Love is an infectious illness.
Nobody knows, when it will catch you.
      ( Anatole France )

 

*

      "Wait up for me Shin-chan !", Die yelled, jogging to catch
the younger man, who was walking down the street, not once turning
around to wait for him. [Geez, what is he in a bad mood today!]
Finally he reached him and took him by his arm, glaring at him with
reproachful eyes. "Why didn't ya stop?"

      "......"

      "Could it have to do with......a girl?" Die grinned
mischievously, waiting for the other man to explode after hearing his
question.

      "FOR HEAVENSSAKE NO!" Shinya growled in rage, his eyes
burning with an mysterious spark.

      "Okay, okay, calm down Shin-chan! I was just kidding!"

      "VERY funny Die-san!", the drummer answered sarcastically. "I
nearly laughed me to death!"

      Die just continued to grin, tightening his hold onto Shinya's
arm and pulling him closer, his heartbeat suddenly speeding up and a
warmth spreading out inside his body.  His voice was dripping with
desire, he hadn't known was existing, as he bend over to whisper into
Shinya's ear huskily. "You really have a bad temper Shin-chan.....!"

      Shinya, too, was fiddling with his emotions. The feeling of
being so close to the object of desire was nearly too much to bear.
For some seconds his mind and desire was fighting, then he pulled
away roughly, turning his back to the other man, breathing
fast. "Leave me alone Die.......just go!"

      Eyes going wide by that remark, he loosened his grip on
Shinya's arm, letting go. An strange pain throbbing in him, making
his face fell and his black orbs go dull. [He hates me, doesn't he?
And........really, I can't blame him for that, nee? Maybe I was
overdoing the whole teasing........]

      Surprised, the young drummer heard some shuffling sounds and
then some footsteps hitting the hardening asphalt. He was gone.

     


      Softly humming the new songs melody, he entered his
apartment. He was happy, after all they all seemed to enjoy his work
and the practice had gone well, too. He was glad, wasn't he?
Okay.....so he wasn't utterly happy. The conversation with Die had
made him.......sad? Well, he didn't know the exact word to describe
how he felt about it, but.....he wasn't joy-full about it for sure.
[Did I hurt him?....I wonder why he left.....usually he would have
laughed at me and stayed! What the fuck was wrong with him
today.....?]

      [Maybe I should call him and tell him that I wasn't being
serious.........but then.....I have been.....I wouldn't have survived
if I would have been in his embrace for one more second!]

      "Holy shit!", Shinya mused quietly, walking over into the
kitchen to get himself something to drink.

      What was it with him? Did he get gay all of the sudden?
Hastily he throw that thought away. Then what turned him into jell-o
when he was near Die? What made him think nasty things and get all
aroused anytime he would hear the guitarist's name? After all, people
had talked behind his back.....

      'He's frail for a man..........'

      '......Shinya, sure is feminine looking....."

      '....Are you sure he isn't.....well....from the other side?'

      'Beautiful.....'

      'Cute.'

      Oh yes, he remembered each word of their talks. They, his
parents and their friends, thought he wouldn't listen, but he'd heard
it all. And he knew his father wasn't very glad about his feminine
looks. For some time, he wasn't either. That time he'd thought about
gaining more muscles with drumming, which became more as his hobby in
no time at all. And there he was, a beautiful, feminine drummer. The
drumming hadn't worked like he'd wanted it in the first place.

      [Am I....no! I'm _not_ gay you hear me?.......but, what is it
then?.....I've always been more feminine than male....is that
supposed to show something?], Shinya thought, finishing his glass of
water in one gulp, his eyes staring at one point in the air. [I do
even scream in horror movies like some weak girl! Fuck!]

      An ringing sound made him snap out of his thoughts. Turning
in the direction the ringing came from he spotted the black mobile
phone and pressed the button.

      "Yes?", he asked a bit startled, he hadn't expect someone to
call. Then he pouted as he recognized the voice on the other side of
the phone.

      "Kyo-kun, what is that supposed to mean, I'll surely say no
but you thought you ask anyways?"

      "....."

      Shinya sighed as he listened to the quiet crazy explanations
of the blond vocalist, sometimes nodding softly. "Hai Kyo-kun, I'll
come along!"

      "NO, it isn't a joke! Kyo-kun.......are you still there?
Kyo?", concerned about his bandmate he listened closer in the mobile
phone, hearing some strange noises, then the shorter man was speaking
again. He breathed out relieved and smiled inwardly. "Geez Kyo-kun,
is it THAT much a surprise I'm coming along for a little
clubbing?.......well, don't answer that......which time and
where......yes, I'll be ready on time! Ja ne!"

