by Waru

comments: weeeeell....i'n sorry it took me so long to put this part
up, but i was so busy in school......i just overtook it with my
theatre class, musical class and stuff...*geeee* ^^;;;;;; gomen ne?
please send me your comments, nee??

oh, and Shinya and Die's friendship will lead to something later
on.....so.....now it may seem a bit unnessesary..... ( gee.....my
english is bad today......*grunts* )


If you don't know who you are
If your mind is black
You've still your heart
To guide you
( from my little self ^^; )


Part Five


Blackness.

Blink.

One eyelid fluttered.

The next followed.

What was happening?

His eyes scanned the room in which he, he recognized, laid. It was a
white room, like in a hospital. The bed was white too for all he
could see.

Where was he?

Suddenly he paled as the most important question came up in his mind.

[And…….who the fuck am I??]

"How are you?"

He jerked his head up and winced at the sudden pain that shot through
his head. He hadn't known he wasn't alone before. Now he studied the
other person critically. It was a beautiful man, but he did look more
than a women through. He too had some bruises, but they seemed not as
bad as his. Soft curled-up locks of brown fell down his thin, almost
frail shoulders. The man smiled. And his breath caught.

"Die? Are you okay?", Shinya worriedly bend over the red-head as he
didn't get an answer. Die eyed him with such an strange look it made
Shinya almost afraid.

"Die…..? Why should I die? I won't die! I will not!", he shouted
back, pushing the pretty man from his bed. Why did this angel-like
creature tell him about dieing? And who was that man after all?

Stunned, the drummer's eyes widened. "What do you mean…..? Of course
you won't die!….What's that all about? Are you joking with me Die-
kun?"

Now, what was that man talking about? Die-kun….he'd heard that name
before, there he was sure. Dark orbs watched the young man for a
while, before whispering, "Who are you? Do I know you?"

Shinya stared at Die. [What's he talking? Is he teasing? …..Die,
what's wrong with you?]

Sadly he shut his eyes. So he knew that man, otherwise he wouldn't
have been so shocked. But why didn't he remember? Why didn't he know
his own name? [WHY!??] "I'm sorry…..", he managed to say. "I don't
recognize you……I don't know who I am…..do you know my name? Please
tell me!"

"You……lost your memory?" Panic started to build up in Shinya. That
couldn't be, could it? The doctors hadn't said anything about the
chance that this could happen!

"I guess…."

Shinya run.




Amnesia.

He had amnesia.

Die, he'd been told that this was his nickname, for his real name was
Ando Daisuke, clenched his bedsheets in an attempt to hold back
tears. How could that happen to him? Why not to someone else? He
sighed. He knew he was selfish, but he couldn't help it.

"Die-kun….are you alright?", a soft voice asked.

Shinya, of course. The young man from earlier had come back with an
doctor who'd checked him, and then after a few more tests told him
he'd amnesia. Since then the beautiful stranger hadn't gone from his
side, wearing such an worried look, it made him almost worry for the
young man rather than himself! Die smiled sadly. "Well, if you
consider having lost your memory's being alright, then yes, I am
alright."

"Gomen, I….."

"Yeah, yeah, I know…….so, you know me, nee?", he waited for the other
man to answer which he did by nodding his head yes, then he
continued, "How well do you know me….are you a good friend…..or….what
are you to me?"

Hurt flashed through Shinya's eyes, although he knew it wasn't Die's
fault for not remembering him. Heck, Die couldn't even remember his
own name! But….it did pain him through. Die's questions swirled
through his mind.

[What's his relationship with me?…..are we friends?….or….just
bandmates?….what if I would tell him we're lovers?…..maybe that would
be my only chance to be with him that way……for at least until he
get's his memory back…..] Shinya sighed.

[But if he get's his memory back…..what will he think from me then?]

[Maybe he loves me then and won't mind!]

[……and if not?]

[Well…….it's my only chance!!!]

[And the others?]

[They won't know it…..]

[Are you sure?]

[Shut up! I'll do it!]

[…]

"Well?", Die asked curious. Half of him was hoping he knew this
pretty man as his friend, the others side hoped for more. Strangely.
But Die just shrugged it off.

"We're…….friends….", Shinya finally whispered. [I just can't lie…….]

