I could not look back, you'd gone away from me
I felt my heart ache
I was afraid of following you
When I had looked at the shadows on the wall
I started running into the night to find the truth in me
( XJAPAN )
He'd seen him.
Standing in the shadows, watching them for an moment before turning
and walking away.
And suddenly his own heart stopped beating and he felt numb.
Breaking away from the women in his hands he watched the slim figure
disappearing into the night. He wanted to run after him.....telling
him it wasn't what he thought it was, but......that wouldn't be
"Die-kun?", Saiko-chan's confused voice cut through his thoughts.
"He was here......he had been watching us and left......"
"........oh....." Saiko-chan stepped out of Die's embrace, her gaze
focused on the ground. She could sense it. Now it was time for her to
leave and she couldn't do anything against it. But how she wished she
could. Oh how she wished. Saiko-chan smiled bitterly and sighed
deeply. "Die-kun....I better leave now....it's late, nee?"
"Oh, sure....sorry, I didn't pay attention to the time!", Die
regretfully answered. He felt guilty for it all. [But what IS all?]
He wrapped one arm around her slim shoulders and walked her home,
since they weren't far away from where she lived. After Saiko-chan
had given him one last peck on the cheek and after saying good night,
Die silently strolled down the street, back to the place he'd spotted
What was it, that pulled him back here?
[Why does it bother me so much that he'd seen us?]
Die groaned in frustration, stroking his hands through his hair and
resting himself against a tree. He stared thoughtfully in the dark
sky, watching the stars twinkle and the cool breeze swift his
[Why did it even bother him?]
[Shinya......why do you hunt my thoughts? What's wrong with me
suddenly?........It's wrong to think of a man so often......and in
that way........Die....you better stop that right now!]
[Stop discussing with yourself about thinking how it would feel to
rapture Shinya's sweet lips with your own! To stop imagining how your
friends slender body would feel pressed against yours.....]
Die moaned unconsciously about this last thought, feeling his blood
rush through his body to one certain place.
[........his hands stroking your back, pulling you closer.......your
tongue dancing with his......ahhh.....]
Blushing furiously, Die's eyes snapped open. What did he do? He'd
thought about kissing with his friend! Ashamed with himself the red-
head pulled himself off of the tree and ran into the night. Trying to
forget what had happened just right now.
It was next day's practice. They definitely needed to work now,
because of Shinya's absence for the last days, and they all where
surprisingly in time. Even their sleepy vocalist.
"What? Can't I be once at time too?", Kyo asked, annoyed with his
bandmates look of unbelief.
"Well....Kyooo-kun....you must admit that THAT is highly abnormal for
you!", Kaoru answered, grinning widely and showing his perfect teeth.
Toshiya stared at him envious.
"Yeah, yeah....whatever, so do we need to practice now or not?"
"HAI!", they exclaimed in chorus.
In the next two hours they worked very hard, tried this way, changed
that part, and studied their lines of the new song, and of course of
the old ones too. After that, Toshiya asked for a break and they
agreed nonchalantly. Of course, Kyo, Kaoru and Toshiya headed out for
their cigarettes. Only Die, the usual fourth one in that group,
stayed in his place.
He was watching Shinya, silently and unseen, from the corner of his
[.......he looks so beautiful like that, powered out and clenching
with sweat.......kirei na]
Die merely sighed and stepped nearer to the unexpecting
drummer. "Shin-chan....do.....do you want a coke?", he asked hoarsely.
Shinya snapped his head up, his heart beating wild as he heard this
familiar voice behind him. [Die....what's he doing here?.....]
"......umm...no thanks Die-kun, I've my own water...", he answered,
smiling a bit.
"Oh....okay....." [Die, you are an incredible idiot...........what to
say now?....shit......come on, say something Die!] "I saw you last
"You did.....?" [Did he saw me running away?.....hopefully not....]
[Shit, why did you say THAT of all things?] Die nervously run a hand
through his thick red strands. "Yeah......what did you do out there?"
[BAKA!] "Oh, sorry, I'm stupid....of course you took a walk or
something like that.....you don't need to tell me anyways........",
the guitarist hastily stammered.
"No, it's okay.......I was just walking through the park ya
know......then I saw you....and...well....I didn't want to
disturb......", Shinya exclaimed, sadness washing over his pretty
face as he recalled the scene in his mind, but quickly hid it with
his long strands of hair covering his expression.
"Ah.......err...yes.....I mean, she's just a friend.....nothing
big.....we're not in love or something like that......"
"Umm........soo....how do you feel back at home?", Die tried to
change the topic.
Shinya laughed. "Just like always......it's boring!"
"Boring? But.......you've your little puppy-dog, don't you?"
"Yes, but puppy can't talk ya know?", Shinya teased him.
Die, feeling like an complete fool, blushed crimson, causing the
petite drummer to giggle. "Ah...Shinya, you KNOW what I meant!"
"Hai.....", admitted the drummer. He didn't wanted to talk about that
right now. He didn't wanted to let Die to know how lonely he was. The
guitarist never seemed to be alone, but he........he didn't have much
friends out of Dir en Grey. And worst of it, these friends lived in
his old hometown, more than 3 hours away from Tokyo with the
Shinkansen. So it wasn't really surprising he often felt bored and
lonely, now was it? Shinya sighed. Of course not. [Maybe I should go
out more often......]
"Soooo....well.....what are you going to do tonight...?"
What had he thought just mere seconds ago? Shinya smiled to
himself. "I don't know....why are you asking Die-kun?"
Shinya's smile faded. Maybe the red-head wasn't about to do what he'd
thought he would. So it would probably be another one of his boring
nights....And he'd actually hoped Die would like to go out with him
or......[Gyaa Shinya....you're such a na´ve fool! Wake up and face
the reality already!]
Die nervously gulped. "How....how about we go drinking
something.....or......well, what you would like to do?"
Widening hazelnut eyes stared at him in an instant. "Really?"
"Sounds great!", Shinya answered happily. Maybe he hadn't been so
na´ve after all.
Die's heartbeats quickened and he couldn't help but smile. "So, what
would you like to do Shin-chan?"
"......I guess drinking sounds fine with me....nee?"
"Okay, after practice is over?"
"Alright!" [YEAH! I go out with Die!!]
"Great!" Die's smile widened. Now he would be able to spend one long
evening and night with the beautiful drummer. And he would definitely
enjoy it, he was sure! [Maybe I can sort out my feelings then,
"May we start practice now again, if you two finally finished
talking?", came an michievious and amused voice from the door.
Shinya and Die both jerked around, only to see their three bandmates
doubling over with laughing.
"Ha. Ha. Very funny indeed!", Die said and crossed his arms in front
of his chest, making an mock-angry face while his eyes glittered
Later in the afternoon, after their practice had come to an end, Die
and Shinya walked in utter silence to the guitarists car. They'd
agreed that Die would drop Shinya off at his apartment, after they
had gone out, so that Shinya didn't have to worry about coming home.
The two of them got into the car and soon where on their way to the
bar they always visited when they were celebrating with the band.
Shinya squirmed in his seat. This silence was definitely driving him
insane! Why couldn't he think of something to say when he was alone
with Die? [Shit!! Say something Shinya! You don't want him to think
you're an quite stockfish do you?] Little did the drummer know Die
was having similar thoughts.
"Practice was hard today, nee Shin-chan?" Die immediately cursed
himself. [Moron! Can't you say something less idiotic?]
"Yeah...", the thin man on his left choked out.
Suddenly there was a loud crash, bright light hit his eyes and he
could hear someone screaming. Was that him? Did he scream or Shinya?
And the next thing Die could see was blackness.