve come to take the house,” she said. Still in a sleepy daze, it didn’t register in my head till I saw them.

“ I’m very sorry. But we have to seal up this house. Please pack your personal belongings and leave.”

I stared wide-eyed at them. “ What?! Why?” I asked a bit angrily. I didn’t understand.

“ This house legally belonged to Mr. Niikura Kaoru right? Now that he’s bankrupt, we are here to liquidate his assets,” one of the men said.

“ But…but…” I stuttered. “ …where is he?” I looked at Sanae. “ Where is Kaoru?”

Sanae packed up our things as I sat dumbly on the bed. I called his cell phone but it was cut. I had no idea what I’d do or where I’d go. But I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t have many things. Sanae put all of them into the backpack which I came here with.

“ These…” she pulled the drawer out with all the expensive gifts that he had given me. She took all of them out and put them into my bag but I just looked at her sadly.

“ Where will you go?” I asked.

“ Back to my hometown. My eldest son is there,” she answered.

“ Ohh.”

I carried the backpack and walked out of the room. I looked at the bamboo trees lining the outside corridor, at the rock garden with the little pool, at the dining room where I sat with Kaoru for dinners. I don’t know what was it I felt but I felt terrible.

***

I found him where we looked at the sea yesterday. He was smoking a cigarette, still wearing yesterday’s clothes. I walked up to him. He seems a little surprised to see me. But he was more surprised when I slapped him across his cheek.

“ Bastard!” I swore at him. But the tears overflowed and spilled down my cheeks.

“ Toshiya…” he touched his cheek, shocked.

“ Why didn’t you tell me?!!” I felt angry. “ Why did you just leave?!” I cried, ignoring the stares of everyone who passed by.

“ I…it has nothing to do with you,” he said, throwing his cig into the sea to let it drown. He was pushing me away in his heart. To him, I wasn’t important. I realized that. And that hurt me. “ I can’t afford you anymore.”

“ You don’t want me anymore.” My voice was accusing but I couldn’t help myself. I wrapped my arms around him. “ I want you to want me so much.” My tears soaked through the material of his shirt. I hugged him tightly.

“ I’ll always want you…but I have nothing now. It’ll be too much to ask you to stay by me…I want you with me so much. I want to start a new life. Like the sun, it sets but it comes up again. I…I want to do that…” He pulled me away from him and held me at arm’s length. Gently he wiped off my tears. “ I want you in my new life. I… I want you. Will you…stay by me?”

I stared at him through my tear-glazed eyes. I looked into his eyes and hoped I wasn’t dreaming. Then more tears rolled down my cheeks but I smiled and looped my arms around his neck. “ I will. I’ll stay by you forever, Kaoru!”

He smiled too, drying my tears for me with his kisses. Passersby shot us disgusted looks but I didn’t care. Kaoru didn’t care either. He held me in his arms and we kissed, and kissed and kissed…

***

*Owari*

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