"I see……", Die sighed, somewhat disappointed, although he didn't know
why. "Close friends?"

"I….guess…..I mean, we are bandmates and…..", The drummer bit his
lip. Should he tell him that they were always fighting? Well, lately
they didn't but…..

"Bandmates? I'm in a band?"

"Yeah sure, you know Toshiya and Kyo and Kaoru, we all are Dir en
Grey!"

"Dir en Grey?"

"…….." [This will be a looooong day] Shinya groaned.

"And what's it for a band? What do I play? Or am I the vocalist?
What's your role?! Tell me!"

"Visual kei, guitar, no that's Kyo-kun, drummer, did so."

"HUH?" Die shook his head in confusion. "Again please…."

Shinya sighed defeated. "We're a visual kei band, you play the
guitar, you aren't the vocalist because that's Kyo-kun, I'm the
drummer and I told you."

"Ohh….so you're the drummer???? But….you're so….so…frail?", Die
wondered.

"I know I don't look like that but I'm strong!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you….it's just….I didn't know…."

Letting himself rest against the backseat of his bed, Shinya tried
his best not to scream. This was all…..as if it was a movie….just a
bad dream or so. He couldn't believe that the man in front of him,
with those deep dark eyes, didn't know his name, his friends, his
band…… "It's okay….", he said.

"So….how comes you're the only one here? Where are my friends? Or my
family?……..And….what happened? Why am I here? The doctor told me I
was in an accident…..how, when, with whom?", the red-head continued
to question the young drummer.

Shinya warily closed his eyes. "We've been on our way to a bar…..but
suddenly a car hit us and then I don't know much……I just woke up two
hours before you….they told me you'll be fine, you would have an few
injuries but nothing bad. I decided to wait for you to awake…….as you
did….you know what happened….."

"We? You've been in that accident too?", Just know Die remembered the
bruises on the other man's skin he'd seen earlier. "But why aren't
the others here……..where's your family? My family? Friends?"

"Your family and mine live away from here, they won't come……the
other's don't know it yet, I was too confused to call them…..but
we're supposed to get out from the hospital tomorrow morning anyways,
so it would be useless to phone them now, nee?"

"…..yes…that's right……and I don't know them anyways….I was just
curious…..", Die smiled self-mockingly. "I thought maybe I don't have
friends or a family….I don't know how I am usually….maybe I'm an
asshole…..", he chuckled a bit, but his eyes held an bitter glance in
them. "Tell me….am I an asshole Shinya-san?", he asked after a while
of silence.

Shinya shook his head. "No! No of course not! You're one of the
nicest people I know!" So, that wasn't exactly the truth, but what
damage could that do?

"Thank's Shinya-san.", Die smiled. "And I think…….you're one of the
nicest people too!"

Shinya blushed, hiding his face behind his hair. His heart was
beating rapidly against his ribs, although he tried to remember that
Die had amnesia and didn't know to whom he that said.

"Say, could you tell me a bit about me…and you……..and the band? I
don't know a thing and…..well….I would like to know more about
myself…."

"Sure…."






"......and that's how you always call me, Shin-chan!", Shinya
concluded yawning. He was laying in his bed right beside Die's and
his eyes were about to fall shut. It was wide past 12 o'clock in the
night and he was tired like hell, but Die had been so curious and
he'd pleaded so sweet with his eyes, Shinya couldn't stop and told
him all he knew. Right now, his friend stared at him wide agape. He
laughed slightly. "No, not what you think......you just tease me with
it!" [Unfortunately......]

"OH!", Die's mouth formed an o-shape. Somehow he would have liked the
idea of calling the younger man Shin-chan because he was his lover.
Well, no such luck. Die sighed inwardly. But at least it seemed that
Shinya was one of his closest friends, for that he could be happy.

Shinya giggled at Die's silly expression. God, he was feeling so much
better now! He yawned again. "Better we go to sleep now.....tomorrow
we have to stand up early."

".....You're right......*yawn*......good night Shinya-san....."
Somehow he couldn't bring himself to call the drummer Shin-chan.

"Good night too!", Shinya cuddled himself deeper into the white
sheet's and soon fell asleep.

 

to be continued

back to deg fics pg 3