      After he'd hung off the phone an huge smile crawled on his
face. But, as soon as it came, it left, horror spreading through
Shinya's veins. "WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?" (AN:....>_< )

      Completely nervous, the drummer mad dashed to his closet,
ruthless opening the doors and cupboards, pulling out his clothes,
trying them on, angry tossing them off, until he found what he was
looking for. The perfect dress.

      Smiling again he made his way towards the bathroom, searching
in his make-up-box for the right utensils and applying them. Finished
he took a good look in the mirror and his smile grew wider. The dark
eye make-up brought out his beautiful hazelnut brown eyes and the
tight blue jeans matched with his glittering black sleeveless-shirt
completely. Yes, he really looked dashing tonight. Now, only he
needed to get his fluffy coat and wait for Kyo to appear.

      [I can't wait to see Die.......]




      "Kyo, you can't be serious!" Die exclaimed, finishing his
last gulp of sake.

      "Why not, Die-kun?", the vocalist asked, bashing his
eyelashes innocently.

      The guitarist groaned. "Because we had a fight earlier and
I'm _sure_ he doesn't want to see me right now......"

      "Demo Die-kun, you'll see him otherwise too! And, ya know,
maybe you can use the time you need to get him here, to talk with
him!"

      "......"

      "Pretty please Die-kun!", offering an cute smile.

      "Well......."

      "Thank's Die-kun, I knew you'd do it!"

      [What am I thinking? I can't possibly have agreed to
that........?! Oh no....I'm going to die.....Die is going to die, how
funny......] Growling slightly the guitarist walked towards the
entrance of the club they were in and headed for the parking lot.
Reaching his car, he fumbled with the key's, opened it and sat in,
shifting for the right position. He stuck the key in and turned it,
starting the engine, then he straightened his seatbelt, breathing in
one last time before driving to Shinya's apartment.

      He was being nervous. Again. But it was just Shinya, wasn't
it? The young man he'd known for so many years now. Standing in front
of the apartment door he was unsure about knocking or not. Die hung
his head and finally heaved one hand about to knock as all of the
sudden the door was opened. Surprised he forgot to stop the motion of
his hand and knocked on one's head.

      "Itai!", a voice shouted.

      Die's head shot up, his face reddening. "Sh-shinya!", he
stammered. "Gomen nasai, I didn't know, I..."

      Shinya's breathing had stopped as he saw, who it was in front
of him. [Die?.....what is he doing here?....could it be
that.......ohhh.....KYO!] "It's okay Die.......I suppose you're here
to pick me up?", he asked, trying to sound calm, whilst his heart was
beating against his ears.

      Just now, the guitarist could take a good look at Shinya and
his eyes widened. [He looks........beautiful...oh my god.....I knew
that Shin-chan is pretty, he showed it in the videos, interviews and
on stage...........but......I've never seen him in casual clothes
looking that stunning!]

      "Die-san?"

      "Huh?.....oh, yes, come on Shin-chan, and sorry again, I
didn't mean to hit you!", Die chocked out, tearing his gaze away from
Shinya and trying to stop the sudden desire who shot trough him like
burning fire. 

      Disappointed by Die's not-noticing-how-beautiful-he-looked
Shinya narrowed his eyebrows. "Alright, alright......just let's go,
nee?", he answered a little sour.

      "Yeah....", Die said and started to walk down the steps of
the house, close behind him Shinya followed. [I'm going crazy.....],
the guitarist thought helplessly.

      Some moments later the drummer forced himself to break the
uncomfortable  silence. "Say Die-san....where's Kyo-kun?"

      "In the club, talking with Kaoru-kun!", he replied opening
the door and stepping out, holding it for Shinya. The fresh and clear
night-air was heaven for his hot senses, he recognized relieved.

      "Oh....I see.......so, he send you?"

      "Are you disappointed?"

      "No, why?"

      "I thought maybe you're still angry with me.....?" [Say no,
say no!]

      "Iie, Die-san........I'm not, I wanted to excuse myself, I
was behaving rude earlier, I'm sorry Die!", Shinya admitted and bowed
politely, his face expressions-less.

      "You're saying sorry to _me_? Shinya, _I_ need to be sorry,
not you! I was teasing you and you.....just reacted.......you had
every right to be rude with me Shinya!"

      ".......if you say so...."

      Die nodded. "Sure. And I'm sorry for teasing you earlier,
it's just......a bad habit I guess that when I see you I tease......I
don't mean it!"

      Reaching Die's car and opening it, the two men went in and
strolled out of the parking lot, making their way to the club. Shinya
was quiet at first, then sighed. "I know that Die-san, but it just
makes me to loose my temper."

      "Shin-chan......I promise I'll try to quit the teasing!", Die
whispered more to himself, whilst they passed some restaurants and
shops, finally reaching their club. Parking in front of the entrance,
they got out of the car and went in, where they were greeted with
great enthusiasm.

      Shinya smiled to each of his friends and took his place near
Toshiya, Die sat himself near Kyo.

