|My Destiny, My Destination
Time flies. Not long later, the child was born, I married the girl and
our debut single was released. Things were quite smooth, if I didn't think
about it too deeply.
Sometimes she would ask me had I ever regretted marrying her. I always smiled and refused to answer, for I didn't know how. That time I didn't want to think about relationships anymore. I was too tired to do so. I thought as long as I have Glay and my son, it would be more than enough. They were the strength that kept me moving on, even though my heart had died since a long time ago...
Often the guys would come to our apartment and visit us. They loved my
child a lot. Recalling how they played with him always gave me a smile.
That night, the sky was very clear...
After we had our celebration with all the staffs for the release of our first album Speed Pop, the guys came to my apartment for more drinks. My wife was not home that evening, so I was busy cooking and taking care of my son at the same time.
I remember I was cooking in the kitchen when Hisashi suddenly came in.
"Looking for something?"
I turned to smile at him when he opened the fridge.
"Takuro said he wants some more beer."
He said as he tickled my son, making him giggle ever so cutely. I didn't know why but I felt jealous all of a sudden. Either of him or my son...
"I'll get it for him..."
I immediately found an excuse to escape from the weird atmosphere.
When I went back into the kitchen, Hisashi was still there, with my son
dozing off in his arms. I moved towards the two, gently touched my son's
cheek. He took after my eyes and his mother's nose, and the guys said he got
a little mouth like Jiro's. I chuckled as it came to my thoughts, which made
Hisashi looked up at me in surprise.
I was chopping carrots when I saw him gently lay the baby into his little chair. I smiled and concentrated back on the knife. Watching the carrots being sliced into thin pieces gradually, I felt the air getting denser and denser, making me almost breathless...
Before I could gasp the edge cut into my fingertip, blood oozing out from the wound.
His arms slipped tighter around me as I whispered his name in shock, feeling his chest heaving against my back.
"What do you think you're doing, baka..."
I forced out a giggle and wriggled away, I acted calm but actually my heart raced within my chest. Why did he do that...?
"You're hoping for it weren't you? Hope to be held by me again. Like the old days."
"What the hell are you talking about?! I'm married already and even have my own son!"
I frowned deeply as I turned away from him, looking for Band-Aids everywhere. Yet I was having too much thoughts in mind that I overlooked it for a few times before I finally held the box in my hand.
"But your heart is still mine. You still love me as much as you used to."
His voice echoed within me, dumbfounded me, made me shiver.
"You are still keeping your hair long and beautiful, for deep within you still want me to brush it for you..."
Shocked, I shook my head hard to force myself out of the mist of memories, but it didn't work. In frustration I tried to distract myself with something else. I opened the box in my hand but found it empty.
I threw the box at the sink in wrath, the metal box hit hard at the stainless steel sink, making a loud, furious sound. It startled Hisashi, also my son. He woke from his sleep and started to cry. I envied him so much. I wished I could cry out loud like him at that moment...
"Don't be so arrogant!! I have no reason to love you anymore!!"
I shouted, tears started to roll down my cheeks again. I knew it wasn't a right time to shed tears but I couldn't control myself. Once they fell, they couldn't be stopped. Soon they blurred my vision, also my mind. In haste I picked up the knife beside me and grabbed my ponytail. Before anyone or anything could stop me, my long, beautiful strands with golden tips fell and lay helplessly on the kitchen floor.
"Hey what are you 2 doing inside!?"
The guys obviously the loud noises and dashed into the kitchen. They were as shock as Hisashi and myself when they saw my hair lying around my feet.
Takuro gasped in shock. I lowered my head to stare at the hair I had kept for years, a unknown feeling rushed into my heart.
"Ah~ You poor baby... Your Daddy and Uncle Hisa don't care about you anymore... But never mind~ Uncle Jiro loves you~"
Jiro hurried to my crying child and held him in his arms. He talked loudly deliberately to break the unbearably tensed atmosphere. From the frown on his face I knew he understood the whole thing.
"Sorry sweetheart... Come to Daddy."
I sniffed a little and managed a smile to my son, reaching my hands to
him. Jiro gently lay the baby into my arms, and started to make funny faces
at him, cheering him up. The child soon stopped his tantrums and giggled
again, waving his little arms at us. At the sight of him my tears dried. I
reminded myself all I need was this little boy and Glay. That was enough.
Takuro was not dumb. From what he saw, I believed he started to know there was something really wrong between me and Hisashi. For the rest of that evening, he and Jiro tried their best to avoid Hisashi and me face directly at each other. The 2 guitarists discussed about our new song, while Jiro tried to tidy up my messy strands.
Hisashi never spoke to me again that night, I was glad and sad at the
same time. I was glad that he didn't try to interfere my life again, but sad
that all I sacrificed for our friendship died without a reason. I wished
desperately that everything was going to end along with my long hair. I
didn't want to be hurt anymore...
to part 9
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