      "See Die-kun, I told you he wouldn't be offended with you
picking him up, nee?", Kyo said and laughed at Die's embarrassed face.

      "KYO!"

      "Nani?", he asked innocently, bashing his eyelashes.

      The others giggled amused as Die, still flushed, tried to
strangle their vocalist to death.
      Shinya was delighted to see they were teasing Die for once
and not him, and it made him joy-full to hear that the other man had
been afraid he would be disappointed with him picking him up. [So he
does care about me.....I'm glad.......oh my, he's cute when he's
blushing!]

      "May I take your offer......err.....sir?", an uncertain voice
suddenly made it's appearance.

      The drummer looked up and was greeted with an waitress,
looking rather shy and unsure, playing with her pencil nervously. He
sighed. How often did that actually happen? [I'm _male_ for goodness
sake! Don't you see that?] Shinya nodded. "Sure, I'll have an Ume
Choya, onegai shimasu!"

      "Err.....are you....old enough to drink alcohol....?"

      The others snickered.

      Shinya could feel the heat in his face and knew he must be
blushing furiously. And there he'd thought this whole clubbing would
be a good idea. [Great Shinya.....just great!] He coughed a little
awkwardly. "Hai!"

      "Well.....okay then!", the waitress assumed and left for
their drinks.

      The snickering grew louder and they burst out laughing madly,
all but Shinya of course, who just kept his gaze focused on the table.

      "Oh Shin-chan....*laugh*....omiroshiroi!"

      "Yeah! She...*laugh*......thought you're....*laugh*...a GIRL!"

      "Come on Toshiya, that's no wonder....*laugh*.......Shinya-
kun is really.......girlish...ya know!"

      "Hai...sou desu Kaoru-kun.....*laugh* !"

      "I'm _not_ feminine !", Shinya hissed, but remained ignored
by his band mates. They were too busy laughing and joking about him
they failed to notice how angry and hurt he'd gotten by their
comments.  They were also too busy to notice that the young drummer
stood up and turned to leave, inwardly shaking with rage and on the
brim with tears.

      Just as they slowly calmed down, they saw the empty place on
the table and confusion spread out into them. Only Die suddenly knew
what must have happened. And he felt bad about it. [There I am,
promising him not 15 minutes before I'll stop teasing him and just
now I was laughing my ass off because some stupid remark.......god
Daisuke, you're an asshole!]

      "Where's he gone?", Toshiya questioned to no one in
particular, furrowing his eyebrows and pouting slightly.

      Die merely sighed and shook his head. "I .......he must have
been hurt and left!"

      They stared at him in unbelieving astonishment.

      "You think so Die-kun?", Kaoru asked, silently cursing
himself for not noticing the joking had hurt Shinya. He was an bad
leader, wasn't he? [Fuck!...Sure he was hurt.......can you guess what
it must feel like to hear from your friends you're 'girlish' ?]

      "Hai, and......I guess we owe him an apology...nee?"

      Kyo, Toshiya and Kaoru agreed with him in that point for
sure, all feeling guilty like hell. "Hai!"




      [Girlish.......I'm girlish am I?] Shinya sighed and stroked
some of his hair out of his beautiful face. The night breeze was
definitely wonderful, fresh and clear. He was walking down the road,
passing some cars and shops on his way. [Hai, I am.....feminine and
fucking girlish......beautiful they say.....I don't want to be
beautiful....why can't I be handsome...like Die?]

      [Handsome, attractive and sexy Die.........oh why can't I be
like you?]

      Shinya stopped. [........shit.....why does he hunt my
thoughts?] Clenching his fists he marched towards his living-area,
his thoughts whirling around. [Hell! Although I look like a girl, I
am a MAN! Don't forget that you idiot! You're a man and men aren't
allowed to love men...........wait, I don't love him! We've discussed
that before, nee? I lust after him, that's not the
same!..........but, men aren't allowed to lust after men
too!.....shimatta....what am I going to do?]

      He finally got to his apartment and opened it. Stepping
inside he let his coat carelessly fall to the ground, got out of his
shoes and walked over to his futon, where he laid down and stared up
in the dark for what seemed like hours. He hadn't turned on the
light. And finally......after the whole fighting against it, he let
his tears fall. Silently, unseen.

      [Who do I fool?......I knew it all along......]

      Shifting, he curled himself up into an ball, shaking with
emotions. Yes, he'd known it all along. His quiet sobbing was the
only sound in his apartment, beneath his loudly beating heart.
[.......Die will never understand........will never feel the
same..........]

      [And here I am sobbing like a heartbroken girl.......]

      Realizing what he'd thought, he gave a bitter smile. Well, he
wasn't a girl, but......heartbroken he was. He'd hidden it, deep
inside of him. Trying to fool himself. But some piece of his mind had
known it....

      [I'm in love with Die.......]